[weaverbeaver]

So I am a CSA survivor or whatever you want to call it, personally o don’t like the words survivor or victims they are disempowering.
This week I text my t because I bumped into the perpetrator. He hugged me, I felt so sick that I had a panic attack. T asked if I would like to work on this this week in session but now I am afraid to.
I am afraid of having a panic attack, of not being able to stand my ground when t wants me to report it. I am afraid of going back to that awful place of not being able to control my emotions.
Does anyone have any advice?

[Deejay14]

Originally Posted by weaverbeaver

So I am a CSA survivor or whatever you want to call it, personally o don’t like the words survivor or victims they are disempowering.
This week I text my t because I bumped into the perpetrator. He hugged me, I felt so sick that I had a panic attack. T asked if I would like to work on this this week in session but now I am afraid to.
I am afraid of having a panic attack, of not being able to stand my ground when t wants me to report it. I am afraid of going back to that awful place of not being able to control my emotions.
Does anyone have any advice?

Weaver, you are the only one that can make that decision. If it were me, I would try my best to talk to your therapist about it so it might be come more manageable for you. I get how you feel. I would be a total mess. This is exactly why the therapist is there. Do the best you can when you see her. That's all you can ask of yourself. Take care.

[Moment]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I think it's very important that you be in control of this entire situation--talking with your therapist, making any decisions about reporting anything, etc. You should be in control and only do any of these things because *you* want to. You do not want to replicate the dynamics of abuse, in which one person is forced or pressured into doing something they do not want to do.

[SalingerEsme]

My T is adamant that when you still see the P, that the trauma is still happening, and treatment can't proceed like it would for a passed event. I am so so so sorry this happened to you, as that hug had chain links to every other situation involving P to some parts of your brain. Hopefully your T will work on grounding you, and leave what you should do about it for a later time?

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by Deejay14

Weaver, you are the only one that can make that decision. If it were me, I would try my best to talk to your therapist about it so it might be come more manageable for you. I get how you feel. I would be a total mess. This is exactly why the therapist is there. Do the best you can when you see her. That's all you can ask of yourself. Take care.

Thank you so much for your reply Deejay. I will try but it’s gonna be super hard. I really hope she gets just how awful and frightening it was

Originally Posted by Moment

I'm sorry this happened to you. I think it's very important that you be in control of this entire situation--talking with your therapist, making any decisions about reporting anything, etc. You should be in control and only do any of these things because *you* want to. You do not want to replicate the dynamics of abuse, in which one person is forced or pressured into doing something they do not want to do.

Thank you, I have no interest in reporting but I know my strongly advises it. To me reporting is not the most important thing, if I had my way I would really hurt him so he would never be able to abuse anyone again!

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

My T is adamant that when you still see the P, that the trauma is still happening, and treatment can't proceed like it would for a passed event. I am so so so sorry this happened to you, as that hug had chain links to every other situation involving P to some parts of your brain. Hopefully your T will work on grounding you, and leave what you should do about it for a later time?

This makes perfect sense. No wonder the hug had such an impact. It was like my body just froze but my brain was saying runnnn!
It was so weird. I am going to ask t what to do the next time, I know she will say well if you report him he won’t be able to do it again.
I have never been so terrified and I couldn’t really understand what was happening

Am I right in thinking that you are involved with Gestalt therapy? It feels like this is a situation which sits perfectly with empty chair, as well as unfinished business.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by SorryNorma

Am I right in thinking that you are involved with Gestalt therapy? It feels like this is a situation which sits perfectly with empty chair, as well as unfinished business.

No I am not involved in Gestalt therapy. You must know a lot about that?

Originally Posted by weaverbeaver

No I am not involved in Gestalt therapy. You must know a lot about that?

Sorry, I must have confused you with another poster. I doubt I know as much as you, but your therapist sounds as clumsy and as bossy as mine.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by SorryNorma

Sorry, I must have confused you with another poster. I doubt I know as much as you, but your therapist sounds as clumsy and as bossy as mine.

She can be very bossy and directive but sometimes it’s helpful when I am flustered and ungrounded. I don’t really know anything about Gestalt only It’s German !!
Do you find your therapist being bossy and clumsy helpful or more of a hindrance?

[SalingerEsme]

[QUOTE
This makes perfect sense. No wonder the hug had such an impact. It was like my body just froze but my brain was saying runnnn!
It was so weird. I am going to ask t what to do the next time, I know she will say well if you report him he won’t be able to do it again.
I have never been so terrified and I couldn’t really understand what was happening[/QUOTE]

That is your decision, and it is important that the power be yours and not T's agenda for you. My T taught me so much about how abuse affects our brains- there's no linear time in many parts of the brain, especially if fight, flight, freeze or appease activates. It is like a never-ending story in that mode. Therapy can put the pieces together in order, and integrate things, but it takes a long, slow gentle time