[Fuzzybear]

I’ve been reminded of some messed up boundaries a certain T had. He always extended his hand for a hand shake at the end of sessions. Then, after several years... his hand was exceedingly... limp. Weird and even somewhat.. when I questioned this, he said in a harsh tone that he had decided to change and stop shaking hands at the end of sessions, and added “we don’t have to make love at the end of sessions”

I question what he was trying to... achieve..

He succeeded in provoking anger, pain, even feelings of shame..

What a butcher job.. imo.. this behaviour from a therapist didn’t and wouldn’t help people’s trust issues, self image, boundaries, “defences” or a whole lot of other stuff.. imo..

[here today]

Did you realize at the time what a . . . joke. . .that was?

One of the things that has made life difficult for me is that I learned early on that talking about "bad" things about others was not approved of. It made me the bad guy for talking about the things. So I learned not to see them -- easiest way to avoid mentioning them! They were not to be talked about, they did not "exist" in the collective, "objective" reality. So they stopped existing in my subjective "cognitive" reality, too. Though not in my emotional, subjective reality necessarily. NOT a healthy thing.

It seems good, even though unpleasant, that you're aware of this, at least now, about the T.

His reaction to your question was remarkably insecure and unprofessional. Perhaps you should be shopping for a new therapist, as his insecurity and lack of professionalism are very likely manifesting themselves in other areas of his practice which you may not have noticed or are trying to ignore.

[TrailRunner14]

I’m so sorry that happened to you!

I think he was a jerk!!

Wow, that was serious crap indeed! What does a handshake have to do with making love? Even if it was a joke or something, it's just distasteful and highly inappropriate.

[Ididitmyway]

What an insecure jerk! To be honest, outside of the therapy situation, his reaction seems rather laughable to me, but in the therapy context to get this from a therapist is outrageous.

[1stepatatime]

Wow, what a lame thing to say. Honest to God I sometimes think that these therapists don’t have their sh** together at all. So sorry that you had that experience!

Awful! I am so sorry.

I’m not sure what’s worse. The boundary change or the absolutely shaming and gutting commentary.

[doogie]

Yikes! Joke or not, completely inappropriate!

[SlumberKitty]

What a jerky thing to do! And inappropriate! If he wanted to change how he ended the therapy sessions (i.e. not with a handshake), he should have just said so. (((hugs)))