[mcl6136]

So I have been doing e-mail "therapy" with my T for a few months now as she is out of town. At first, we were doing therapy by phone. It wasn't all that productive, but it kind of kept the "channel open" and I felt like I had some support as I am going through a tough time at my job.......new boss, a few good co-workers quitting.

Then, her schedule changed and all that she could manage was email contact. I had some qualms about this-- she was basically jotting down responses to emails ....very brief stuff, and billing my insurance as if I was doing regular sessions. I was having more qualms. And then, a few days ago, I wrote her detailing the issues at work.

I felt that the problems weren't caused by me and she agreed. But what I got back was a note that included (but not limited to):

This is not a problem that you caused, etc, etc. "You are just the poor schlub" who noticed it and are being affected by it.

I flipped my s**T!!!

I grew up in a home where Yiddish was spoken and here is the definition:

What is Schlub in English? - Yiddish Slang Dictionary

Would you find that offensive coming from your therapist?

Ya, maybe I'm over-reacting. Maybe she doesn't know Yiddish. But wow. Just wow.

[PurpleBlur]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

So I have been doing e-mail "therapy" with my T for a few months now as she is out of town. At first, we were doing therapy by phone. It wasn't all that productive, but it kind of kept the "channel open" and I felt like I had some support as I am going through a tough time at my job.......new boss, a few good co-workers quitting.

Then, her schedule changed and all that she could manage was email contact. I had some qualms about this-- she was basically jotting down responses to emails ....very brief stuff, and billing my insurance as if I was doing regular sessions. I was having more qualms. And then, a few days ago, I wrote her detailing the issues at work.

I felt that the problems weren't caused by me and she agreed. But what I got back was a note that included (but not limited to):

This is not a problem that you caused, etc, etc. "You are just the poor schlub" who noticed it and are being affected by it.

I flipped my s**T!!!

I grew up in a home where Yiddish was spoken and here is the definition:

What is Schlub in English? - Yiddish Slang Dictionary

Would you find that offensive coming from your therapist?

Ya, maybe I'm over-reacting. Maybe she doesn't know Yiddish. But wow. Just wow.

depends. does she know what it means? or is she using it the way we might say "poor smuck ie unlucky person?"


i think it unlikely she meant to call you a stupid lazy person, and she probably is using a word she doesnt really know the meaning of.


write back and say hey do you know what the word schlub actually means?



also- the relationship that i have with both of my therapists, if either of them called me that I probably wouldnt care very much. the social worker is the one most likely to say something like that, but being as i touched her today with my toes, I wouldnt care.


the other wouldnt say it, but if she did i still wouldnt care.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by PurpleBlur

depends. does she know what it means? or is she using it the way we might say "poor smuck ie unlucky person?"


i think it unlikely she meant to call you a stupid lazy person, and she probably is using a word she doesnt really know the meaning of.


write back and say hey do you know what the word schlub actually means?

Yes...this is what I must do. But I hate to do it...I don't want to make a thing about it. Maybe that is why I am in therapy to begin with.

I don't want to write to her. I just want this to go away, but it has been nagging at me. The truth is, she is really pretty condescending and I have not wanted to admit it to myself.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by PurpleBlur

depends. does she know what it means? or is she using it the way we might say "poor smuck ie unlucky person?"


i think it unlikely she meant to call you a stupid lazy person, and she probably is using a word she doesnt really know the meaning of.


write back and say hey do you know what the word schlub actually means?



also- the relationship that i have with both of my therapists, if either of them called me that I probably wouldnt care very much. the social worker is the one most likely to say something like that, but being as i touched her today with my toes, I wouldnt care.


the other wouldnt say it, but if she did i still wouldnt care.

I envy your sturdiness. I wish I didn't care. I'm insulted. I wish I wasn't.

[CharlieStarDust]

I also grew up in a Yiddish-y environment and I use words ALL the time that I don’t fully know their meaning - I use them colloquially and because they sound funny. I bet it was meant harmlessly. It to echo others - ask and educate.

[fille_folle]

She probably meant schmuck.

But I am really troubled by her billing your insurance for email correspondence. What billing code is she using? I would be very suspicious she was committing insurance fraud, and that would be a deal-breaker for me.

[PurpleBlur]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I envy your sturdiness. I wish I didn't care. I'm insulted. I wish I wasn't.

i think its bc we have different relationships with our t's.


mine are open to being teased by me when i need to lighten the mood (sometimes i throw pillows at them) so its more easygoing...if they said something incorrectly i would be more forgiving bc i dont feel judged by them.


maybe you feel not as secure with your t and thats why this is hurting you?


its not bad to have the feeling, youre entitled to it. just...clear it up with her? dont let it fester.

[stopdog]

It wouldn't bother me because I never thought the woman was all that bright to begin with so I can completely see her using a word incorrectly. But the woman was Jewish so if she used a yiddish word I would ask her what she meant, show her the definition, and tell her to quit insulting me.
I do not believe in playing with therapists. They have too often believed it meant we had bonded.
The insurance thing would not really bother me. I think insurance companies are evil. I did not use insurance to pay for the therapist.

[ruh roh]

I would chalk it up to being inarticulate and clumsy, but focus on the main sentiment--it's not your fault, you were screwed.

[unaluna]

I would take it to mean, in a work context, that shyte rolls downhill, that your management made some decision that you as a peon are stuck with. Its not very empowering - i guess i would have more of a problem with that. Shes not being very helpful - "eh, your job stinks - get over it." Even Lucy from Peanuts does a little better than that! Heck, even I do a little better than that - sometimes?

