Reported My T...Investigator Contacted Me

I reported my Old T that I had nearly four years. After just over 1 year, the boards investigator contacted me for more evidence. (emails, session recordings) and now she wants me to go to her office to be interviewed.

My problem is that they seem to be making a big deal out of it and while I want her censured so she knows what she did isnt okay, I DO NOT want her to lose her license. But I dont get to choose.

Should I carry on and just tell the truth, or ignore the investigator and not give anything else? She had 6 years experience and I thought that was a lot at the time. But current T has been a therapist for over 25 years, and referred to old T as a "baby T."

Maybe I should be forgiving for someone relatively new to being a therapist?

Also I think I am doing something in the relationship (transference/counter transference) that pulls on my therapists VERY VERY STRONGLY to take care of me...to do extra things they wouldnt normally do for a client.

I thought it was just T1 but it isnt...a pattern is developing, and I am starting to feel at fault/complicit in the way things happened with T1...that she was just caught up in the counter transference and it wasnt entirely her fault.

I dont know what to do. If I stop cooperating it wont stop the investigation, though, anyway...I asked already. But I vacillate between wanting her to know she was out of line and to be reprimanded, and wanting to go talk to her and apologize for my part in it.

I think what made me finally decide to report is that she used the last five minutes of my last session to say that she never loved me, bc she doesnt love clients...even tho she spent the previous years telling me she loved me, had love for me, I should soak up the love when she offered it, etc etc. Tried to tell me she never said that, gaslighting me.

I found that SO DEMORALIZING and damaging to my soul.

Current T has never said she loves me, but she shows me every session that she does...her actions make me feel like she does....but she has not ever tried to manipulate me into doing her bidding by saying she loves me like T1 did.

I am so conflicted.

Just because people are nice to you, doesnt mean they are in love with you. Especially t's. They are just trying to provide a warm welcoming "homey" environment in which you can easily thrive. Unfortunately, it often does not match our real childhood homes, and we may become confused when met with such positive attention.

Lol what am I, a dog? I didn’t mistake a nice gesture for love Bc I didn’t get any as a child. She TOLD ME she loved me.

So I’m Not sure what to take from this?

I never said anything about being “in love” and the reported t spent years telling me she loved me and I was special. I didn’t imagine it or make it up. So to wait til last session and say she never loved me - unforgivable.

I have no complaints about current t. She told me up front she doesn’t love clients but she “cares deeply.” That’s fine.

T1 said she loved me. T1 said I was special. T1 gave me foot massages, scalp massages, held me on the couch. T 1 got mad at me and gave away my session is had for two years to someone who “deserved it more” and could use it better than me.

I recorded my sessions and I’m not confused into thinking she was in love with me.

I understand those mixed feelings. Honestly, I don't think she will lose her license from what you describe, so I think you should be okay on that front.

Reporting takes a lot of emotional energy and I think the decision you make should be based on your needs, not your therapists. So think about whether the possible outcome is going to be helpful for you, and whether it is worth what it might drag up.

In my view, the amount of time in practice is neither here nor there. If she is taking your money and calling herself a therapist, she should be behaving ethically and should not be gaslighting you.

Your therapist's empathy for your old T would irk me to be honest (in fact my T's initial attempts to understand where my first T's actions were coming from hurt me, so that might be affecting my response to that).

So I understand the mixed feelings, I really do. Make a decision that's based on your interests and needs, and try not to worry about the former T. She will have her own support system, and she went into this career knowing that she needed to be responsible for her actions.

Yes, you should carry on and tell the truth. You don't get to choose. You reported her for a reason, it's up to the board to decide how big a deal to make it or not. 4 years ago is a long time, especially since they already contacted you for the other information after just a year. Perhaps they have had another complaint about her in the meantime.

This is really "not right". Maybe not enough in itself for her to lose her license for, but if there have been other complaints about her, then I can understand if the investigator wants to get more information from you. The board's job is to protect the public and if she is hurting other people. . .That's their job, to prevent other people from getting hurt, if they can.

Even if you DID evoke strong counter-transference feelings in her (it's a Thing with clients with complex trauma. I've read clinical books on it), the responsibility to manage those feelings and to use them in a therapeutic fashion lies on her. Not you.

