[rainbow8]

Near the end of the session, with maybe 5 minutes left, T brought up about my being addicted. To her, to therapy, maybe. I said "I told you I was addicted to therapy long ago." She said something about being connected to people is good, but.... I forgot the rest. She said it was important to talk about addiction. Then the session was over.

I emailed her and asked why now, when I'm in pain every day, do you want to talk about addiction? I want to make it clear she was talking about addiction to people or to therapy, not drugs. I said I felt unsettled because it was at the end of the session and I didn't understand why it's so important. I said I felt like she was punishing me for being attached to her. She answered that she didn't mean to upset me and that it is a framework for us to work with to try to help me.

So she didn't explain much. What does that mean?
I don't want to reiterate my background here. There's validity to the use of the word "addiction". My former T thought I was addicted to her. I came up with the idea and she agreed. Or maybe addicted to therapy makes more sense. But I haven't used that terminology for a long time, and T never has!

It's probably because of my emails last week about thinking of her as a person I'm in a relationship with first, and then, as my T. Or about her breaking my heart.

I know she wants me to take care of my Self and not depend on her. But using the word "addiction"? It's okay that I used it but suddenly she's talking about it! Do you think she read a book?

[WarmFuzzySocks]

Hugs, rainbow.

I wonder if she used the word "addiction" because she felt it would be useful to frame it using the words you'd used yourself to already presented the idea of this kind of intense attachment?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks

Hugs, rainbow.

I wonder if she used the word "addiction" because she felt it would be useful to frame it using the words you'd used yourself to already presented the idea of this kind of intense attachment?

Maybe but I think I last used the word about 7 years ago! I'm not sure if she already had it in her mind or was influenced by something else. I'm doing a few phone sessions with someone who helps people with anxiety, and I told T it was nice to have someone else besides her.

[growlycat]

We are social creatures all, of us. We are wired that way. Is being addicted to another person really possible? I don’t think so.

I think it is a t freaking out about the responsibility she might be feeling. I don’t think you are asking more of your t than anyone else here. Your t needs to manage her own anxiety.

[weaverbeaver]

I think the word addiction has negative connotations, so I am glad it was your word and not your ts originally.
My t has suggested I was addicted to my ex because of the language I used around our relationship.
Tell me Rainbow? How do you feel about her saying you are addicted to her and therapy?
I sense that mAybe there is some shame there?
I would like to add that why wouldn’t we be addicted to therapy and I would say that it’s completely normal to want more of the positive feelings therapy brings, the attachment and connection, especially if we have attachment wounds. Experiencing a positive relationship would bring about the highs associated with addictions. Gabor mate often associates addiction and connection.
I would ask t what her meaning behind this word addiction is and is using it in a shaming way?

[MoxieDoxie]

How about instead of addiction you have an unmet need that is being fulfilled in therapy. The goal should be to get you to a place where you can find that kind of fulfillment outside of therapy. Most likely it is a young part of you and not your best adult self that is trying to get this need met.

[Favorite Jeans]

You said you felt "addicted" a few min before the end of session.

She said "it's important to talk about addiction."

That sounds like standard therapy speak.

When you bring up a new idea just before the end of session, the therapist is trained to wrap up on time but tell you that they've heard you and assure that you can explore your idea next time. I don't think she specifically thinks addiction is a big deal for you or she'd have brought it up herself by now.

"Addiction" just seems like another way of expressing the discomfort that you have said you felt (and lots of us feel) about the primacy of the therapeutic relationship in your life and the longing for something it cannot deliver. That feeling is maybe heightened during an especially difficult time like grief or illness. I suspect your T means to validate you by using your word but is not implying anything more.

Remember Mister Rogers' closing theme song? "I'll be back when the week is new, and I'll have more ideas for you, you'll have things you'll want to talk about, I will too..."

Here's a PsychologyToday article on being addicted to thoughts (or in your case, therapy) So yes I would say it's definitely possible to be addicted to anything as it is able to give you an escape from your painful environment. I am addicted to daydreaming/thinking. Some people are addicted to music, some to drugs, some to people, some to therapy, some to books, some to sex, etc.

I think the word addiction usually has a negative meaning, so not surprising it may raise concern, or at least curiosity. She probably just wanted to see if this is something you want to discuss in more detail.

