[Ssigros]

I thought the week before last was the longest week, but I was oh so wrong. This week has been equally long as it's been hard. T is on vacation and session isn't till Tuesday afternoon and it's been over a week since last session or even comunication with T. It feels like there are hours within each passing minute right now. I had such a horrible yesterday dealing with work BS and dealing with my emotions and head the best I could on the edge that I almost drove myself to IP because I couldn't deal. I can call T, but T deals with me twice a week plus many others, so in my head I don't want to bother her and intrude on her Vaca since a nice week away is well deserved and needed. I've been going to the gym everyday just to be able to focus at least one part of me, my body, on something and to not self harm.

My Thoughts:
"I've already broke my almost month of being sober (not giving in to my ED) and T doesn't know that I failed so why would it matter if I did start it back up again?? I mean it would be so much easier to go back to what I know since I already did it once, again. It knows me better than any person could, plus I always come back anyways."

See?? I hate these thoughts and how they grab hold. I think I've also been using the gym in place of my ED. I'm also eating though..and eating as good as I can, but probably not eating as much as I need to with spending 2 hours in the gym everyday. I think I'm just venting because I do miss T, and I'm surprised since I didn't realize I would miss T this much, but I'm also looking for any way to not let my mind to continue to spiral downwards. I also have some unfinished business with T that is weighing heavy on me, but that deserves it's own thread later because it would make this one too long. I'll end this one here.

[Raging Quiet]

It’s really hard when you miss your T to stay healthy if your coping mechanisms are maybe not healthy in the first place. Roll on next Tuesday for you. Take care.

well it is friday- and when the week has been too long, I looove fridays

wait. I love fridays anyway