Did you ever ask your T if they dated a former client?

Nov 11, 2018 at 07:10 PM

This is about self disclosure, not romantic feelings...

I was reading the APA ethics which states it's ok for a therapist to be in a relationship with a former client if 2 years has past.

Out of curiosity, I want to ask him if he's ever done this. Has anyone asked their T about this and got an answer?

DP_2017 · Nov 11, 2018 at 07:11 PM

No. Mine was married for many years until recently. That's unlikely. He's only been a T a few years.

It IS ok for this to happen in pretty much every state after 2 years but most would likely never admit it anyway if they had.

stopdog · Nov 11, 2018 at 07:14 PM

No. I can't imagine why I would care.

Salmon77 · Nov 11, 2018 at 07:29 PM

I never thought to ask. My T has been married longer than he's been a T, so I'm sure the answer would be no.

If you ask you should probably be ready for a long discussion about why you're asking.

lucozader · Nov 11, 2018 at 07:36 PM

I really, really hope (and believe) that is not something any of my Ts would do.

Nov 11, 2018 at 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lucozader

I really, really hope (and believe) that is not something any of my Ts would do.

Me too. I would be disappointed (but intrigued at the same time).

nottrustin · Nov 11, 2018 at 09:15 PM

I could never imagine that. I also dont think I would want to see somebody who would.

Nov 11, 2018 at 09:24 PM

No, its not my business. Also, my therapist has been married for twenty years and met her husband in grad school. It never would occur to me to ask something like that.

precaryous · Nov 11, 2018 at 09:30 PM

The last two, absolutely.
Yes.
And I’ve asked them if they have malpractice insurance...and how much $ they are insured.

RaineD · Nov 11, 2018 at 11:20 PM

No, it never occurred to me to ask such a thing. Nor would I. It seems rude.

ArtleyWilkins · Nov 12, 2018 at 08:08 AM

No. One, not my business. Two, never would have crossed my mind; my therapist spoke of his own very firm boundaries concerning therapist/client relationships rather explicitly.

ElectricManatee · Nov 12, 2018 at 11:11 AM

My therapist has a "once a client, always a client" policy, which means that her clients are always welcome to come back to therapy after they are "done," even if it is years later, but it also means that they will never be anything other than clients to her.

Nov 12, 2018 at 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

My therapist has a "once a client, always a client" policy, which means that her clients are always welcome to come back to therapy after they are "done," even if it is years later, but it also means that they will never be anything other than clients to her.

I suspected my T would be like this too, but then found out through google years later that he and his therapist had a dual relationship at one point. And I was very jealous because he was insistently blank slate with me up until recently-so if he believes in that way of practice, how could he and his own therapist be doing things outside of the frame of therapy?

Nov 12, 2018 at 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

No. One, not my business. Two, never would have crossed my mind; my therapist spoke of his own very firm boundaries concerning therapist/client relationships rather explicitly.

He doesn't have boundaries about my asking questions. That would probably feel controlling to me.

He certainly may have boundaries in regard to what questions he answers, but he never said what they are explicitly.

Nov 12, 2018 at 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaineD

No, it never occurred to me to ask such a thing. Nor would I. It seems rude.

I think therapy doesn't hold normal social conventions, so I don't think it's rude in that context.

I doubt my T would think it's rude either. I suspect he'd be curious about why I want to know.

Argonautomobile · Nov 12, 2018 at 11:29 AM

Honestly it had never occurred to me. It feels tantamount to asking, "So, by the way, are you unethical?" If I felt the need to ask, I'd probably just not see the T at all.

ElectricManatee · Nov 12, 2018 at 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by octoberful

I suspected my T would be like this too, but then found out through google years later that he and his therapist had a dual relationship at one point. And I was very jealous because he was insistently blank slate with me up until recently-so if he believes in that way of practice, how could he and his own therapist be doing things outside of the frame of therapy?

Maybe his own therapeutic style was formed in part by what he saw as some of the pitfalls of the dual relationship he had with his therapist?

Nov 12, 2018 at 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

Honestly it had never occurred to me. It feels tantamount to asking, "So, by the way, are you unethical?" If I felt the need to ask, I'd probably just not see the T at all.

