My therapist does this weird thing

My therapist does this thing that I think is sort of weird in a good way. He is big into focusing on our relationship and is one who believes that “the relationship is the therapy.” Initially this was weird to me and I’d notice every time he’d say the words “we” or “us” or “our relationship.” He’s comfortable outright talking about our relationship but even when we are talking about something else he frequently finds a way to tie it into our therapy relationship. For example he might take a word that I’ve used to describe a friend or family member or pet and somehow explain how that word relates to our relationship. Like the other day we were talking about my mom. I’ve been estranged from her for about 1.5 years and I mentioned how the last time I saw her I felt like she was forcing emotional intimacy and closeness on me, but it all felt fake. He somehow, weirdly but accurately, made the connection that I have also felt this way about him (although I’ve never said it) and that it might explain my struggles with coming to therapy (I always come, but it’s been a struggle to get there). He does this all the time and he does it in a way that’s seamless and natural and also pretty accurate. He has said that everything we say in therapy has meaning so occasionally I find myself worrying that something I’ve said may have a double meaning that I’m not yet aware of. For example, one time after I left our session I realized I had lightheartedly expressed frustration about how my kitten had peed on my bed and then I thought, “Oh no! I hope he’s not reading some deeper meaning into that!” So far he’s been pretty on target and I don’t necessarily want to be accidentally divulging more than I’m consciously choosing to share. Then again, maybe that’s what I want from therapy. I know it’s probably just some sort of therapist technique, but it feels like magic. Wondering if any other T’s do weird things like this?

Mine does something similar and she also talks a lot about the relationship being the therapy. Less like magic and more like training I think.

That's not weird... it's pretty standard therapy stuff.

For me it's what decent pyschoanalytical therapy is. Yr T sounds a good un - in this at least.

Ok he’s my first therapist so it was new to me.

None of my therapists have focused on the relationship like that. But it does seem to be common from what I read on here.

My T never talks about us or the relationship. Everything he has is always centered on me and my feelings or emotions.

Definitely something my therapist does on a regular basis. It does feel like magic sometimes, when he's able to uncover something that I was totally unaware of! A competent therapist is a wonderful thing.

My T has done something similar. When I asked why she does that, she said whatever happens out in the real world, will likely manifest itself in therapy and we can work on it in the room to learn how to deal with it out in the world.

Mine always refers to 'our work' or that is something we will have to think about. I think one day I retorted no that is what I have to do. Although its nice and they are trying to enable my work, ultimately it is me that has to do it so stating we have to look after my inner child, not really the real person that has absolute responsibility over that is me.

That's an interesting one to think about. My therapist usually refers to "the work you're doing," but will occasionally also refer to "our work together" or something similar. That feels right to me, personally--it's ultimately my work to do, but since I've enlisted his help, he'd better be pitching in to assist when he can.

My therapist has never talked about our relationship or how we interact with each other. I mentioned it myself a couple of times when I felt the topic was pertinent, but even then, he made no comment on it. He seems to try to keep the focus only on me, and just offers questions and occasional comments that guide me through the process of what we're doing.

Mine seemed uncomfortable talking about the relationship.

Though I was usually bringing it up when I was upset with something that happened between us.

Bringing up complaints in therapy was the quickest way to turn ‘our work together’ into ‘this is about you and your problems’.

Like others also said, many Ts do this, not weird for certain modalities at all. If you don't like it or feel it's too much, I would tell him. My Ts also exaggerated the relationship emphasis at times (to my taste), I told them, and at least one of them stopped it. The other one (psychoanalyst) did not stop but I guess that's part of his modality and if I don't like it, it's better to find a T who is not focused on that so much, as I did with my second T. They must be able to adjust to what the client needs.

I’m learning from this post that this is a normal thing for some types of therapy, but it’s relatively new to me. I actually really like it, so for now anyway, it’s weird in a good way.