[guqqug]

I know this has come up a lot recently, but I have a lot of issues with weight that are being triggered real hard right now I’ve never had an eating disorder but I’m feeling this compulsion to purge. I love my therapist she is the best but she is very pretty and skinny and I am very overweight. I need to talk about my self worth issues surrounding my weight but I can’t imagine talking to her about this. She probably already thinks I’m repulsive for being so big and people on here have said their therapists have responded with diet tips and I don’t think I could handle that. Also, I know her boyfriend is a nutritionist so she must really think I’m trash. I just don’t know how to do this.

[Bcefbc]

I don’t have advice just that I know it can be hard to talk about things that are really close to us. Good luck.

[Fuzzybear]

I had the opposite issue /

I’m sending positive vibes

[JaneTennison1]

Skinny doesn't mean she has never had food issues. Diet tips would be so annoying. You are a grown up and if you need diet tips you can find them, what you need is probably support and care and hopefully your t can provide this.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

Skinny doesn't mean she has never had food issues. Diet tips would be so annoying. You are a grown up and if you need diet tips you can find them, what you need is probably support and care and hopefully your t can provide this.

I agree..good post. I don’t understand why some therapists seem to have an inability to provide this. :-(

[maybeblue]

Believe me, I know how hard it is to talk to therapists about food/weight. And yes, it makes it harder when they are thin and cute. Jerks . Frankly I find it easier to talk to them about sex. But I will say it gets easier the more you do it.

I would suggest making it very clear to her what you want or don't want when it comes to the weight. And they aren't all helpful at all. My wonderful therapist that I love for everything else sucked when it came to talking about food. She is on some weirdo crazy diet and seemed to think I should be on it too. Frankly though if I wanted diet advice I would see a nutritionist. I know what food is healthy and what isn't. You'd have to live in a box not to know that green beans are healthier than kit kats. It isn't a knowledge deficit.

So I went and hired an eating disorder specialist. He did not tell me what to eat. Ever. What he has talked about is more what feelings food brings up, and what feelings I try to smother with food. We've talked about how growing up fat affected my social skills. My goal now is trying to learn to pay attention to when I am actually hungry as opposed to I just want to eat because I feel bad. I admit that I would like to lose weight, and I have a little bit. But he has never suggested that I should, and that isn't really the goal. He's more about accepting myself despite the weight and not trying to punish myself when I eat more than I planned.

So getting back to you, I would suggest saying something, like "I want to talk to you about a really sensitive area, but I'm not ready for advice yet, is that ok?" Or "I want to talk to you about my feelings about my weight but I don't want diet advice. That feels really judgemental." Or something to warn her away from that annoying behavior.

And if you ever want to talk about it with a non-skinny person, feel free to PM me .

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T is slender and pretty. It's hard for me to talk about weight and food with her. At one point I thought she was judging me for my weight. She reassured me that even if I was 500lbs but still healthy, she wouldn't care about my weight. Makes me feel a lot better about myself knowing she accepts me, especially with the way she looks.

[WishfulThinker66]

You are right. This is a difficult subject. I haven't been told much about my therapist's lifestyle but there are conclusions that can be made based on observation. This woman has obvious components of her life that I greatly admire and wish were mine too. One of these things about her is that she is incredibly skinny and fit. There was a time I could describe myself this way so just seeing her is difficult as it exacerbates the feeling of loss I have for my own former lifestyle. I feel quite a shabby failure in her presence.

[Anne2.0]

You haven't said anything that suggests your T has been judgmental in any way. If she wears makeup, does she judge women who don't? Or maybe she judges people who do, because she knows what it "costs" her or she prefers a "natural" look rather than blue eyeshadow and bright red rouge. Or whatever. What if she wore sensible shoes and you always came in heels? Would you think that she would judge you if you complained about your bunions and hammer toes?

I don't see where judgement should be expected just because one is different in appearance or lifestyle? I drive a prius but I don't think badly of people who drive large cars. I live how I want to live on this planet, and don't expect others to follow my lead nor do I expect them to follow my advice or values. However, when the minivan owner told me I should stop using a plastic straw at a restaurant I frequent once/week, I did explain all the ways I have lived rather lightly on this planet besides the prius. Conservation is a value for me, but that doesn't mean I think it should be for everyone.

People can have values, and one of the T values I've most seen in action is a lack of judgement about how people live or what they look like. How people behave, like the guy riding a bike in the park who yelled at me about my dog, my T agreed that was jerkish behavior. Sometimes he doesn't agree. I've lied and then acknowledged my lies and T also wasn't all "lying is bad, you should only be honest with me in therapy" or the like.

But I think this is about you and your fear of others' judgments, and you are just calling it "T." Being open about this with your T, as in you can casually say, "I really need to talk about something very close to myself, but I'm afraid you will judge me for it." Ask your T some questions about things that many people tend to judge but she doesn't. Or whatever might work for you. As Scarlet said, she will probably reassure you that she won't judge and that might be what you need.

The other way to look at this more abstractly is how your fear of others' judgments stops you from getting what you want and need from other people. It seems like you want and need your T's help with these thoughts or urges, but this "judgment" is in the way.

[stormyisland]

I'd second a lot of the things others have already said. Openness is always a good thing. If you tell your t you're worried she'll judge because she's slim that'll open up a possibility for a really useful conversation. I have had a lot of assumptions on how my t views me (most of them negative). I've always openly told her about them. Last time I told her I was worrying about putting weight on during my holidays and going back to therapy bigger than I left. I didn't want her thinking I'd lost control and looked fat. She just said : "I think when you come back we'll need to have a conversation about what you think goes on in my (T's) head. You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about how I think about you and they seem to be very negative and critical. And that is not at all what I think. I think by doing this you are again trying to deny yourself from recieving something positive: my affection and liking of you. " And there was I thinking she thought I was annoying, unlikeable and fat.. so it's definitely worth bringing up.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

My T is slender and pretty. It's hard for me to talk about weight and food with her. At one point I thought she was judging me for my weight. She reassured me that even if I was 500lbs but still healthy, she wouldn't care about my weight. Makes me feel a lot better about myself knowing she accepts me, especially with the way she looks.

this kind of acceptance is rare! Sounds like a keeper!

[bounceback]

I get this I really do. My last therapist was around the same age as me and a fitness nut. She ran marathons and was not only thin but extremely fit. I, on the other hand, struggled with weight my whole life and have lost and regained 100s of pounds, definitely overweight. I found it extremely difficult to talk to her about weight issues. How could she possibly understand how hard it is. I just want to let you know you are not alone.