[Miss P]

Has anyone else's therapist ever gone out of their way, to ensure you receive the best of care? Well, yesterday was my last session, with my therapist. It was a good, mutual decision. So, anyways, I'm having some health issues. I was talking about them in session. My therapist encouraged me to go and get checked out....taking me to a+e personally (she knows I don't drive!) .... and making herself late for her next client. I'm so touched, by generosity. She even contacted me last night, to ask how it went. I had to share experience

[piggy momma]

That's amazing. How kind of her to do that!!

I don't have any experiences nearly as good as that, but I have to say that my therapist is pretty good to me overall. I'm very grateful to have him.

My therapist encouraged me to go and get checked out....taking me to a+e personally (she knows I don't drive!) .... and making herself late for her next client.

That's a perfect summary of one of the issues involved in a therapist going "above and beyond". What about her client who was left waiting? I wonder how they felt? Deprioritised, ignored, inconvenient, the list could go on. "Above and beyond" is a euphemism for crossing boundaries and when this happens it is always at someone's expense.

[NP_Complete]

Originally Posted by SorryOozit

That's a perfect summary of one of the issues involved in a therapist going "above and beyond". What about her client who was left waiting? I wonder how they felt? Deprioritised, ignored, inconvenient, the list could go on. "Above and beyond" is a euphemism for crossing boundaries and when this happens it is always at someone's expense.

I disagree. My therapist has gone above and beyond for me and it wasn't at anyone else's expense, and I don't think he would do it and I wouldn't want him to at someone else's expense. No boundaries were crossed.

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I disagree. My therapist has gone above and beyond for me and it wasn't at anyone else's expense, and I don't think he would do it and I wouldn't want him to at someone else's expense. No boundaries were crossed.

What was he going above and beyond if not the expectations of his role? By definition that is a boundary breach. I can understand that you don't consider his actions to have been at your expense, but you don't know that it wasn't at the expense of his or others. Of course, that is not your responsibility to consider, it is his and another reason why fulfilling the role and no more is important.

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by SorryOozit

That's a perfect summary of one of the issues involved in a therapist going "above and beyond". What about her client who was left waiting? I wonder how they felt? Deprioritised, ignored, inconvenient, the list could go on. "Above and beyond" is a euphemism for crossing boundaries and when this happens it is always at someone's expense.

If my therapist had to cancel or be really late because he was helping someone else out with an emergency, I'd be totally fine with it, because it probably means that if I were in a similar situation he'd help me out, too.

When you're in the helping professions, sometimes there are emergencies. I don't see any boundaries crossed here.

[NP_Complete]

Originally Posted by SorryOozit

What was he going above and beyond if not the expectations of his role? By definition that is a boundary breach. I can understand that you don't consider his actions to have been at your expense, but you don't know that it wasn't at the expense of his or others. Of course, that is not your responsibility to consider, it is his and another reason why fulfilling the role and no more is important.

He came in to see me on a Saturday, a day he doesn't normally work, because I was in a crisis. No other clients were affected. It was his decision to offer to see me and I paid him, so it wasn't at his expense. Just trying to point out that it's not always at someone else's expense when they go above and beyond.

He also came in to see me the day after my father died. He died on a Friday night and he offered to come in on the Saturday morning. Again, at no one's expense.

In my opinion, these weren't required of him, hence above and beyond. And I'm grateful. I'd probably be dead if he hadn't seen me on the first instance above.

Originally Posted by piggy momma

If my therapist had to cancel or be really late because he was helping someone else out with an emergency, I'd be totally fine with it, because it probably means that if I were in a similar situation he'd help me out, too.

When you're in the helping professions, sometimes there are emergencies. I don't see any boundaries crossed here.

You might be fine with it, but I can imagine lots of clients wouldn't be, including many who post here. There are emergency services to deal with emergencies if needed.

[Amyjay]

I would guess that going above and beyond can sit anywhere on that spectrum of boundary crossings, from being harmful to no-one to being harmful to many. I would also guess that many "going above and beyond" incidences are not at either extreme of the spectrum but fall somewhere in the middle.

I for sure know that as a client although I "understand" when the therapist is running late because of an emergency with someone else it does not lessen the harm it causes to me when I am also struggling to "hold on".

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

He came in to see me on a Saturday, a day he doesn't normally work, because I was in a crisis. No other clients were affected. It was his decision to offer to see me and I paid him, so it wasn't at his expense. Just trying to point out that it's not always at someone else's expense when they go above and beyond.

He also came in to see me the day after my father died. He died on a Friday night and he offered to come in on the Saturday morning. Again, at no one's expense.

In my opinion, these weren't required of him, hence above and beyond. And I'm grateful. I'd probably be dead if he hadn't seen me on the first instance above.

Could your therapist do these things for all his clients on a weekly basis? The reality of therapy is that clients will always have many needs, it is not the therapist's job to meet all of them. If your life depends on whether you see your therapist on a specific occasion, I think something is being mismanaged.

I will dip out now because this boundary stuff makes me angry.

[NP_Complete]

Originally Posted by SorryOozit

Could your therapist do these things for all his clients on a weekly basis? The reality of therapy is that clients will always have many needs, it is not the therapist's job to meet all of them. If your life depends on whether you see your therapist on a specific occasion, I think something is being mismanaged.