I think that people can and do get addicted to other people, or the relationship, experience, etc. Everything can get addictive if it is done excessively, has negative consequences, yet we use it as an escape and don't want to stop or moderate. I was there myself in the past with people once and then it was very hard to shake it. Why is it important when someone is in distress or pain? Because often addictions (whether to a substance or other forms of excessive preoccupation/behavior) develop or expand exactly when we are suffering and try to manage or counter the stress or pain. This may or may not be your case, but how it frequently works.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by growlycat

We are social creatures all, of us. We are wired that way. Is being addicted to another person really possible? I don’t think so.

I think it is a t freaking out about the responsibility she might be feeling. I don’t think you are asking more of your t than anyone else here. Your t needs to manage her own anxiety.

Thank you. That is an interesting viewpoint. I think my T was referring to my pattern of going from one T to another for so many years. I have read about addiction to people but can't remember what book or articles.

Originally Posted by weaverbeaver

I think the word addiction has negative connotations, so I am glad it was your word and not your ts originally.
My t has suggested I was addicted to my ex because of the language I used around our relationship.
Tell me Rainbow? How do you feel about her saying you are addicted to her and therapy?
I sense that mAybe there is some shame there?
I would like to add that why wouldn’t we be addicted to therapy and I would say that it’s completely normal to want more of the positive feelings therapy brings, the attachment and connection, especially if we have attachment wounds. Experiencing a positive relationship would bring about the highs associated with addictions. Gabor mate often associates addiction and connection.
I would ask t what her meaning behind this word addiction is and is using it in a shaming way?

Thank you. Well, one thing for sure. My T never means to say anything in a shaming way. That's not the way she does therapy. I'm annoyed because she's bringing it up NOW when I've mostly been focusing on my physical pain and how it's affecting me. I know what she means about the word but don't get WHY she wants it to be a framework so she can help me. What is Gabor mate? Is that a typo?

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

How about instead of addiction you have an unmet need that is being fulfilled in therapy. The goal should be to get you to a place where you can find that kind of fulfillment outside of therapy. Most likely it is a young part of you and not your best adult self that is trying to get this need met.

Thanks. I've seen many Ts and that's what they all said except for the T preceding my current T. I seem to still want to fulfill that need. Now that I have this chronic pain, maybe I'm depending on T too much. It bothers me that she wants to discuss it now, and is using the word addiction, though the word doesn't bother me as much as her timing.

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

You said you felt "addicted" a few min before the end of session.

She said "it's important to talk about addiction."

That sounds like standard therapy speak.

When you bring up a new idea just before the end of session, the therapist is trained to wrap up on time but tell you that they've heard you and assure that you can explore your idea next time. I don't think she specifically thinks addiction is a big deal for you or she'd have brought it up herself by now.

"Addiction" just seems like another way of expressing the discomfort that you have said you felt (and lots of us feel) about the primacy of the therapeutic relationship in your life and the longing for something it cannot deliver. That feeling is maybe heightened during an especially difficult time like grief or illness. I suspect your T means to validate you by using your word but is not implying anything more.

Remember Mister Rogers' closing theme song? "I'll be back when the week is new, and I'll have more ideas for you, you'll have things you'll want to talk about, I will too..."

Thanks, FJ. I want to clarify. I did NOT say the word "addicted" in my session. T used it at the end of the session first. I then told her I've thought in the past that I was addicted to therapy. Mr. Rogers!! I watched a YouTube recently that made me cry. I watched him when my kids were young and loved him!

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

Here's a PsychologyToday article on being addicted to thoughts (or in your case, therapy) So yes I would say it's definitely possible to be addicted to anything as it is able to give you an escape from your painful environment. I am addicted to daydreaming/thinking. Some people are addicted to music, some to drugs, some to people, some to therapy, some to books, some to sex, etc.

Thank you. I'll read that article.

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I think the word addiction usually has a negative meaning, so not surprising it may raise concern, or at least curiosity. She probably just wanted to see if this is something you want to discuss in more detail.

I think that people can and do get addicted to other people, or the relationship, experience, etc. Everything can get addictive if it is done excessively, has negative consequences, yet we use it as an escape and don't want to stop or moderate. I was there myself in the past with people once and then it was very hard to shake it. Why is it important when someone is in distress or pain? Because often addictions (whether to a substance or other forms of excessive preoccupation/behavior) develop or expand exactly when we are suffering and try to manage or counter the stress or pain. This may or may not be your case, but how it frequently works.

