Session Update-- Damn, I love him.

Well, he's leaving the psychoanalytic center for good. I told him, "I told you that you were gonna leave!!!" And he said, "Yes, you did tell me that-- but at the time that you told me, I really did know that I would be leaving for good."

Starting in January I will be seeing him at the other office. He said that we will set up a schedule of 2x per week. One of those days will be Saturday. He said that he wants 2x per week to be a set thing so that I won't get hurt-- because in the past we would do 2x per week during a break from school or something and then have to stop because of the schedule change-- and of course I would be devastated. He said that even if sometimes we can't do the 2nd session, then it will be done by phone in order to keep the 2x per week thing going.

He said that switching offices will afford me a lot more constancy beause know I can know that he will be there everyday-- and there will be a lot more flexibility in his schedule now.

Then (and I was really surprised about this) he told me the reason why he was leaving. He told me that he no longer wants to adhere to the strict psychoanalytic method that the center wants the therapists to do. He said he doesn't want to be a blank screen-- so he needs to go elsewhere. I told him how much I appreciate that he told me that.

The only thing that sucks is that the other office is in the suburbs, probably about 30 minutes away. I am used to the luxury of going to therapy right here in the city, accesible 10 minutes by car, bus, or subway. It will be weird to come out of therapy without the comfort of the skyscrapers. I always look up at them once I step outside of the building, as if to say-- yes, I am still here.

It was funny-- we were talking about the blank screen thing and how he doesn't want to be like that... and he said, "I answer questions, don't I?" And I said, "Well, you better start if you're gonna make me drive all the way out to the suburbs!" And he goes, "You better, too!"

I held the teddy during this session. I shared the letter with him about letting the SI go. I told him that he is the only one to ever get through to me-- to understand things about it that no one else every has-- to know things that no one else has ever realized-- that he has made the effort to see all parts of me-- told him how that overwhelmed me quite a bit.

After session I went to one of the accesory stores and found a silver teddy bear charm on a silver necklace. He is very sparkly. I bought him and am wearing him now. For some reason, it is very comforting.

Next week he can't be there on Saturday so we are having a session on Sunday.

Damn, I love him.

Sounds like things are going well for you. I'm glad that your T can be so supportive

The teddy bear necklace can be a nice thing to help you stay feeling connected to T, and even maybe help in avoiding SI. I've used a couple different little things like that over the years. In fact, I wore a bear necklace to represent T when I was trying to quit SI!

Good luck to you

SweetCrusader, it wasn't until I read your post that I realized something-- The 1st time I brought the teddy bear to session we talked about why I brought it.... and he said, "When you hold the teddy it can be like........" And I mumbled, "Okay yea fine, it is sorta like holding you." Then when I got mad at him, teddy went back into the bag. So yes, I guess the bear does represent T and that is why it feels so comforting to wear the pendant around my neck.

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pinksoil said:
He said that he wants 2x per week to be a set thing so that I won't get hurt-- because in the past we would do 2x per week during a break from school or something and then have to stop because of the schedule change-- and of course I would be devastated. He said that even if sometimes we can't do the 2nd session, then it will be done by phone in order to keep the 2x per week thing going.

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This is a good thing you do need constancy as I do. I'm glad that he is going to work this out for you.

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pinksoil said:
He told me that he no longer wants to adhere to the strict psychoanalytic method that the center wants the therapists to do. He said he doesn't want to be a blank screen-- so he needs to go elsewhere. I told him how much I appreciate that he told me that.

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I'm glad he told you this too. My T and I have discussed the blank screen versus a more interactive therapy. My T isn't the type to be quiet (his words too) and neither am I. In fact, now that I realize all of the therapy types out there, whenever there was a therapist that I would see who would sit there and blankly stare at me, I never went back. It was humiliating to me that I would say something about myself to a perfect stranger who should be helping me and I get a blank stare back...

That sort of therapy doesn't work for everyone and I'm glad your T is acknowledging that and making adjustments.

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pinksoil said:
It will be weird to come out of therapy without the comfort of the skyscrapers. I always look up at them once I step outside of the building, as if to say-- yes, I am still here.

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I miss those skyscrapers too. I loved hanging out on the waterfront at Rock Lobster and dancing with my friends outside...loved it!

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pinksoil said:
It was funny-- we were talking about the blank screen thing and how he doesn't want to be like that... and he said, "I answer questions, don't I?" And I said, "Well, you better start if you're gonna make me drive all the way out to the suburbs!" And he goes, "You better, too!"

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My T and I have had a similar exchange on this topic. I love your T even more now...

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pinksoil said:
After session I went to one of the accesory stores and found a silver teddy bear charm on a silver necklace. He is very sparkly. I bought him and am wearing him now. For some reason, it is very comforting.

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This is part of what I love about the therapy relationship, taking something from our T's and clinging to a symbol of sorts out of session.

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pinksoil said:
Damn, I love him.

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I've said it before but in case you missed it...I love him too! I'm glad you have him and I can feel how focused he is on you and helping you.

That sounds like a great session, pink. So honest and reassuring.

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Then (and I was really surprised about this) he told me the reason why he was leaving. He told me that he no longer wants to adhere to the strict psychoanalytic method that the center wants the therapists to do. He said he doesn't want to be a blank screen-- so he needs to go elsewhere. I told him how much I appreciate that he told me that.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Sounds like your T is continuing to grow in his profession. Good for him. It must have been frustrating to have to stick to a particular therapeutic approach just because of the clinic he worked at (kind of like how frustrating when insurance butts into therapy). Now he can use a mixture of approaches and taylor them to what is best for each client. A big win-win for him and his clients! (And you!)

I like the teddy bear charm. Perfect way to stay connected. And comforted.

Yes, I thought so.

((((hugs)))) Glad he's branching out on his own.

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