[starfishing]

What are people's thoughts on "respecting defenses and resistance," and has that come up for you in therapy before? I had a conversation about this last session, brought on by some fairly intense manifestations of resistance (which I would agree are fair to characterize as "resistance," even though I've definitely seen that concept used as a way for bad therapists to denigrate and minimize clients who reasonably disagree with them).

I always really appreciate this idea, and was grateful to my therapist for bringing it up when I was having a difficult time talking--affirming that it's meaningful data when resistance and defenses make themselves known, and that they're not just a frustrating obstacle, but a powerful method of self-protection that should be respected and recognized as such in therapy.

[Ididitmyway]

I think too that "resistance" is a "thing". We resist not only in therapy but in life when life confronts us with some of the things we deny, minimize, rationalize etc.

That said, I also believe that resistance should be respected. In fact, there is a quite popular saying in the professional circles such as "you meet the client where they are, you don't meet them where you are". It implies that every person has their natural process unfolding at the pace that is best for them and trying to speed it up is not helpful. Trying to push someone where you want them to be creates the effect opposite from the desirable. They naturally start "resisting", which, I think, is healthy because it's a person's instinctual response to someone who is disrespecting their natural rhythm. I don't see it as a "defense" but rather as a healthy protection of one's individual sovereignty and one's right to go through the process how it suits them, not how it suits the therapist.

That said, I don't see anything wrong with calling people out on their BS every now and then and also calling things the client does by their true name. If they abuse their child e.g and call it "discipline", I would not keep my mouth shut for the sake or "respecting their process". I would call it like it is. If they keep "forgetting" the time of the appointment, cancel late, don't pay on time, I would confront this behavior and ask them if this is a good time in their life to be in therapy because their behavior suggests that they may not be happy with the process. But I would not do these confrontations in the context of addressing the "resistance".

What is usually called "resistance" is the client's unwillingness to accept the therapist's interpretations of their problems, their life situation, their feelings, their beliefs and their behavior. This kind of "resistance" to me is perfectly legitimate and healthy. People have the innate need to be understood on their own terms before they will start considering your ideas about them. If they don't feel "heard", they also won't "hear" you, which is totally normal.

[stopdog]

The first one told me that my unconscious resistance and ingrained defenses were too strong for therapy and that was why she was ineffective. She refused to explain what she meant, but she did say it a few times.

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The first one told me that my unconscious resistance and ingrained defenses were too strong for therapy and that was why she was ineffective. She refused to explain what she meant, but she did say it a few times.

Jeez. What on earth was the context of her saying that? Because that kind of sounds like the equivalent of her showing up wearing a neon sign that says I AM USELESS AND BAD AT MY JOB

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

I think too that "resistance" is a "thing". We resist not only in therapy but in life when life confronts us with some of the things we deny, minimize, rationalize etc.

That said, I also believe that resistance should be respected. In fact, there is a quite popular saying in the professional circles such as "you meet the client where they are, you don't meet them where you are". It implies that every person has their natural process unfolding at the pace that is best for them and trying to speed it up is not helpful. Trying to push someone where you want them to be creates the effect opposite from the desirable. They naturally start "resisting", which, I think, is healthy because it's a person's instinctual response to someone who is disrespecting their natural rhythm. I don't see it as a "defense" but rather as a healthy protection of one's individual sovereignty and one's right to go through the process how it suits them, not how it suits the therapist.

That said, I don't see anything wrong with calling people out on their BS every now and then and also calling things the client does by their true name. If they abuse their child e.g and call it "discipline", I would not keep my mouth shut for the sake or "respecting their process". I would call it like it is. If they keep "forgetting" the time of the appointment, cancel late, don't pay on time, I would confront this behavior and ask them if this is a good time in their life to be in therapy because their behavior suggests that they may not be happy with the process. But I would not do these confrontations in the context of addressing the "resistance".

What is usually called "resistance" is the client's unwillingness to accept the therapist's interpretations of their problems, their life situation, their feelings, their beliefs and their behavior. This kind of "resistance" to me is perfectly legitimate and healthy. People have the innate need to be understood on their own terms before they will start considering your ideas about them. If they don't feel "heard", they also won't "hear" you, which is totally normal.

I agree with a lot of what you're saying here. I don't necessarily think resistance is healthy, though. In my mind it often can be healthy, but there are also a lot of contexts where it can be extremely understandable and justified and still unhealthy. Which still needs to be respected, but makes things a little more complicated.

Scenarios like you mentioned where resistance manifests as lateness, canceling, payment issues, etc. seem like a perfect example, actually--where the resistance is useful data that needs to be recognized and understood, but that also needs to be dealt with directly so that it doesn't actually force therapy to stop.