[skeksi]

I would guess that she does not know Yiddish or the connotation of the word.

I’ve heard that expression so often and assumed it meant “the poor random person.”

I would not be, but I am hard to offend. I think she didnt realize what she was saying, perhaps.I doubt she was trying to insult you.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by unaluna

I would take it to mean, in a work context, that shyte rolls downhill, that your management made some decision that you as a peon are stuck with. Its not very empowering - i guess i would have more of a problem with that. Shes not being very helpful - "eh, your job stinks - get over it." Even Lucy from Peanuts does a little better than that! Heck, even I do a little better than that - sometimes?

Yes....you do! Often!

[PurpleBlur]

you know, i was thinking- and I could be way off base...

is it possible you're more upset at the extended separation and trying to cope with this twisted semblance of e-mail therapy?


and maybe the word mixup is just posing as an outlet for that bigger frustration that you don't feel like you have permission to complain about?


i hear you saying this arrangement isnt work for you anymore and you are discontent...maybe the conversation you need to have is not about the word, but about finding a new therapist until she can be physically available to you?


if i was in your place i would be feeling robbed of the support and time i needed, especially if she was being paid in full for giving less... full 50 min phone sessions might be different and help keep you connected and supported? if she cant minimally provide that, then.....

[satsuma]

Perhaps email therapy, without the opportunity to meet face to face, isn't the best thing for you and T?
I recently had a misunderstanding where I thought someone was upset with me, and it turned out not to be true at all. The problem is that different people write emails differently, and it's hard to get intention and tone through email, and these things can be much clearer when you are speaking face to face.
Would it be a possibility for you to keep having check-ins every now and then by email with this T, but not full sessions, and in the meantime look for a new T who could offer you fave to face sessions, which could be billed to your insurance?

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by PurpleBlur

you know, i was thinking- and I could be way off base...

is it possible you're more upset at the extended separation and trying to cope with this twisted semblance of e-mail therapy?


and maybe the word mixup is just posing as an outlet for that bigger frustration that you don't feel like you have permission to complain about?


i hear you saying this arrangement isnt work for you anymore and you are discontent...maybe the conversation you need to have is not about the word, but about finding a new therapist until she can be physically available to you?


if i was in your place i would be feeling robbed of the support and time i needed, especially if she was being paid in full for giving less... full 50 min phone sessions might be different and help keep you connected and supported? if she cant minimally provide that, then.....

Well, gee, I think there is some real possibility here. I AM feeling devoid of support from her and also feeling like she is kind of creating the IMPRESSION that the relationship is ongoing through email when it is not.

Had this comment happened in person, rather than online, I would have kind of winced or made a face or said..hey...what? Online, it's harder. And it's harder to broach the subject of finding a new T in the interim in this way, but I think I need to.

Right now, I'm feeling like NO relationship with her for some period is less damaging than the one that I am drifting towards NOW. It is true: she cannot minimally provide that for the time being. That's not her fault, but I am left feeling without the support I could use.

I'm not in crisis and have support in my life, but it does help to have a confidential space to discuss this work-related stuff, as I live in a small town and it's not smart to sound off about some of the people involved.

PB, your comment ....really hits home.

Thanks to everyone for the responses. I feel a lot less jangled by this (though to be honest, the whole situation still stinks) and I appreciate the feedback from the hive mind.

And yes, insurance companies blow for the most part.

[SlumberKitty]

I think that is one of the problems with email therapy where miscommunications happen a lot and its not talked through the same way as face to face therapy. I doubt your T meant to be insulting but you are insulted and my advice, like many others seems to be, to ask your T if she knows what the word means and then let her know you were insulted.

[Wonderfalls]

Originally Posted by fille_folle

She probably meant schmuck.

But I am really troubled by her billing your insurance for email correspondence. What billing code is she using? I would be very suspicious she was committing insurance fraud, and that would be a deal-breaker for me.

I agree with this comment completely. What's important in your relationship is not whether she misused some word but whether she is misleading the insurance company. You wouldn't want to be mixed up in insurance fraud.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by fille_folle

She probably meant schmuck...

Omg, i hope not!! even tho the colloquial meaning is not as objectionable as the literal translation

Possible trigger:

diseased penis

[PurpleBlur]

lol unaluna thanks for the laugh. is that true????

[rjdb]

I would not find that insulting.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by PurpleBlur

lol unaluna thanks for the laugh. is that true????

Hey - who is putting false info on the interwebs??? You made me look it up online - im afraid i am starting to trust my own brain more than the urban dictionary. So, yeah - AFAIK/remember!

[PurpleBlur]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Hey - who is putting false info on the interwebs??? You made me look it up online - im afraid i am starting to trust my own brain more than the urban dictionary. So, yeah - AFAIK/remember!

lol my moms childhood nickname was dinky doo- urban dictionary recently let us know that a dinky doo is a flaccid penis.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by PurpleBlur

lol unaluna thanks for the laugh. is that true????

Yes it is. I did not add this earlier but my T does use Yiddish expressions a lot and uses them in context and correctly, so I do think she knows full well what the term means....and yes, a schlub is a far cry from a schmuck. A schlub is more akin to a nebbish.

Man sometimes I wonder why I was raised in a family where it seemed vital to learn Latin and Yiddish.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by PurpleBlur

lol my moms childhood nickname was dinky doo- urban dictionary recently let us know that a dinky doo is a flaccid penis.

The things you can learn here on PC!!!