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Comfy Sedation
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,301
(SuperPoster!)
11 8,149 hugs
given 
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Dec 24, 2018 at 04:16 PM
#361
Red wine and sleeping pills
Help me get back to your arms Cheap sex and sad films Help me get where I belong I think you're crazy, maybe I think you're crazy, maybe Stop sending letters Letters always get burned It's not like the movies They fed us on little white lies I think you're crazy, maybe I think you're crazy, maybe I will see you in the next life __________________ 
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 Echos Myron redux, Elio, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,412
6 665 hugs
given
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Dec 24, 2018 at 04:44 PM
#362
This is too much. I can not believe this is supposed to be a helpful lesson for me. Ditching me around the holidays? Ya, super helpful.
At any rate, I truly do hope you are well and have a great holiday. I only want the best for you in life, at least one of us should be happy __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
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| Elio, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: the astral plane
Posts: 493
5 375 hugs
given |
Dec 24, 2018 at 05:45 PM
#363
I have appointments on Thursday and Friday with old and new, respectively. I doubt that either session will help.
Old because you aren't mine anymore. New because you aren't mine yet. But as I sit in the dark sobbing on Christmas Eve, I'm acutely aware that I need someone. I've been ill and isolated for days. I'm thinking of therapists past, present, and future who are spending time with loved ones, and I feel alone. I'm thinking of my friend at work who announced her pregnancy today, and I feel alone. I hoped that starting a family would be the way that I could fix this lonely feeling. Not that I wanted children to fill a void, but that was an added bonus, I guess. I look into 2019 and it is unknown. So many things are changing for me, and I'm scared. I just know that this feeling isn't pleasant. I'm trying to allow myself to be sad instead of pushing it away, in hopes that tomorrow will be a better day. |
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| chihirochild, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, skeksi, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,132
11 129 hugs
given
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Dec 24, 2018 at 06:18 PM
#364
This could have easily gone another way, had I allowed my cynicism and fear to take over. I could have existed without dealing with it, those things I didn't want to examine, or admit, or accept. I could have learned to stay asleep, unmoored from who I am and perhaps who I was really meant to be. I needed someone strong and smart to come along, someone who doesn't ******** or have a particular goal other than what I wanted. It is magnificent, this experience of working in a funny kind of partnership towards what I want without some trying to influence me, it is a kind of freedom I have never known. It is the purest kind of space for me to be as I am and as I want. Thank you a million times over, although I never will.
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| SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,413
(SuperPoster!)
10 6,432 hugs
given
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Dec 24, 2018 at 06:45 PM
#365
Thank you for calling me. I hate bothering you, but I keep to my word. I did the homework. I hope it helps. Today might be a good day. At least H isn't pissy yet. He wants to go out for a nice dinner. Oh! And thank you for telling me Merry Christmas. That actually meant a lot. Hopefully, no more crises until I see you Wednesday!
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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| LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,799
12 3,133 hugs
given
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Dec 24, 2018 at 06:54 PM
#366
Merry Christmas, R. Yes, that's right, I said 'merry'...I can hope, right?
__________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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| LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,412
6 665 hugs
given
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Dec 24, 2018 at 07:57 PM
#367
All I want for Christmas is you and my dog back.
Why does everything that makes me happy, leave me?  Merry Crummy Christmas to me
__________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
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| LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty, toomanycats
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,734
6 542 hugs
given
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Dec 24, 2018 at 08:51 PM
#368
I love you, and that scares me. I'm not sure it's OK that I love you...
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| DP_2017, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,360
7 4,865 hugs
given
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Dec 24, 2018 at 09:28 PM
#369
Are you mad at me? (It would be absurd for you to be mad at me, but sometimes you are absurd.)
Is that why you haven't emailed me back? (I only emailed you nine hours ago and it was just about scheduling and it is Christmas Eve Day and I dunno if you celebrate that or not but most normal humans have today off so it's totally reasonable for you to not have emailed me back yet. But still.) |
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| LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,073
5 70 hugs
given |
Dec 24, 2018 at 09:31 PM
#370
You emailed me on Christmas Eve. It made my heart flutter. It means you read my email - the one where I asked you for a hug. Will you give me one? I don’t think you will, but I desperately want to be wrong.
Are you saying Mass tonight? Or chilling at home? I just want Thursday to come. I can’t wait to see you. |
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| DP_2017, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
15 25 hugs
given
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Dec 24, 2018 at 10:57 PM
#371
hi t. i feel like a disgusting fatty. i wrote this in my journal, so you'll read it. i hope you have had a good christmas eve with your fam. me, not so much, but its to be expected as i am alone.
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| LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 1,009
6 2,354 hugs
given |
Dec 24, 2018 at 11:06 PM
#372
How am I supposed to get through 10 more days? I'm already ruminating and convincing myself of some pretty upsetting stuff that you would definitely disagree with. And I'll have to wait an entire week to process the visit with my father.
I know it's not abandonment this time, but it brings back those feelings again. I feel like at some point I'm gong to act out because I'm irrational and childish and needy and I'm not getting what I want. By which I mean I feel rejected and abandoned so I'll show you that I don't care about getting better anyway and I was never really trying. |
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| Anastasia~, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Dec 25, 2018 at 01:30 AM
#373
How do I explain this? I was so not prepared to find out my therapist was a sociopath!! Then, to make matters worse, I discovered several more in my life.
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| Lemoncake, SlumberKitty
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,700
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given
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Dec 25, 2018 at 03:45 AM
#374
Does seeing me make you extra careful about the way you treat your own daughter, even though she's little right now?
Quote:
p.p.s - 7/21 days done= 33.3% , only 14 to go. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." 
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| LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Member
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 379
6 62 hugs
given |
Dec 25, 2018 at 04:11 AM
#375
How do I get through this day. It's 9am here and I've tried playing with the cats and they don't even wanna know, I've cried so I've got an headache from that, and now I'm just laying and thinking myself deeper into depression. I really need to ring family etc but I can't face it so I've avoided their 'Christmas calls'
Maybe I will do some cleaning I dunno.. why a Tuesday, just to make it worse, and why are u leaving me when it's like I need you the most! |
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| Echos Myron redux, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: Somewhere in a cloud
Posts: 719
6 479 hugs
given
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Dec 25, 2018 at 05:00 AM
#376
I’m jealous of all the people who get to spend time with you today. Who you can touch, hug and be cranky with. Who you get to open presents with. Who you get to eat with and listen to music with and get tipsy with. Who you get to call family and treat them without the boundaries of a therapeutic relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we have boundaries in our relationship, it wouldn’t work otherwise. But sometimes I feel greedy, like today. Anyway, I hope you have a nice Christmas. I miss you.
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| DP_2017, Echos Myron redux, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks, winterblues17
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 2,161
6 1,834 hugs
given
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Dec 25, 2018 at 06:34 AM
#377
Happy Christmas. I love you.
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| LabRat27, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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 LonesomeTonight
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,412
6 665 hugs
given
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Dec 25, 2018 at 07:31 AM
#378
It's Christmas. I hope you have a great one with your family. I hope you haven't completely forgotten me but I have a feeling you have.
I wish I had something to look forward to involving you
__________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
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| LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, Merope, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Dec 25, 2018 at 09:08 AM
#379
I miss you L. I miss us. Damn it.
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| LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Comfy Sedation
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,301
(SuperPoster!)
11 8,149 hugs
given
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Dec 25, 2018 at 09:34 AM
#380
have a nice LIFE
__________________
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| LabRat27, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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