Hey. Wow i can totally relate to this. Im going through a very similar thing. I wrote about it in past posts if you wanna check it out - but it seems like we both got ****ed over in a similar way. The gaslighting, mitigating and straght up lying is what made me file a complaint in the end. I think thats such a dangerous thing to do to a client and it sounds like bith if our Ts pulled similar moves, that is, they crossed bondaries then realized what they did then stepped back and tried to ******** us that it was just in our imagination. Im having similar conflicts about the complaint i filed, feeling like i asked for to much (wow, it really is weird writing this to you cause ppl keep saying this to me and now im saying it to you) Its their job to set the boundaries, not ours. I know thats like 100% not helpful at all but it is true. They were getting paid and part of accepting the money is accepting the responsibilities that come with the job. Do you have qny evidence? Like emails or tx? I do and im feeling guilt on one hand for sending in like 25 tx message conversations i had with her - but then like, i just read one of the responses you got - it feels like NO ONE will believe me unless i have proof. Anyway if you wanna vent feel free to PM me. I dont like to tell strangers 'I know what youre going through. I know how you feel.' But...our situations sound really similar in a lot of ways and its hard for others to understand what it feels like

Thanks for that. Im going through an ethical complaint too. Its really really hard to remeber this. Its hard not to take any blame.

I'm in the process of deciding whether to move forward with both an ethical complaint and a civil suit against my ex T and I feel very similar to how you describe. My ex T told me for years that he loved me, that I was special, that he would never leave me no matter what I did...and then he abandoned me with no notice, no referral and no explanation. He did a lot of stuff leading up to it that should have been red flags that he was going to abandon me and then just didn't show up for a regularly scheduled appointment one day, didn't respond to my texts, calls or emails about it and ghosted me out of his life. I ended up contacting TELL and they put me in touch with a lawyer who specializes in this kind of thing.

He hurt me worse than all the situations that I went to therapy in the first place did. And I think he should be held accountable for that. TELL said he is not supposed to abandon a client the way he did me - that he should have given me a real termination session and provided me with referrals. I think he should be held accountable for that as well.

But...if I move forward with this complaint - and I have text messages and emails documenting him talking about me behind my back with another client who was also a friend of mine, documenting numerous boundary violations, documenting the abandonment and me telling him I was suicidal and him still not responding - I've been told there is a possibility his license is in jeopardy. And, in the civil suit, if I go after his workplace in addition to him, I'm guessing his job will be as well.

He shared so much of his life with me over the years we saw each other. He has kids, and he just finalized his divorce. And the last time we talked before the abandonment, he told me he was sick.

He ruined my life...but I don't feel good about possibly ruining his.

And up until I sign the paperwork...I think I'd cancel the whole thing if he reached out to me and apologized and said he was wrong and asked for my forgiveness and tried to make it up to me somehow.

Im sorry you delt with all that ****. Like you said, its like when therapists pull this stuff its almost worse then what you went for in the first place and for me thats like - DAMN. I was raped like held down and stuff and of course that was awful but this hurts so bad in another way. All she did was prive what i already knew to be true. The safer you feel, the more endangered you are. Anyhow im from the US, dont know about you but thise are some major HIPPA violations youre talking about. And the stuff about leaving you - im really sorry. I know how much that hurts. Sounds like you should definilty make a complaint. All i know about is stuff in the US but theres different levels of complaining. Like my former therapist is a social worker and she did a whole bunch of ****ed up stuff but i still feel that same apprehension as you so instead of contacting my states Department of Health which deals with SW licences i chose to contact the NASW. Everything is confidential and its like she can still get the supervision i hope she gets but maybe they wont contact the DPH and her licence wont be in jeopardy of being suspended. Anyhow obviously theres no way i could assure you of your former T not getting in trouble. Breaking confidentiality is taken very seriously though. I tried to get help from TELL, didnt help too much. And just, if you dont know, suing a therapist is very hard. Most lawyers wont deal with thoae cases unless its like an inpatient suicide or something like that. Its a very very difficult process. If you have proof you tried to commit suicide that would be 'good' so to speak. You have to have proof that will hold up in court that you were harmed by the therapist and just having another therapist say you were harmed isnt really enough. Anyway, do whats right for you. Im sorry youre going through this

I think it is usually better to follow through and tell the truth given you started this process, and because you can not control nor are you responsible for the outcome. But there is no shame in deciding you no longer have the energy or the desire to spend your time on this, or to change your mind for any reason. I think the complaint process should be about you and not whatever consequences (which could be none, you don't know that they are "making a big deal" as opposed to going through the motions of a process to cover their collective behinds) your former T has to suffer.

I think you can feel free to do whatever is best for you right now, whether that is participate further in the process or not.

Is it really? What book, please? Bc I feel kind of guilty about it...

