[Sheffield]

Across several different threads I’ve noticed that a number of us are told by our therapists that they feel that we are more intelligent than them
This may actually be true or maybe designed to build self worth etc but personal experience of this type of comment(and multiple variants-privilege/exquisite mind etc)from my ex psychologist has shown me that Nietzsche was right when he effectively said”play with fire with a therapist and you will get burned”
Some may enjoy and appreciate learning from us but some are playing the game and playing dumb until the client gets too bold or too close when the ultimate sanction is imposed-the therapist leaves the room
Just me or anyone else agree with miserable old Nietzsche?.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I think playing with the fire would be something else. If the therapist claims that he's less intelligent than the client, that's not playing with fire on the client's part. Playing with fire means that you'd be aware of doing something 'dangerous' and still do it. But having the therapist tell you something neither requires awareness, nor is it something that's dangerous to do.

[Favorite Jeans]

Unless your therapist is really unintelligent, I don't think their intelligence relative to yours is that much of an issue in therapy. Frankly, IMHO, few aspects of intelligence are linear and quantifiable anyway, but that's an idea for another place. Your therapist should offer you constancy, perspective, appropriate professional boundaries and demonstrate that they are emotionally grounded. If they can do that, you are much less likely to get really burned. The times I have gotten burned by therapists have all had to with their failures to maintain boundaries and remain emotionally grounded. They broke the rules of their own game. Intelligence had nothing to do with it.

I have never played dumb in therapy nor have I been told by the therapist that I am smarter than they are. It would give me a lot of pause to hear a statement like that from a therapist. I'd wonder what was going on for them. For whatever it's worth as a surrogate for intelligence, I have generally had more post-secondary education/higher degrees than they have (on their business cards anyway). But you know what? I don't go to therapy to discuss the more complex or arcane aspects of my profession. Like everyone else, I go to talk about my relationships and my issues with self-worth and my childhood and all that stuff that often seems like a hopeless quagmire to me and no doubt is all in a day's work for them.

[SalingerEsme]

The post tile captured my attention- love it. I read Irvin Yalom's novel about N's therapy, so that is one context from which I understand what you're saying.

I am academically "smart", but my T blows me away. He has that virtuoso analytical thinking that is a pleasure to follow. He has an incredible mind. That is a huge part of why I stay with him even though he isn't as loving. as agape-seeking, or as attentive a person as ideally I wish my trauma T could be. He is also grounded and professional too. And funny. But he does NOT think I am smarter than he is nor that he is playing with fire in dealing with my intelligence. I giggle just writing that bc I hope my T DOES get a client like that, someone who blows him out of the water intellectually, but that person is not me.

I doubt if even my T has the swagger and blingy brilliance to put Nietzsche in respectful check, but I don't see him conceding much to anyone on his docket today.

[Lrad123]

I am academically “smart” and in fact have a higher degree than my T. I definitely did not seek him out for academic intelligence, though. I certainly think he’s smart enough and I’m a believer in other types of intelligence. I believe he has a lot to offer in the emotional and relational realms which are not my strong suits.

[BudFox]

No matter how you slice it, it's a very manipulative game and the therapist is in the power position. So yea playing with fire.

I received a few compliments or strokes from one therapist. I find it repulsive now. Was cheap and trashy, like emotional prostitution... give the client what they want, get paid, go on to the next.

[CantExplain]

In any relationship, one person is going to be smarter than the other. But surely it is T's job to know how to deal with that.

[Anne2.0]

I have a law degree and a PhD. I rarely meet anyone as over-educated as I am while there are plenty of people smarter than I am. My T is not intimidated by my education, intelligence, or mastery of a particular field that I have worked in for about 30 years. Other than discussing the making of "mastery" and the consequences attendant to that, T hasn't made any positive or negative comment about me at all. Neither did my other T's, with the exception that no one would collude in my negativity about myself and if I said something like "I'm a terrible mother", they might respond with "the way you have described attending to your child's needs, that is not my impression."

I believe in compliments when they are earned, like "tell the kitchen my meal was delicious" but I'm not a big believer in praise for its own sake. I have looked for things to say that are positive with my child but I don't say "good job" for going down the slide or getting up in the morning after he sets his own alarm. I think general and fakeish praise can actually undermine someone's ability to trust themselves and their perceptions of what they do well and what they don't.

So I haven't had the experience of my T playing dumb and if I had, I don't think it would have worked well for me. I believe that positive self worth comes from within, and that external praise or whatever does very little to encourage a person to think better of themselves if they don't already.