[chrisb1985]

My therapist has recommended Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and suggested I read The Happiness Trap. The book advises that rather than constrict emotions, you should expand them. To do this it talks about focusing on one emotion that you are feeling, "breathing" into that emotion, giving it as much space in you as it wants, and accepting it as just the sensation that it is. It says you shouldn't judge the emotion at all, but only notice its "physical" characteristics.

I have been doing this for about a week now, mainly on a ball of tension that I have on the back left side of my head, which feels like a pool of anger. I have, however, found that letting this anger "run free" has resulted in a lot of residual anger being left in me, even after I have stopped "practicing" the expansion. The downside to this is that when I feel angry I find it a lot more difficult to think straight, and I also find it very tiring.
I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has a good understanding ACT, or who has tried to apply it to feelings of anger. I'd like to know why I am supposed to be expanding the anger? Is it freeing the anger, which will eventually allow it to move on? Or is the point simply to learn to live with the anger? If so, it doesn't feel beneficial to have to deal with the tiredness and impairment to thinking that comes along with accepting the emotion.

My therapist is away on holiday for the next 2 weeks, so it would be great if anyone can help out now.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I just posted in another thread. From what I understand, ACT is about accepting what is and acknowledging it. So allowing yourself to feel the anger would be acknowledging it. I guess, in a sense, it's preventing an implosion/explosion of emotions, so it gives you control over the emotion.

I don't know if that helps? That's all I really know about ACT because my ex-T didn't feel I was ready for it.

This sounds really interesting and I may ask my t about it tomorrow.

[chrisb1985]

I would be interested in one they say if you do Artie

[chrisb1985]

Just wondered if anyone else could help?

Thanks

Chris

[Anne2.0]

I don't know if I can help, but it seems like this technique/tool/theory shares much in common with some Buddhist philosophies on coping in general. If you poke around online in Pema Chodron's books (I'm not a practicing Buddhist, I just find value in the thinking), especially "When Things Fall Apart", see Amazon.com: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times (9781570629693): Pema Chodron: Books ,

I think you can get a sense of whether some of this wisdom/suggestions might work for you. For me the concept of "chasing after" or trying to make something happen in my emotions (like letting go of residual anger) was really useful. The minute I try to make something happen, feel this way, don't feel this way (for me it's don't feel this way) it is counterproductive. Some of it is like you said, learning to live with it but what happens to me is that there is a gradual "healing" every time I get to the place where I'm okay with it, which is not instantaneous. I think it's a process and it's natural to have some intensity when you're just allowing yourself to feel something. There's no magic to anything, no specific 5 minute practice you can do (although Mel Robbins has some good suggestions), it definitely gets better over time.

I think the importance of self care during emotional times cannot be underestimated. When I'm stressed, I double down on taking good care of myself, eating well, getting exercise and fresh air, spending time on things I enjoy, socializing, etc.

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by chrisb1985

My therapist has recommended Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and suggested I read The Happiness Trap. The book advises that rather than constrict emotions, you should expand them. To do this it talks about focusing on one emotion that you are feeling, "breathing" into that emotion, giving it as much space in you as it wants, and accepting it as just the sensation that it is. It says you shouldn't judge the emotion at all, but only notice its "physical" characteristics.

I have been doing this for about a week now, mainly on a ball of tension that I have on the back left side of my head, which feels like a pool of anger. I have, however, found that letting this anger "run free" has resulted in a lot of residual anger being left in me, even after I have stopped "practicing" the expansion. The downside to this is that when I feel angry I find it a lot more difficult to think straight, and I also find it very tiring.
I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has a good understanding ACT, or who has tried to apply it to feelings of anger. I'd like to know why I am supposed to be expanding the anger? Is it freeing the anger, which will eventually allow it to move on? Or is the point simply to learn to live with the anger? If so, it doesn't feel beneficial to have to deal with the tiredness and impairment to thinking that comes along with accepting the emotion.

My therapist is away on holiday for the next 2 weeks, so it would be great if anyone can help out now.

I use painting and poetry for this, I steep myself in the feelings, sensations, memory traces etc and then release in an embodied way through the channel of creation.

Originally Posted by chrisb1985

I'd like to know why I am supposed to be expanding the anger? Is it freeing the anger, which will eventually allow it to move on? Or is the point simply to learn to live with the anger? If so, it doesn't feel beneficial to have to deal with the tiredness and impairment to thinking that comes along with accepting the emotion.

I haven't worked with ACT or read that book, but I can offer some feedback on these questions, if that will be beneficial at all. Several years ago, I read Thich Nhat Hanh's book, True Love, and he said something like, When you feel anger, the goal isn't to push it away until it's gone, the goal is to cultivate enough loving emotion to hold the anger and heal it within you. That's my interpretation of "expanding" an emotion. Express it instead of compress it, then heal through awareness. I don't think there's much need or benefit to sitting and "expanding" if it's meant as widening/maximizing a negative feeling. That just feels bad. But there is a lot of benefit to sitting and simply feeling what expanse the anger is naturally taking over, then taking it from there. The feelings to be maximized, in my opinion, are ones of self-compassion, acceptance, lovingkindness. (I recognize this is all much easier said than done!)

I've worked with the acronym (Buddhist), RAIN: Recognize what is happening/what you're feeling. Allow the experience to be there as it is. Investigate with interest and care. Nurture with self-compassion.

If you're interested, Tara Brach--whose words I turn to often--speaks frequently on the topic of RAIN. Basically, to heal, one must fully acknowledge what's happening and explore it. Within that, there is space for nurturing.

Since I tend to use PC as a place to bring my therapy-related hurts, I'm sure I don't come across as someone whose "anger management" practices work at all! But out in my real life, outside of therapy and outside of stuff I'm working through re: therapy, I've found RAIN and similar practices to be very useful. I think one of the main things about self-help kind of guidance, is you take what works for you and makes sense for you, and you leave the rest. If the expansion of emotions via ACT doesn't sit right with you and the pool of anger inside, it's not a sign of defeat to move on and look for another source of relief.

[zoiecat]

My T says anger is a balloon emotion for other emotions. Meaning when you feel anger you are also feeling other emotions underneath that are being covered up by anger. So whenever I say something makes my angry he always insists that I look deeper (maybe expanding in a way) for the underlying emotions such a fear, etc.

[chrisb1985]

Thanks RiverLight

Originally Posted by RiverLight

I don't think there's much need or benefit to sitting and "expanding" if it's meant as widening/maximizing a negative
feeling.

- I think the idea is basically not to "constrict" it, and by giving it space it will naturally more on/dissipate.

[QUOTE=RiverLight;6229995]RAIN: Recognize what is happening/what you're feeling. Allow the experience to be there as it is. Investigate with interest and care. Nurture with self-compassion.[QUOTE=RiverLight;6229995] - This sounds very similar, where as the book doesn't mention the self-compassion element specifically. It does it other parts though. Reading Tara Brach's website on this now, and it does make a lot of sense.