Thank you. That is a valid explanation as to why my T is bringing it up now. I'll have to ask her next week.

[stopdog]

The idea that therapy can become an addiction is something some of those guys seem to think about:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...omes-addiction

https://www.nytimes.com/1993/04/18/w...ittle-way.html

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( rainbow ))))))))

Yes it's definitely possible. Addiction is not limited to drugs. Anything that makes you feel better can be addictive.

[Taylor27]

Hug's Rainbow i know for me I have been in therapy for a very long time and i see no end in sight. Im ok with that. It puzzles me your t would bring up addiction to therapy right now with what your going through psychially. I would deffintly bring it up to her next week. Hugs

[velcro003]

My T frequently says “Everyone is an addict,” so she’s big on that.

The therapists have weird ways to fix us, so I suggest you to listen to her... :/ that's good for us.

[yellow_fleurs]

I think I have been "addicted" to people before, although not to the extreme. For me I think I was having a lot of internal pain, anxiety, loneliness, and this person/people could provide me with something like feeling happy/secure, etc, but it was brief and didn't come from within me. I realized after moving away from some of these people, that it was a bit of a crutch for me, and that I wasn't really addressing the fact that deep down I was depressed. In a way, I think this resulted in giving over my power over my own life a little bit. Getting away from this was very painful, and resulted in a bit of a breakdown because I suddenly had to just sit with these terrible moods and really face them. This spurred me into finally getting into treatment and seeing a psychiatrist, though.

On a positive note, all of those relationships are so much healthier now and I don't feel as dependent on them to make me feel happy or secure. I am not sure that was the best way for your T to bring it up, but it definitely is something that I am not surprised your T would want to address, because otherwise you might remain stuck and not progress in therapy. There is no reason to feel bad, though, it probably means you just have some things that need working out in therapy.

[nikon]

maybe she just used that word because it suggests that you feel that you can't function without therapy - just as conventional addicts can't function with their substance/addictive behaviour.

[SalingerEsme]

There's an odd goofball arrogance to therapy. My T says variously I am important to you right now and this work we do together is essential - that kind of stuff. These might be true, but it is really strange to say it.

Originally Posted by stopdog

The idea that therapy can become an addiction is something some of those guys seem to think about:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...omes-addiction

https://www.nytimes.com/1993/04/18/w...ittle-way.html

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

There's an odd goofball arrogance to therapy. My T says variously I am important to you right now and this work we do together is essential - that kind of stuff. These might be true, but it is really strange to say it.

Is it weird that I'm imagining him swinging a pendulum in front of your eyes like a cartoon hypnotist while he says that?

[MoxieDoxie]

I use the same tactics therapist use on clients on my personal training clients to get them addicted to me as a personal trainer and it works. I have had clients for years.

#1 Rule: Make them feel they are the most important thing in the world at that moment. Everything is about them. It makes them feel good as most the time they do not get that anywhere else.
#2 Mimic their behavior and even things they like can be food, activities (not a T thing but a connection thing)
#3 Keep yourself just out of reach as they want to be your friend and go out to dinner or a movie. Keep the distance.
#4 Always look them in the eye and give as much compassion and empathy for what ever trivial mundane issue they think they have.

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I use the same tactics therapist use on clients on my personal training clients to get them addicted to me as a personal trainer and it works. I have had clients for years.

#1 Rule: Make them feel they are the most important thing in the world at that moment. Everything is about them. It makes them feel good as most the time they do not get that anywhere else.
#2 Mimic their behavior and even things they like can be food, activities (not a T thing but a connection thing)
#3 Keep yourself just out of reach as they want to be your friend and go out to dinner or a movie. Keep the distance.
#4 Always look them in the eye and give as much compassion and empathy for what ever trivial mundane issue they think they have.

Brilliant! Thanks for sharing this. I really think that many professionals of all kinds use similar strategies consciously with clients. It's generic business strategy. I personally don't have issues with these and easily see what it is about. What is more unethical is when they refuse/fail to take responsibility for any act and blame consequences on the client alone.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I use the same tactics therapist use on clients on my personal training clients to get them addicted to me as a personal trainer and it works. I have had clients for years.

