[SarahSweden]

With two of my therapists, one several years ago and one just recently I got attached in a way that I have never been to anyone else, not even my parents. At least not at an adult age.


My first T who terminated with me I grieved for about three years before I could let it go. Now with the T I just recently lost I cry and I grieve as if she was a close relative or a very close friend.

Is this all because of the T being caring and showing warmth? I don´t have any childhood traumas like a death of a parent or similar. Also, I haven´t come even close to feel those feelings towards a person in "real life".

[SlumberKitty]

I don't know. I was terribly attached to my former T. But not T1, or T3, and so far not T4. I think there are just certain people that one attaches to more than others. T's usually are caring people (not T3 in my instance) and they show that care and concern so it's a good person to attach to (if attachment is good). I'm not attached to anyone else like I am to T2. Like you I am still grieving the loss of her and our relationship. But there again, I don't usually have as deep of relationships like I did with T2 so it's the loss of the person and the loss of the relationship. I hope it gets better for you soon.

Maybe you felt safe, which lead to more disclosure which by default leads to more intimacy?

It's an interesting concept.

[ElectricManatee]

Maybe you feel more attached to certain therapists because you never really were able to feel that way with your parents. My former T and my father died within a few months of each other a few years ago, and I found that the loss of my former T was way more difficult than the loss of my father. It wasn't that he was a bad person, just that he never listened to me and wasn't able to maintain an emotionally close connection with me the way my former T did.

I do think my former therapist helped me feel more comfortable having close relationships in my personal life. For example, I don't think I would be happily married now if I hadn't had that experience with her. My wife, on the other hand, had pretty decent parents and thus doesn't seem to have the same tendency to get emotionally attached to her therapist (who she mostly sees for talking about stressful work stuff).

[satsuma]

SArah I've experienced what you are describing and also I agree with what Electric Manatee said. If you feel closer to your T than you've ever experienced, it might well be a sign that you didn't experience emotional closeness as a child. I think that doesn't necessarily have to mean that something dramatic or terribly traumatic has to have happened, but it could still be that you didn't feel heard, understood or nurtured in an emotional way.
Of course I personally can't possibly know that for sure but that is my feeling about it. Everyone needs to basically feel seen and heard and loved in some way, and when we haven't experienced that then there can be this huge void, and then it's extremely powerful when someone actually starts to fill that void by being caring and nurturing towards us. That's my opinion about how/why it might happen and I think to a certain extent that's how it happened with me.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, I think so, she was the first T or first person ever who I felt I could open up to and talk to. I also felt she didn´t just "act like a T" but that she genuinely felt comfortable with me crying or expressing feelings. She also encouraged me to do so.


I´ve also thought about therapy as a kind of catalyst for opening up and it can be both rewarding but also be a door to hurt and anger. I feel a constant void and even if I did before entering therapy in the first place I think that the more aware I get, the more I also realise I lack.

Originally Posted by guileless

Maybe you felt safe, which lead to more disclosure which by default leads to more intimacy?

It's an interesting concept.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, it might have been that way and at the same time I can´t say my parents were emotionally cold towards me when I was little. When I´m now an adult I don´t feel that much closeness to any of my parents but why that is I can´t really say for sure.

I think your example clearly shows how a T can become more important emotionally than a parent and I would never dream of having the same kind of talks with my parents as I had with my T. I think for those who already have stable relationships, the relationship with their T:s is less central to their work. Then it´s more about finding ways to solve things.

It had though been possible to understand my feelings if I had gone through some trauma and know that was the reason. Now I just keep longing for my therapist and for a person I can never see again.

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

Maybe you feel more attached to certain therapists because you never really were able to feel that way with your parents. My former T and my father died within a few months of each other a few years ago, and I found that the loss of my former T was way more difficult than the loss of my father. It wasn't that he was a bad person, just that he never listened to me and wasn't able to maintain an emotionally close connection with me the way my former T did.

I do think my former therapist helped me feel more comfortable having close relationships in my personal life. For example, I don't think I would be happily married now if I hadn't had that experience with her. My wife, on the other hand, had pretty decent parents and thus doesn't seem to have the same tendency to get emotionally attached to her therapist (who she mostly sees for talking about stressful work stuff).

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, I see this as a possible explanation and I think there must be a reason I searched for a therapist in the first place. In some way I know it´s because I´m lonely and I have no one to turn to and I don´t really know how I have ended up like this. Also, I have never found out in more detail what this could be about as both my therapies with therapists I liked ended abruptly.

Originally Posted by satsuma

SArah I've experienced what you are describing and also I agree with what Electric Manatee said. If you feel closer to your T than you've ever experienced, it might well be a sign that you didn't experience emotional closeness as a child. I think that doesn't necessarily have to mean that something dramatic or terribly traumatic has to have happened, but it could still be that you didn't feel heard, understood or nurtured in an emotional way.
Of course I personally can't possibly know that for sure but that is my feeling about it. Everyone needs to basically feel seen and heard and loved in some way, and when we haven't experienced that then there can be this huge void, and then it's extremely powerful when someone actually starts to fill that void by being caring and nurturing towards us. That's my opinion about how/why it might happen and I think to a certain extent that's how it happened with me.

[Fuzzybear]

I think some therapists manipulate us to make the “transference” / attachment “take”...