[nottrustin]

Things afternoon I received a call from Psych Np ( will just use np) office to reschedule my appointment. It hit me hard and my anxiety went through the roof. A short time later I left for my appointment with T.

When I went into my appointment my anxiety was high and I was playing with a piece of cloth she knows that is what I use it for. She was awesome. We discussed how it is hard especially since Ts passing. She asked me about my work with NP and about Si in the past. She explained she was asking the questions to help me see how I am in a different place than in the past.

We talked about how I handle emotional overload I explained that when it happens I can't switch my brain to coping skills. She said "but you said you felt better after contacting me. Do you did know how to handle it" I explained that I feel like I shouldn't have to contact her. She asked why not?? She said it was okay with her when I told her that I felt I needed to do cope on my own.

Then I switched to asking about her using supervision about me and fear it was because I am to complicated. She explained then especially with specialized therapy it is very common. Her group uses it to bounce ideas. She wants to make sure she is doing the best possible for me in order to make it easier for me. That she was not frustrated or overwhelmed. She wasn't going to drop me and she doesn't plan to go anywhere for many years. However, if things change she would tell me as soon as possible.

It was late and I asked her quickly if she always wanted to do this for work. The answer was far from quick as she thought about it in undergrad but wasn't sure so she mentioned various positions she held before grad school to "test the waters." My appointment went 20 minutes late. Then when she got up she started to put her arms up but quickly put them down. She then asked if I wanted a hug. I said yes and then we shared a lovely nice hug.

[Anne2.0]

I am really glad you had this appointment. In my experience with grief, after a big loss I had some anticipatory grief for many of the people in my life, whether they had health crises or not. It was more difficult when others (including my T) were sick, especially before I understood the nature of it. I think it's pretty expected in the course of experiencing a big loss. It seems to me that you're coping very well, FWIW.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I am really glad you had this appointment. In my experience with grief, after a big loss I had some anticipatory grief for many of the people in my life, whether they had health crises or not. It was more difficult when others (including my T) were sick, especially before I understood the nature of it. I think it's pretty expected in the course of experiencing a big loss. It seems to me that you're coping very well, FWIW.

She knows I have abandonment issues whether it be because a person chooses to leave or through death. I have eluded to fears of getting close and then not being able to work together. The way I phrased it last night she realized my fear is losing her too. She was as reassuring as she could be.

[SlumberKitty]

It sounds like you had really nice, good appointment. I'm happy for you. Kit.

[nottrustin]

Yesterday. I felt great about my appointment..today not so much. I feel like I want to know more about her..but nore importantly, I also fear that I exposed myself in ways I had not with T. WTF!!!

[coolibrarian]

This is great!

[LonesomeTonight]

Glad you had such a good session!