[wheeler]

I constantly struggle with me caring more about my T and my therapy more than T cares. Logically I know T's can't 'love' each client and that they need to keep some distance but I keep getting stuck in this place.

I also know and usually feel that I matter to her, as I've asked, but it will never be the same intensity as I feel towards her.

Makes me feel way to vulnerable, which is something I struggle with in real-life too.

Any thoughts on me accepting the limitations?

Thanks

I struggled with that a lot at first. I finally came to the conclusion that I don't necessarily care more but we just care about each other differently if that makes sense?

For example, if I have a friend who is going through a rough time, right now one is struggling with not feeling like her husband listens to her, they can't seem to work out their communication issues. I care about her, I want to support her and be there for her while she is struggling, but I'm not going to obsess over her problems because ultimately they are not my problems and I can't be the one to make the changes in her life. Does that mean I don't care? No, I love her to death, she is the nicest and sweetest person I know and if I could make her life all rainbows and cupcakes, I would but I also know and accept my limitations in the situation and do my best to help her through it.

Now, I guess. I have never asked my T but I am assuming this is similar to how a T has to operate. They care about you, they care about your life and your issues, I think its impossible to spend that much intimate time with someone and not care, but they know and accept that all they can give is support and encouragement.

[Fuzzybear]

I have struggled with this issue and would again probably (If I could pay a new therapist for “long term” therapy )

Fwiw I think these feelings are “normal” for clients in therapy.

Time. And talking.

[DP_2017]

I relate to this, it's hard being a kind person and having limits like this. The reality is, they are trained to "limit how they care" but it does not stop actual thoughts or feelings, so they might care more than we think. There is always gonna be people they meet that speak more deeply to them than others.

[MoxieDoxie]

T's care for us as long as we keep going and paying. If we had to quite because insurance wont pay or we cant pay then they wont keep us around and might have a fleeting thought about us but that is about it. I equate this to my personal training clients whom I really like but if they can not pay me then good bye. I will think about them once in a while if another client reminds me of them. I care on a superficial level but not a deep level.

That is how I see therapist being with clients as well.

[Myrto]

In my experience there is no way around the fact that therapists will never care (whatever that means) as much as some clients want them to. Time or talking about it never worked nor helped, only in my case termination and taking a step back. For me, realizing that this was not a real relationship but simply a business transaction (I pay you to listen to me) was helpful. At that point it's glaringly obvious to me that's what it is and I'm fine with it, in fact I find it much better that way. I'm not recommending anything, just offering my perspective.

[dlantern]

I had the tables turn and therapist felt way too much for me. I've also had similar to the post but it was only for the world at large. If you study the transference phenomenon then you can easily at least understand that. It is also definately a plan to find someone see what went wrong so it doesn't seem too revealing for additional therapies.. If they counter transference though then that will be a safe passage way out so just don't make anyone knowingly uncomfortable. Especially if dissocation and lose of control is an issue and you generally afraid of people and social situations

[stopdog]

Perhaps it would help to remember there are clients out there like me who don't want it and probably don't create such feelings from a therapist so it leaves them more room to have them to those who want them.

[circlesincircles]

I started off trying to write an analogy involving parenting (my kids need me more than I need them), but it kind of went off the rails.

I can empathize with the vulnerability that comes with the imbalance in caring. It sets up a power differential. Mostly I do my best to tune into the ways my therapist does care about me. To really work at accepting and internalizing her care. Regardless of the imbalance, I can trust (after five years, mind you) that she will never take advantage of my vulnerability.

How do you do with receiving care?

[wheeler]

In real-life I do question people’s care and intentions, so I suppose it makes sense that it is even more intensified in therapy.

I do like the analogy of caring for a friend especially when they have problems but knowing in the end it’s their life and their responsibility.

Thank you all so much. It’s also nice to know I’m not alone in this thinking/feeling.