[coolibrarian]

I have dealt with a lot of stress over the last 3 weeks, and today a man, who had been missing since Friday, whom my therapist (and some friends of mine) knew, was found in a wooded area, where he had taken his own life.

So, anyway, I really want to talk to my T about these things, but am afraid that she might not be able to be completely present for me, and I feel guilty for needing her when she may be in pain. I say "may be" because I don't know if she knows, yet; I'd read it in the newspaper.

What should I do? Should I ask her if she knows and if she doesn't, should I tell her? What if she already knows and is upset? Should I make mention of that? Should I talk about my guilt? Please help. My session starts at 4 pm Eastern Time.

That sounds like a very difficult situation. I'm sorry. (((coolibrarian)))

[circlesincircles]

What an awful situation. I get the mixed feelings - maybe you can start there with your therapist? If it's something you want to process I think you absolutely should. You're an empathic person and can appreciate it might be difficult for your therapist, but ultimately it's up to her to manage her emotions.

It seems like the kind of thing that would be really difficult NOT to bring up. I'm so sorry you've had so much stress in your life recently.

[maybeblue]

I'm sorry that happened.

You get to be the client in this relationship. You get to be the needy one and your therapist gets to be the strong one. That's the way it is set up. I think you should bring it up and expect that she can handle it. If she was close to the person she might get a little emotional, but she would be emotional even if you didn't bring it up. And really that is OK. You won't damage her. And yes, if you are feeling guilt you should bring it with her.

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree that it's OK to bring up. If your T seems to be reacting emotionally, you could always stop discussing and resume in a future session. You could also talk about your fear of bringing it up because it's someone she knows, so you're worried about her reaction. That's the sort of thing that came up with ex-marriage counselor when I learned his wife was sick (and eventually passed away). The wanting to take care of him thing. Or feeling like I shouldn't discuss my reactions to things because of what they're dealing with.

[weaverbeaver]

OMG, that’s terrible, so sorry for your loss
I see that you really care about your t and don’t want to upset her but this is your session not hers, it’s absolutely ok to bring it up and then it’s up to her how she responds and deals with this. I hope in a sensitive manner towards you, yes she has lost someone too but that should be brought to her own therapist for processing. Please take care of yourself, what a shock for you!

[coolibrarian]

As I said, he wasn't someone I knew, but my therapist knew him.
In any case, I told my therapist everything and she told me that she has the results from her procedure. She has bladder cancer. Now I'm in another world of shock and fear. I

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

As I said, he wasn't someone I knew, but my therapist knew him.
In any case, I told my therapist everything and she told me that she has the results from her procedure. She has bladder cancer. Now I'm in another world of shock and fear. I

Oh no, that's so scary...Did they give her a prognosis, like does she have a treatment plan? Hugs if you want them...

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Oh no, that's so scary...Did they give her a prognosis, like does she have a treatment plan? Hugs if you want them...

I always accept hugs. Thank you.
As for prognosis, she said it looks good so far, but she won't have complete results until next week. Then her doctor will discuss treatment options. In

[circlesincircles]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

As I said, he wasn't someone I knew, but my therapist knew him.

In any case, I told my therapist everything and she told me that she has the results from her procedure. She has bladder cancer. Now I'm in another world of shock and fear. I

Oh my goodness, how scary and overwhelming.

[rainbow8]

I'm so sorry about your T's diagnosis! I hope that her prognosis will be good and she will be cured. It seems like she will be honest with you about it. How many years have you been seeing her? I know it's a lot. It's a real relationship so your feelings are understandable of course. Sending you lots of hugs! and ability to cope.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

What should I do? Should I ask her if she knows and if she doesn't, should I tell her? What if she already knows and is upset? Should I make mention of that? Should I talk about my guilt? Please help. My session starts at 4 pm Eastern Time.

A couple of years ago, someone very close to someone very close to my therapist committed suicide. I was not close to her, but she was someone I knew and thought highly of (she was a very respected person in the community, small one, in which we live). I knew he knew her and how and he knew that I knew her and how. I'm not sure if your T knows you know the person who died?

Near the end of my session not long after, I thought about not bringing it up. I asked if we could talk about her and he said sure. I didn't have many people in my life who also knew her (and this was true for him too). It was a really helpful closure for me and despite the fact that he was closer to her and for a lot longer than I was, he was still my T. Seeing him be able to put away his own stuff (except as it related to me in the sense that he still was able to speak about her from his own experience; he wasn't pretending not to know her) was a pretty neat experience for me. I think he was glad (and he might have said so) that he could still be the T and that it was good I raised it rather than not because of him).

So I'd say ask your T if it's okay to discuss. My guess is that she would prefer to help you.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

As I said, he wasn't someone I knew, but my therapist knew him.
In any case, I told my therapist everything and she told me that she has the results from her procedure. She has bladder cancer. Now I'm in another world of shock and fear. I

I am so , so sorry- what an overwhelming time.

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm so sorry about your T's diagnosis! I hope that her prognosis will be good and she will be cured. It seems like she will be honest with you about it. How many years have you been seeing her? I know it's a lot. It's a real relationship so your feelings are understandable of course. Sending you lots of hugs! and ability to cope.

I have been seeing her for a very long time.

She said I could ask her anything about her health. She said that even though it's not my illness, it has a profound impact on me. For instance, I wondered if side effects from treatment might mean she has to cancel some sessions.

So, I asked. And today I have more questions. And sometimes I wonder if I dreamt what she told me.

Yesterday at the end of the session, I thanked her being honest with.

We both know we have a lot more to talk about. TV

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

A couple of years ago, someone very close to someone very close to my therapist committed suicide. I was not close to her, but she was someone I knew and thought highly of (she was a very respected person in the community, small one, in which we live). I knew he knew her and how and he knew that I knew her and how. I'm not sure if your T knows you know the person who died?.

My T and I have some mutual friends. Only one of them knows that she is my T.