[justbreathe1994]

I’m really anxious about my session tonight and a bigger than usual part of me really doesn’t want to go. Many of you know how dependent and attached I am to my therapist. I have been in pain all week from how our last session went on Tuesday and I feel a stronger ability to skip the session, despite never being able to do that before. I am afraid I will regret it though. I don’t know if I’m just trying to send a message to my therapist or “test” her caring by not going because I know I’d be very hurt if she didn’t call or wonder where I was.

[stopdog]

I took breaks when I thought a break would help me center and regroup.

I don't think using not showing up as a test of them calling you because they care usually turns out well.

[justbreathe1994]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I took breaks when I thought a break would help me center and regroup.

I don't think using not showing up as a test of them calling you because they care usually turns out well.

I know, it’s a very bad idea especially given my history with T.

[kecanoe]

I've felt like that, also. The thing is, that many Ts think it is not respectful of a client to call. I don't really know that I agree with it, but it does seem to be a commonly held belief. I've only canceled at the last minute once and T1 didn't call. He asked about it at a later session. But, yeah. There was part of me that wanted something other than "ok" when I texted that I was cancelling. I mean, in over 10 years I have never cancelled.

Based on what I have read here, that is a common T response. Maybe better to go and say that you are mad/upset/hurt?

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by justbreathe1994

I’m really anxious about my session tonight and a bigger than usual part of me really doesn’t want to go. Many of you know how dependent and attached I am to my therapist. I have been in pain all week from how our last session went on Tuesday and I feel a stronger ability to skip the session, despite never being able to do that before. I am afraid I will regret it though. I don’t know if I’m just trying to send a message to my therapist or “test” her caring by not going because I know I’d be very hurt if she didn’t call or wonder where I was.

I doubt the response you would get from your T would be the response that you would want. I think its better to go and talk about why you didn't want to go then to skip the session. At least that is how it always was for me.

[justbreathe1994]

She didn’t call.

I ended up going to my appointment but purposefully going 15 minutes late.

I asked her if she was going to call and she said “No”.

Once again I’m heartbroken. Why do I test her? Why do I torture myself like this? Why am I so &@%#ing pathetic?

[Amyjay]

Because you are hurting. Because you have ambivalent attachment - you want it, you don't want it. Both of them hurt. Which one hurts the least? Both of them hurt! You will hurt if you go, you will hurt if you don't. How can you choose an option when both of them are bad?
It isn't pathetic, there is nothing pathetic about this. This is what happens when human beings are hurt, when attachment is necessary for survival and attachment hurts.

This is all part of the process. This is all part of the process. This is all part of the process!

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by justbreathe1994

I’m really anxious about my session tonight and a bigger than usual part of me really doesn’t want to go. Many of you know how dependent and attached I am to my therapist. I have been in pain all week from how our last session went on Tuesday and I feel a stronger ability to skip the session, despite never being able to do that before. I am afraid I will regret it though. I don’t know if I’m just trying to send a message to my therapist or “test” her caring by not going because I know I’d be very hurt if she didn’t call or wonder where I was.

I can't remember, in my long years in therapy, if I've EVER skipped a session. More than likely, when I felt like skipping, I'd go anyway, and sit there in stony silence. Yes, even though I was paying her, I'd sit there, not saying a word, and probably not looking at her face.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by justbreathe1994

She didn’t call.

I ended up going to my appointment but purposefully going 15 minutes late.

I asked her if she was going to call and she said “No”.

Once again I’m heartbroken. Why do I test her? Why do I torture myself like this? Why am I so &@%#ing pathetic?

I'm sorry she didn't call. I'm sorry you are hurting. It's hard when people don't meet our needs and don't do what we think they should do to meet our needs. I think T's are somewhat immune to people not showing up for their appointment for whatever reason. It happens to them a lot and they don't take it personally, usually, so they don't respond how we would want them to.

[SalingerEsme]

They just won't reward "acting out" no matter what. It's so hard and wounding.

[PurpleBlur]

Originally Posted by justbreathe1994

She didn’t call.

I ended up going to my appointment but purposefully going 15 minutes late.

I asked her if she was going to call and she said “No”.

Once again I’m heartbroken. Why do I test her? Why do I torture myself like this? Why am I so &@%#ing pathetic?

maybe try being honest with your feelings and tell her: if i cancel a session, i would like you to call or text or email or reach out to me in some small way (5 min phone call?) Length should be predetermined and not last long bc by canceling youre not paying for the time...so keeping it as a 5 min check in should be good for both of you.