[pixiedust72]

Today I'm having this deep depression like I've never had before. I had therapy today and it went well. I felt good about it during but after I felt terrible. I'm nervous to not see my therapist for two weeks (since she won't be in town next week). I have a lot of suicidal thoughts and I weirdly didn't think to mention that today. But now it's gotten bad. I just am really dreading everything I have coming up in life and wishing I had acted on it long ago. I'm considering going to the hospital but I'm worried about missing work because money's tight. The main point of this post was to talk about how badly I feel after therapy. Maybe it's because I feel like there's so much that we can't talk about everything. Or just because I feel uncomfortable having shared so much.

Probably the 2 week break effecting you.
Use to feel that way for me.

[MoxieDoxie]

Sometimes I feel bad after a good therapy session because subconsciously we realize that there is no one in our lives that take care of us, that understand us like our therapist does and it is such a hard smack in the face that it is depressing.

[Tornerose]

I’ve experienced the same thing. I had a really deep, difficult conversation with my therapist once, and once I had left I started hysterically crying in the car. I felt relief, but more than anything I felt absolutely awful. It was a strange feeling.

Please reach out for help if you’re feeling really suicidal. I understand about not wanting to leave work, but your life is more important. Please remember that ❤️

[pixiedust72]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Sometimes I feel bad after a good therapy session because subconsciously we realize that there is no one in our lives that take care of us, that understand us like our therapist does and it is such a hard smack in the face that it is depressing.

I think you're right. I think there might be a slight bit of transference where I know we're not and can't be "friends" but it makes me sad that I don't have a person in my life who is like that. It's a harsh reality to come down to.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by pixiedust72

Today I'm having this deep depression like I've never had before. I had therapy today and it went well. I felt good about it during but after I felt terrible. I'm nervous to not see my therapist for two weeks (since she won't be in town next week). I have a lot of suicidal thoughts and I weirdly didn't think to mention that today. But now it's gotten bad. I just am really dreading everything I have coming up in life and wishing I had acted on it long ago. I'm considering going to the hospital but I'm worried about missing work because money's tight. The main point of this post was to talk about how badly I feel after therapy. Maybe it's because I feel like there's so much that we can't talk about everything. Or just because I feel uncomfortable having shared so much.

So sorry you feel this way, and it makes total sense to me. The more connected I feel during session, the more a whiplash happens in rejoining the world after, especially if there is a break of any kind coming up. SI is scary because it comes from somewhere almost disembodied, like a will of its own. I hope you will be okay, and that whatever connection did occur onside the session will nourish you and see you through.

I relate to the idea you said that maybe you shared too much, and now have like a vulnerability hangover . I've tried everything to feel better after session, from blaming T for it to going for a run to seeing a second T. It just doesn't touch the primary problem that we are slowly exposing a huge wound to the antiseptic of sunlight, that has been bandaged with field dressing for 3o years. My T's thoughts are kind of if it hurts you be glad of it bc you are getting to the real, meaty stuff. I am not sure about that, bc sometimes it feels like being retraumatized, reenacting, or plain old not getting enough support.

[pixiedust72]

I have something else to say about this and don't want to make a new post. I just need to get my thoughts out. I'm afraid to talk to my therapist about this because I don't want to change anything about the way our sessions are. I've heard that some people have these problems and so their therapist does grounding techniques for the last ten minutes. I really need that full hour. Honestly, I should probably be going twice a week but she only allows an appointment every other week. I really don't want to see anyone else because this is the first therapist I've liked seeing in 3 years.

Also, any time I think about therapy at all it just sends me into a spiral of thinking about all I need to talk about and stress about needing to get better.

[pixiedust72]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

So sorry you feel this way, and it makes total sense to me. The more connected I feel during session, the more a whiplash happens in rejoining the world after, especially if there is a break of any kind coming up. SI is scary because it comes from somewhere almost disembodied, like a will of its own. I hope you will be okay, and that whatever connection did occur onside the session will nourish you and see you through.

I relate to the idea you said that maybe you shared too much, and now have like a vulnerability hangover . I've tried everything to feel better after session, from blaming T for it to going for a run to seeing a second T. It just doesn't touch the primary problem that we are slowly exposing a huge wound to the antiseptic of sunlight, that has been bandaged with field dressing for 3o years. My T's thoughts are kind of if it hurts you be glad of it bc you are getting to the real, meaty stuff. I am not sure about that, bc sometimes it feels like being retraumatized, reenacting, or plain old not getting enough support.

Thanks. That was very eloquent.