[SlumberKitty]

Hi All---so yesterday afternoon was my phone call with my former T--it's official now, she is my former T--to say goodbye to her. She got sick with MS and slowly started reducing her hours back in February and then since maybe May or June hasn't been able to come into the office. This Summer we had phone appointments that were based on me finding another therapist to work with. I went to one which ended up being a horrible experience, and then I went to Tony the Tiger T who I have seen twice and so far I like.

Back to the phone call--I am really trying to sort out my emotions and could use some help with that because they are all twisted up and confused. First off, I was crying even before the phone call started, I had been crying off and on all day but in the ten minutes or so before the phone call I just started crying. I have never cried so much like I have cried over this woman this Summer. I was just so sad over saying goodbye and never seeing her again and I was just missing her.


She called me and her picture came up on my phone and I just started crying harder. She asked me what I wanted out of the phone call and I said I just really wanted a good "goodbye" because a lot of times in life we don't really get a good "goodbye". I mean friends drift away, people die, but rarely do we really get to say "goodbye". So she talked about all the things I had done in therapy and how I had grown and what she wished for me in the future. I couldn't really talk because I was crying. She told me that she will always care about me that there will never be anyone else that's exactly like me, there can only be one SlumberKitty except she used my real name of course.


She told me she doesn't want me to commit sui----. That it would rob me of my life and that there are people who I contribute to their life and that they contribute to mine. She said there were things she might have done better as a therapist like pushed me more sometimes or tried harder to stop me when I wouldn't talk about something because I was protecting her. She told me that she cares about me, that she is praying for me (we are both religious and of the same faith), and at the end she surprised me because she said she loves me. I have told her before that I love her (not in a romantic way--just in a human way) but she has never said it. She actually said it twice in the call. The first one was sort of like, it's hard to lose someone that cares about you and loves you, but the second time it was very clear she said, I care about you and I love you. Which of course made me cry more.


She said it's not goodbye goodbye, that it is just goodbye for now. That I am free to email her and even call her down the road. She wants me to focus on connecting to Tony the Tiger T so she doesn't want to be in the way. But I'm not cut off either. She knows I am sending her a little stuffed animal mouse that is the same as the one that I often took to therapy so she said she would let me know when she gets him.

It was a really good call. I didn't say much. She talked a lot but that's because I was crying. I'm still crying. I don't get why I'm crying so much. Yes she was my T of 10 years. Yes I miss her. Yes I care about her. Yes I love her (not romantically). But I just can't stop crying. This is rather unlike me. I told her that her last thing to teach me was how to cry. I spent 10 years not crying, especially not crying in therapy but not really crying at all, and then now I can't stop.


I don't know why I can't stop crying. I didn't SH after the call but I did SH before the call in the afternoon. At work. Yeah, not the best move on my part but no one knows except you all because I haven't said anything to anyone. Why am I crying so much? I'm getting frustrated with myself for crying and crying and crying. It's like I will never stop. And I don't like crying. It just gives me a headache. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel now. I don't even know what I feel now. (That's never been my strong suit.) It's like the tears block out any other feelings.


Anybody know why I'm crying so much? Any ideas on how to stop crying? And this is a long shot but does anyone know what I'm supposed to be feeling now? Has anyone been through something like this where you are just crying a lot over your T and can't stop?

I see Tony the Tiger T this weekend. Saturday appointment--that's new to me, I will see how I like it. I think I need to talk to Tony about all this stuff with my old T. But how do I even start? Anyone know?

[Echos Myron redux]

(((SlumberKitty)))

I don't think there is any one way you are supposed to be feeling. You are grieving right now, and it's not surprising there are a lot of tears. Try to be kind to yourself and allow your feelings to just be. I hope you have a productive session with Tony the Tiger T.