#1 Rule: Make them feel they are the most important thing in the world at that moment. Everything is about them. It makes them feel good as most the time they do not get that anywhere else.
#2 Mimic their behavior and even things they like can be food, activities (not a T thing but a connection thing)
#3 Keep yourself just out of reach as they want to be your friend and go out to dinner or a movie. Keep the distance.
#4 Always look them in the eye and give as much compassion and empathy for what ever trivial mundane issue they think they have.

Are you being totally serious here? I hate to believe my T does that! She has too many clients and would be happy if I cut down on sessions. She wants me to have a happy life of my own.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The idea that therapy can become an addiction is something some of those guys seem to think about:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...omes-addiction

https://www.nytimes.com/1993/04/18/w...ittle-way.html

Thanks! I can relate to those.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

(((((((( rainbow ))))))))

Thanks, Fuzzy.
A

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

Yes it's definitely possible. Addiction is not limited to drugs. Anything that makes you feel better can be addictive.

I agree.

Originally Posted by Cheryl27

Hug's Rainbow i know for me I have been in therapy for a very long time and i see no end in sight. Im ok with that. It puzzles me your t would bring up addiction to therapy right now with what your going through psychially. I would deffintly bring it up to her next week. Hugs

Thanks. I agree! I knew she wouldn't explain via email. "Framework to help me" is so vague!

Originally Posted by velcro003

My T frequently says “Everyone is an addict,” so she’s big on that.

Everyone?

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

The therapists have weird ways to fix us, so I suggest you to listen to her... :/ that's good for us.

I do know I'm sort of addicted to therapy, but her timing bothered me.

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I think I have been "addicted" to people before, although not to the extreme. For me I think I was having a lot of internal pain, anxiety, loneliness, and this person/people could provide me with something like feeling happy/secure, etc, but it was brief and didn't come from within me. I realized after moving away from some of these people, that it was a bit of a crutch for me, and that I wasn't really addressing the fact that deep down I was depressed. In a way, I think this resulted in giving over my power over my own life a little bit. Getting away from this was very painful, and resulted in a bit of a breakdown because I suddenly had to just sit with these terrible moods and really face them. This spurred me into finally getting into treatment and seeing a psychiatrist, though.

On a positive note, all of those relationships are so much healthier now and I don't feel as dependent on them to make me feel happy or secure. I am not sure that was the best way for your T to bring it up, but it definitely is something that I am not surprised your T would want to address, because otherwise you might remain stuck and not progress in therapy. There is no reason to feel bad, though, it probably means you just have some things that need working out in therapy.

Thank you. I'm embarrassed to say how many years I've been in therapy but I've had different kinds. I'm not sure I'm stuck. I just want the continued support. T would rather I give a lot of support to myself instead. My pattern is to want it to come from T.

Originally Posted by nikon

maybe she just used that word because it suggests that you feel that you can't function without therapy - just as conventional addicts can't function with their substance/addictive behaviour.

I think you hit the nail on the head, Nikon. Or maybe I can function but don't want to. I feel like I need my T in my life forever. I have friends but I want the undivided attention I get from T even if I have to pay a lot for it. I don't know if that's addiction. Probably.e

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

There's an odd goofball arrogance to therapy. My T says variously I am important to you right now and this work we do together is essential - that kind of stuff. These might be true, but it is really strange to say it.

Thanks. Yeah, therapy is weird!7

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

Is it weird that I'm imagining him swinging a pendulum in front of your eyes like a cartoon hypnotist while he says that?

Hmm.

[noneedtoknow]

[QUOTE=MoxieDoxie;6160676]I use the same tactics therapist use on clients on my personal training clients to get them addicted to me as a personal trainer and it works. I have had clients for years.

#1 Rule: Make them feel they are the most important thing in the world at that moment. Everything is about them. It makes them feel good as most the time they do not get that anywhere else.
#2 Mimic their behavior and even things they like can be food, activities (not a T thing but a connection thing)
#3 Keep yourself just out of reach as they want to be your friend and go out to dinner or a movie. Keep the distance.
#4 Always look them in the eye and give as much compassion and empathy for what ever trivial mundane issue they think they have.

Wow...….just wow...….