I had a bit of a weird session the other day where my T delicately pushed me more then they have done before. I have been seeing them for about 3.5 years now.


I struggle with opening up and really looking at things in session. I contemplate all day long outside of session but in session its difficult. So they started the session with this and looking at the part that didn't want to help. This part scurried away and I retreated big time.

Anyway another thing they asked/said to me was they needed me to engage and let them know what was working. I know I don't give any affirmation about what and what isn't helpful and often get annoyed at them for doing things well e.g. telling me to look after after myself like eating properly or affirming the way i am acting is adult and when its not etc. They are met with indifference, sometimes annoyance and at best dismissal or completely overlooking/ignoring what was said/done. I basically leave them no indication as to whether they are helping me and only imagine this leave them stuck and maybe exhausted.

I am just getting to the point of exploring with them not being able to talk and open up fully and atm talking to them about what i need or what they do for me and how i fnd therapy helpful isn't really an option.
I just wanted to get insight into other experiences of giving their therapist feedback telling them how they are finding it.

[piggy momma]

Huge fan of feedback! Therapists aren't psychic - they need to know what is working and what isn't. I give feedback often - either during the session or I'll send a text after I've had time to think about it. At the end of the day, I'm a paying consumer, and I want the most bang for my buck.

My feedback might be subtle - for example, one day my therapist asked if the only reason I was doing something was because he said so. I said yes. He said "are you kidding me?" and I said "nope". Basically - what he was doing/saying wasn't helpful to be and I was just going on for the ride. Another time he said something to me that really made me feel good, so I told him so. Another time I told him that him asking me the same thing week after week isn't going to make the situation any better, so stop asking. He hasn't asked since. I just sent him a very long email telling him one of the most profound things that has happened to me in therapy, and what i needed from him as a result. Now that I've told him, I expect it.

Feedback is important in any job - therapy is no different. Your therapist WANTS to help you, so give him some cards to play with.

[Firewoodguy]

I give my therapist feedback all the time. She can't see my facial expressions and body language so she counts on me to say it. For example she asked me a question last week which I dodged, then asked it again this week.

I said "you cant see this but every time you ask that I cringe because I don't want to talk about it."

She said she thinks its important, can we make a deal to address it later? So we made a plan to bring it up in another month.

Without that direct feedback I imagine I'd be annoyed with her all the time - or she'd completely miss the mark.

I like feedback a lot, both giving and receiving. It can provide much-needed reality checks to everyone, or at least another perspective. I know that in some modalities of therapy feedback is kinda discouraged or at least not encouraged directly for what they sometimes put as not focusing on opinions and judgment - I personally don't like those approaches and don't think any T has a good reason not to take feedback from their clients. I gave my Ts plenty. One handled it generally very well and with a great deal of reflection/responsibility. The other one often handled negative feedback very poorly - actually more poorly than most people I have dealt with in my life. It was important to recognize that his ineffective and blame-shifting ways of dealing with my feedback was a strong general trend in his behavior and not in mine. So it did not stop me. I really don't think clients need to worry about giving Ts feedback whenever we feel like it. I like to remain civil and polite as much as reasonable but quite direct. Same in everyday life. I think it really helps to create and maintain healthy relationships and to meet our personal goals.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by 502041

I had a bit of a weird session the other day where my T delicately pushed me more then they have done before. I have been seeing them for about 3.5 years now.


I struggle with opening up and really looking at things in session. I contemplate all day long outside of session but in session its difficult. So they started the session with this and looking at the part that didn't want to help. This part scurried away and I retreated big time.

Anyway another thing they asked/said to me was they needed me to engage and let them know what was working. I know I don't give any affirmation about what and what isn't helpful and often get annoyed at them for doing things well e.g. telling me to look after after myself like eating properly or affirming the way i am acting is adult and when its not etc. They are met with indifference, sometimes annoyance and at best dismissal or completely overlooking/ignoring what was said/done. I basically leave them no indication as to whether they are helping me and only imagine this leave them stuck and maybe exhausted.

I am just getting to the point of exploring with them not being able to talk and open up fully and atm talking to them about what i need or what they do for me and how i fnd therapy helpful isn't really an option.
I just wanted to get insight into other experiences of giving their therapist feedback telling them how they are finding it.

I read never great at giving T feedback I would just go with the flow. The couple of times I did she was great about it. I think for the first few years I didnt know any better... then we had a groove and so didnt feel the need to say much.

With Emdr I have offered feedback a few times and she is always appreciative and we discuss it and come to an agreement. I have told her when she disnt know critical information that I felt she should and that it bothered me. I have told her when I am not comfortable doing things.

[velcro003]

At just a little over 3 years with my T am I able to give her a tinnnyyyy bit of feedback during session. I usually don't, but she also doesn't ever ask about it either.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T loves feedback. It lets her know what works and what doesn't. And because of the feedback, she has adapted to me. She is so much more helpful now than she was when we first started.

Its not that I don't think it is a good thing or my T does not welcome it. its is almost as though i can't give it. I feel like it is a power thing. I can't give them anything because that feels like in itself will make me vulnerable.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by 502041

Its not that I don't think it is a good thing or my T does not welcome it. its is almost as though i can't give it. I feel like it is a power thing. I can't give them anything because that feels like in itself will make me vulnerable.

Could you talk about this exact feeling with your T--that you feel uncomfortable giving any feedback? And maybe just talk in general about the feeling of imbalance in therapy--they're difficult conversations, but can be helpful and important ones.

One way I've found to be helpful in giving feedback to my T is to write/type it out, then either email it or hand it to him at the start of session. It can be easier than saying it out loud. maybe consider trying that? I've definitely found giving feedback to be helpful, and my T is very receptive to it. (Though he gives me feedback, too--part of his style.) And he's adapted as a result of what I've told him.

[DP_2017]

I've never given feedback. Never thought of it. Not sure what I'd even say

[Waterloo12345]

I've given feedback in an oblique fashion. Prob the first time I didn't even realise it was feedback - I try to be really honest with my t about how I feel and she extrapolated from that feedback and said she really welcomes it. But I don't do it like I would in my professional life.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I've never given feedback. Never thought of it. Not sure what I'd even say

For me, it's been things like "I felt judged (or shamed) when you talked about this in that way." Or "I know giving feedback is your style, but if it's a really sensitive topic for me, then I'd like you to be a bit more gentle in it." Or (from a session early on in seeing him) "You had your arms folded the entire session last time, it made it feel like you were really closed off to me." He's generally responded well to the feedback and made adjustments, or at least we've talked about it, like why he's approaching things in a certain way with me.

[DP_2017]

Hmm then maybe I have, I have said when we used to email that some of the replies were dismissive. I told him not to text me reminders when he admitted to sending the exact message to everyone.

I just assumed those were me sharing things that I was not ok about, not really feedback. I think of feedback like 'good job!" 'you suck at this job' lol

[pachyderm]

This would be one of the most difficult things for me. Because as a child giving any feedback was interpreted by the main culprit as criticism, as an attack, and thus was unacceptable and would result in punishment.

Punishment so frightening that a lot of the time I can't even think straight about it. Can't formulate even to myself what I think about it. It is very disabling.