[MRT6211]

I’ve been seeing my current T for about 4 months now. I came to her after my previous T, who helped me so much I can’t even express her impact on me properly in words, suddenly left for a promotion. I’ve talked about it on here a lot before, but to recap: She had said she wasn’t going anywhere time and time again when I expressed fear of abandonment, because I’ve never been able to keep a T for more than a year despite having good therapy relationships and wanting to. And then she left...
So I was determined not to connect with new T. I tried so hard to push her away, but she’s too good at what she does, and I feel a connection with her now. But it’s causing me so much unrest. I feel like she’s only there temporarily (actually I know that’s the case, I likely won’t be seeing her for more than a year, she made that clear from the beginning), so there’s no point in connecting to her/getting attached. I’m setting myself up to be hurt again, and I know it. So much of me just wants to stop being open in therapy and just keep things very superficial, but I need her too much to do that. I can hardly ever get through a week without calling her between sessions. I don’t want her, but I need her, and this internal emotional turmoil is driving me crazy and making me want to engage in unhealthy behaviors. I feel like by getting my short term needs met, I’m making long term things much more difficult. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve expressed my concerns about this to current T before, and I’ve asked how one can still benefit from therapy without the attachment forming, and I never really got an answer.
I feel so stuck and helpless. I feel upset and like I just want to hide. I honestly just fell terrified of life right now, like a vulnerable little child.

[Lemoncake]

Originally Posted by MRT6211

I’ve been seeing my current T for about 4 months now. I came to her after my previous T, who helped me so much I can’t even express her impact on me properly in words, suddenly left for a promotion. I’ve talked about it on here a lot before, but to recap: She had said she wasn’t going anywhere time and time again when I expressed fear of abandonment, because I’ve never been able to keep a T for more than a year despite having good therapy relationships and wanting to. And then she left...
So I was determined not to connect with new T. I tried so hard to push her away, but she’s too good at what she does, and I feel a connection with her now. But it’s causing me so much unrest. I feel like she’s only there temporarily (actually I know that’s the case, I likely won’t be seeing her for more than a year, she made that clear from the beginning), so there’s no point in connecting to her/getting attached. I’m setting myself up to be hurt again, and I know it. So much of me just wants to stop being open in therapy and just keep things very superficial, but I need her too much to do that. I can hardly ever get through a week without calling her between sessions. I don’t want her, but I need her, and this internal emotional turmoil is driving me crazy and making me want to engage in unhealthy behaviors. I feel like by getting my short term needs met, I’m making long term things much more difficult. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve expressed my concerns about this to current T before, and I’ve asked how one can still benefit from therapy without the attachment forming, and I never really got an answer.
I feel so stuck and helpless. I feel upset and like I just want to hide. I honestly just fell terrified of life right now, like a vulnerable little child.

I get that you've been hurt before,and it's okay to feel like a child. I think it's okay to go at your own pace right now, if you need out of session contact it just means you need that extra support during the week. Can you post her a copy of this thread?

[MRT6211]

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I get that you've been hurt before,and it's okay to feel like a child. I think it's okay to go at your own pace right now, if you need out of session contact it just means you need that extra support during the week. Can you post her a copy of this thread?

I’ve thought about it, but I have brought this up before and we didn’t get anywhere on it...I just feel like it’s a topic she wants to avoid, for whatever reason...