The ethical guidelines state it's ok to do after 2 years as long as other certain conditions are considered. So, it's not asking about unethical behavior (if that's what you meant).

For me, it would be more like asking if he ever cheated on his wife.

Whalen84 · Nov 12, 2018 at 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by octoberful

Me too. I would be disappointed (but intrigued at the same time).

😂😂 thats the best way to put it i think

Argonautomobile · Nov 12, 2018 at 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by octoberful

The ethical guidelines state it's ok to do after 2 years as long as other certain conditions are considered. So, it's not asking about unethical behavior (if that's what you meant).

For me, it would be more like asking if he ever cheated on his wife.

Fair enough.

I'd still personally consider it extremely weird and suspect even after two years, something like a teacher who started dating a former student after they turned 18. Maybe not technically "unethical," but I think it speaks volumes about someone that they'd date a person they met in a situation of such power differential. I'd think there was either something predatory or over-enmeshed/rescuing in their personality.

So, yeah, if I felt the need to ask I just wouldn't see the T at all.

But that's just my opinion. To each their own.

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Anonymous56789 Guest Posts: n/a	Nov 11, 2018 at 07:10 PM #1 This is about self disclosure, not romantic feelings... I was reading the APA ethics which states it's ok for a therapist to be in a relationship with a former client if 2 years has past. Out of curiosity, I want to ask him if he's ever done this. Has anyone asked their T about this and got an answer?
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DP_2017 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2017 Location: A house Posts: 4,414 6 665 hugs given	Nov 11, 2018 at 07:11 PM #2 No. Mine was married for many years until recently. That's unlikely. He's only been a T a few years. It IS ok for this to happen in pretty much every state after 2 years but most would likely never admit it anyway if they had. __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love.
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stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 34,778 (SuperPoster!) 12 1 hugs given	Nov 11, 2018 at 07:14 PM #3 No. I can't imagine why I would care. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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Salmon77 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2014 Location: PNW Posts: 1,394 10 106 hugs given	Nov 11, 2018 at 07:29 PM #4 I never thought to ask. My T has been married longer than he's been a T, so I'm sure the answer would be no. If you ask you should probably be ready for a long discussion about why you're asking.
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lucozader Most Dangerous Member Since Feb 2017 Location: UK Posts: 2,920 7 7,642 hugs given	Nov 11, 2018 at 07:36 PM #5 I really, really hope (and believe) that is not something any of my Ts would do.
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Nov 11, 2018 at 09:15 PM #7 I could never imagine that. I also dont think I would want to see somebody who would. __________________
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Anonymous47147 Guest Posts: n/a	Nov 11, 2018 at 09:24 PM #8 No, its not my business. Also, my therapist has been married for twenty years and met her husband in grad school. It never would occur to me to ask something like that.
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precaryous Inner Space Traveler Member Since May 2014 Location: on the wing of an eagle Posts: 3,880 9 8,141 hugs given	Nov 11, 2018 at 09:30 PM #9 The last two, absolutely. Yes. And I’ve asked them if they have malpractice insurance...and how much $ they are insured.
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RaineD Grand Member Member Since Aug 2017 Location: United States Posts: 950 6 962 hugs given	Nov 11, 2018 at 11:20 PM #10 No, it never occurred to me to ask such a thing. Nor would I. It seems rude.
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ArtleyWilkins Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: USA Posts: 2,788 5 7 hugs given	Nov 12, 2018 at 08:08 AM #11 No. One, not my business. Two, never would have crossed my mind; my therapist spoke of his own very firm boundaries concerning therapist/client relationships rather explicitly.
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ElectricManatee Magnate Member Since May 2017 Location: Earth Posts: 2,515 6 4,704 hugs given	Nov 12, 2018 at 11:11 AM #12 My therapist has a "once a client, always a client" policy, which means that her clients are always welcome to come back to therapy after they are "done," even if it is years later, but it also means that they will never be anything other than clients to her.
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Argonautomobile Magnate Member Since Sep 2015 Location: usa Posts: 2,422 8 2,009 hugs given	Nov 12, 2018 at 11:29 AM #16 Honestly it had never occurred to me. It feels tantamount to asking, "So, by the way, are you unethical?" If I felt the need to ask, I'd probably just not see the T at all. __________________ "Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of their marvels." - Francisco de Goya
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