[SlumberKitty]

Thanks Echos Myron Redux.
I'm not crying as much today. More like teary-eyed. I probably could cry but I'm at work, bleh, and I don't need that hassle. I'm trying to be kind to myself and not SH. I'm trying to just sit with the feelings as yucky as they feel but I'm also starting to feel more positive. I know that my former T cares about me and loves me and I can carry that forward in my day to day life. The missing her is hard. We've had a lot of practice this summer since I wasn't able to see her due to her not being able to come into the office. Tomorrow I see Tony the Tiger T and I'm going to do my darndest to talk to her about how it feels losing my old T and what I've been going through, if I don't chicken out. Some of the intensity of the emotion is starting to dissipate and that helps me feel like I can get through this. I just have to take it moment by moment and when the sadness is overwhelming, attend to that. I'm going to try to get distracted at work today for a while and work on something time consuming like worker's comp paperwork so I can let my emotions have a break. I've come to the conclusion that it's just hard and there's no way around it but through it. Thanks for your support and thanks to everyone who gave me hugs.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Anybody know why I'm crying so much? Any ideas on how to stop crying? And this is a long shot but does anyone know what I'm supposed to be feeling now? Has anyone been through something like this where you are just crying a lot over your T and can't stop?

I see Tony the Tiger T this weekend. Saturday appointment--that's new to me, I will see how I like it. I think I need to talk to Tony about all this stuff with my old T. But how do I even start? Anyone know?

Not to be flippant, but crying is a normal reaction to loss, and grief is a *#$*# to go through. Grief is like a little insane wrapped up in sadness.

But why stop crying until you're done? I'm pretty sure you won't be crying when you wake up tomorrow. Just let it be.

I don't know how to start talking about this with your Tony the Tiger, but I could suggest beginning with "I really need to talk about things with __. I talked to her on the phone last week, and I've been so sad and upset since then."

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

Not to be flippant, but crying is a normal reaction to loss, and grief is a *#$*# to go through. Grief is like a little insane wrapped up in sadness.

But why stop crying until you're done? I'm pretty sure you won't be crying when you wake up tomorrow. Just let it be.

I don't know how to start talking about this with your Tony the Tiger, but I could suggest beginning with "I really need to talk about things with __. I talked to her on the phone last week, and I've been so sad and upset since then."

Thanks Anne2.0. I'm really not used to crying. It's a different reaction for me. Even when I stopped seeing T1 who I saw for about 3 years, I was just like, okay, well, I guess that's it. I am crying less today. I can't say I'm done crying, but it is less. I guess eventually one has to be done crying. Some people say crying is cathartic. That's not been my experience, but besides being worn out and headachy, I don't feel as bad as I thought I would after doing a lot of crying. I guess I'm worried about bringing up my old T with my new T. Seems kind of awkward. But that's what I've been dealing with so it seems like I need to bring it up. And new T might have some insights or something that would help ending things with old T. I think I need to get over feeling awkward or embarrassed or whatever so that I can talk to new T about old T. I have to do it at the beginning of the session or it just won't happen. I know me. I will sit there and the time will wind down and I will want to bring it up and then the time will be over. I'll have to do it right away. I'm scared and I don't even know why. Maybe I feel like Tony the Tiger T will be irritated at talking about ending things with my old T. Or she will feel sidelined or something. I'm worried too much about what she will think or feel when I need to be focused on what I'm feeling. I didn't realize that until I wrote it out here in the response. I need to remember that.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Hope you manage to talk about this with your new T, I'm sure she wouldn't mind. It's a pretty normal reaction to grieve the loss of important people in your life, and Ts are usually important to people. Maybe it might help writing it down instead and either reading the note to her or letting her read it? That is easier for some people.

Also, just a tip regarding the headache: that might be because you lost a lot of water that you didn't drink afterwards, at least that's the case for me. Maybe upping your water intake helps with that.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

Hope you manage to talk about this with your new T, I'm sure she wouldn't mind. It's a pretty normal reaction to grieve the loss of important people in your life, and Ts are usually important to people. Maybe it might help writing it down instead and either reading the note to her or letting her read it? That is easier for some people.

Also, just a tip regarding the headache: that might be because you lost a lot of water that you didn't drink afterwards, at least that's the case for me. Maybe upping your water intake helps with that.

ChickenNoodleSoup: Thanks for the tip about drinking more water. That makes sense. Also, thanks for the thoughts about writing it down. That may be helpful in getting me ready to talk about what I need to talk about. Thank you.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

Grief is like a little insane wrapped up in sadness.

But why stop crying until you're done? I'm pretty sure you won't be crying when you wake up tomorrow. Just let it be.

Amen. So well said.