People are not blank slates, we have an impact on other people. And if you are in a professional role to someone, it is your job whether you are a T or not to manage your feelings towards that person so you can do your job. T's have training to specifically identify and be aware of their personal stuff, so even the more responsibility for them for what they do in response to their personal stuff. It is not your responsibility, even if there is a corresponding relationship in the sense that you do this and they react this way.

I'd say carry on and tell the truth

I understand boards yank licenses only in the worst cases of provable grievances. They have other options like continuing education requirements or a suspension. Clients complain the penalties aren't severe enough.

i saw her for four years, but my last session was october 2015. i waited two years to file the report bc i wasnt sure if i should. i wanted to cool off my emotions first so i could make the best decision.

well, what im talking about is this:


T1 (Barb-reported T) text me Daily until she started to hate me. She gave me foot and scalp massages and held me.


T2 (Dr Smith) saw me for free for 6 months bc she had trouble billing my insurance but she didn’t tell me she was seeing me for free. I found out a year later.


T3 (Lisa (Current EMDR T) regularly gives me extra time and she bought me a $50 blanket.


T4 (Current T Emma) offered to buy me an $80 blanket and for two years she said no touching, no hugs, but lately she holds my hand and hugs me if I ask. She texts me daily which she doesn’t do with any other client.


These all seem like red flags for something I’m doing but I don’t know what it is...but it’s like they are giving something to me they wouldn’t normally give to a client. And for awhile they think it’s their idea that it’s okay, but I'm afraid that eventually they'll snap out of it like T1 did, fall out of my countertransference orbit and get mad at me for taking advantage of them....

All I want to say is that 1) T's are trained to deal with countertransference. It's not a 'get caught up in it situation. I was trained in what to do. She chose to ignore that and went with it, and trust me she knew the outcome and how damaging it could be. 2) If she's not owning to her part in this, and not being responsible for her faults, and outright lying it shows she doesn't think what she did was wrong and will most likely continue this pattern. So I wouldn't feel 100% responsible at all.

That being said what you do is your choice but remember to make a choice that suits you. Meaning one you can live with, one that won't make symptoms etc worse. Do what's right for you. If that's getting justice and challenging yourself to take this on, do it. If it's not cooperating and letting the cookie crumble as it does then so be it.

I hope things turn out okay either way

it's so difficult, I know having been through this process. All you can do is tell the truth and let the chips fall where they do.

Off the top of my head (sorry, I've a huge library), one book is Constance J. Dalenberg's "Countertransference and the Treatment of Trauma".

The gist is that clients with trauma, especially complex trauma, can evoke strong countertransference feelings in the therapist, including sadism or feeling like they need to give the client special treatment they don't give other clients.

So if they don't manage it well, they give more that they can sustain, then grow resentful and then suddenly pull back, injuring the client tremendously in the process.

Sadism can also happen where the therapist mocks the client and treats them poorly among other things. Of course that's really damaging as well.

I really want to emphasize that the client (you) is NOT to blame. The responsibility lies with the therapist.

Interesting string of therapists or pattern you have there...

I don't have any problems forgiving people, but forgiveness doesn't have to conflict with accountability.

It makes me somewhat ill to read about counter/transference in this context. Although I resonate with that concept too, it is really only someone's reaction and feelings regardless of therapy being in the equation. It's no different than if a nontherapist did something abusive. Your ex-T allowed her needs in the therapy space, then abused you by what I think of as 'discarding' and then gaslighted you. It takes a really screwed up person to do that sort of thing.

I don't think people should be condemned for the rest of their life for making a mistake; but as this is egregious, I would not blink an eye if she lost her license. Making a mistake is one thing, but she sounds pretty screwed up as in not fit to practice.

Regardless of what's going on, if they get mad at you, it's on them. That's why they're supposed to be professionals and required to have (or should have) a supervisor therapist to process that dynamic.

It's honestly hard for me to wrap my head around therapy like that — what's appropriate and therapeutic and what's not — because I've never done any kind of trauma work.

But that being said, you're just being you. You're not taking advantage of your therapist or trying to manipulate them; there's no be coercion. It's likely just manifestations of your past relationships being worked out in therapy. And that's not on you.

Oh my gosh....this describes my situation to a T!!!

Yes AB, your T though was shockingly irresponsible to you. Meeting with you in the front seats of cars and at the bookstore? It might be better for him to get structured supervision in order to reapply for credentials if he loses them. He seems out of his own control. I hope you go forward. You really suffered.

It's not your fault. The responsibility lies on the therapist. I'm so sorry your therapist injured you. The responsibility lies on your therapist, not you.