[coolibrarian]

So, the news is not as bad as I'd feared, although I am still worrying about my T, her cancer, and me. There's a clinical trial that she is going to try. I don't know when that is going to start, and the side effects may prevent her from working for a while. But that's in the future and not something I should worry about now. What's super interesting to me is that somehow I started talking about my ex-husband and a lot of anger towards him has risen to the surface. I really thought I had worked through that anger, but my T said it's just another "layer of the onion that is peeling off." Thank you to my pocket riders. You helped a lot.

[SlumberKitty]

I'm glad the news wasn't as bad as you feared. I know it is still worrying. But I'm glad there is a treatment she can try. ((hugs))

[nottrustin]

I am so sorry you are going through this Cool. Right now though it sounds like some positive news.

[Anne2.0]

My spouse was in a clinical trial where he received the current and recommended palliative chemotherapy *plus* the perhaps magic drug (turns out that he didn't, because they took him off the protocol because they thought his side effects might be caused by the medication). I tell you this in case you thought as I did in the beginning, that it was either the experimental treatment or nothing. Patients still get the standard treatment--or the best medicine has to offer now-- they would receive if not in a clinical trial, plus the 50% likelihood of the experimental drug.

After my spouse died, I found that the grief did sort of recycle me through issues I thought I'd resolves. That's the undoing that grief does to a person, it's not-always-obvious crazy making. I agree it feels like another layer uncovered, but that metaphor doesn't stop it from s*cking pretty bad. I will say that having some distance from grief, I feel stronger in those previously broken-healed places, so it felt to me like it was ultimately worth the backtracking.