I will dip out now because this boundary stuff makes me angry.

Well, my father doesn't die on a weekly basis and I don't have a first trauma anniversary every week, and I doubt most of his clients have those things happen on a weekly basis either, so your argument is kind of spurious. My therapist hasn't breached any boundaries. I really don't need your judgement.

[Ididitmyway]

I would never do this as a therapist. Sorry, but that was a bad decision on your therapist's part.

First of all, it was not a medical emergency. You have some health issues and you got a recommendation from her to see a specific doctor, that's fine. But there was no need to do it exactly on that day and there was certainly no need for her to take you there. I understand that you don't drive, but you manage your life somehow. I assume, there had never been a need for her to give you a ride before. So why now after the last session?

And, it's completely unacceptable to do this kind of a favor to a client at the expense of another client. If that client knows the real reason why your therapist was late for that session, they have every right to be upset and angry about it.

Also, the last session should have some sense of closure. It's the time to say good bye, basically. Taking a client to some doctor's office and then calling them to ask how it went doesn't create a sense of closure IMO.

Sorry, if this feels like a cold shower. I understand your excitement and I am not blaming you for feeling how you feel. It does feel fantastic to be cared for in such a way by a therapist, so there is nothing wrong with how you feel. But your therapist should've handled the last session differently. She crossed the boundary. Not every boundary crossing is necessarily unethical, and this one was not, but it was definitely a bad judgment.

How do you know it was at the expense of another client!?
I have no idea when T sees other clients.
But I agree with sorry oozit, At the expense of another client isn't professional.
My T has in the past offered to accompany me to a Dr. But she would have done it in her own time.
I'm sure your pretty excited at the attention. But it's sad it's at another's expense.
Sounds like sibling rivalry being played out.

[SalingerEsme]

That is a lovely way for your therapist to say a healing goodbye, and to show she really cares about you.

[DP_2017]

Many times he did, I truly believed I mattered to him... but now that he's leaving, I'm re-thinking everything. I can't help but see it all as only out of pity.

[junkDNA]

yes many times...

[junkDNA]

the biggest ones for me was when he drove me 1.5 hours to a large city to sit with me during my lawsuit mediation all day. (the lawsuit against my former t)

and then flying with me to another state in NE USA for a 4 day Hearing Voices group facilitator training

I don't see this much different from the other client's perspective than a T going over session time with one client and then starting the next late. And at least what the T did was useful to OP. I would see repetitive above and beyond behavior worrisome but one time, in a crisis situation? Personally, if I were the next client and knew why the T was late, I would completely understand and would not be upset at all. If the T was late regularly, then I would be frustrated for not respecting my time.

[atisketatasket]

OP—I am glad you had a good closure session and feel at peace.

[SlumberKitty]

OP, I'm glad that your T showed care for you.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Yes, all of my therapists have done things that were, what I considered, beyond the usual call of duty. I was extremely grateful to have caring therapists willing and able to show that level of caring and attention at times of crisis. That’s what competent therapists due. I’m glad you received that kind of support when needed.

[nottrustin]

T did in many ways. Some I will not talk about because to many they would seem extremely inappropriate. We worked together a long time and had pretty lax boundaries.

One I will discuss. About 5 years ago. I was really struggling to sleep. I was exhausted one say I took a small handful of my sleep medication. Shortly after I deeply regretted it and told my husband and since he disnt know how to handle it he called T. I was awake and told her it was okay to talk to him. I explained why I did it. We have 2 hoapitals near my house. 1 I work at and 1 T use to work at. She told for confidentiality reason go to hers. Also she knew moT of the Drs there and was al to tall to them since she knew it wasn't a suicide attempt. The doctor called her twice and had pretty long conversations. The dr told me because he trusted T from working with her and she was certain I was safe he would discharge me. Plus she offered to see me that evening and he wanted that. T and I had also talked to her on the phone throughout the dsy This happened on a Saturday and it was like 8pm when I discharged. I was exhausted ( I still hadn't slept). We agreed it would be better if I went home and slept and went to her home office the next morning. When I got there I realized her boyfriend was there for the weekend so I felt horrible. But she told me I didnt need to worry about who was at her house and who wasnt.

That was really kind of your therapist. I am glad she helped you.
My therapist goes above and beyond all the time. She has a very big heart.
The latest time was last week when a dear friend of mine died. I had no one around so two nights in a row she stayed on the phone with me until I cried myself to sleep, and two other nights she called to check on me.

[Taylor27]

That was very kind of your t to do that for you, my t had gone above and beyond. Im pretty sure other clients where ok with it and it is up to your t what she does for you and other clients. This was a health concern and it was nice she took you to er. Hugs

[Anne2.0]

I work with people who need a lot of help (not as a T) and have been pretty surprised over the years how much help it takes for people to be able to use your help. People definitely need, much of the time, more help than just doing your job. I've been the recipient of "extra" help from my T's.

I think a lot of time people just use the word "boundaries" as a way of not getting involved in actually helping people. There's a big difference between boundary crossing or even breaking that harms people or takes advantage of them, such as paying your clients to do your laundry or clean your house or "investing" their money, and those that are just helpful to people, like giving them a ride or babysitting their children when it's not part of your job. When I used to mentor young professionals, I often suggested they do the "nonprofessional" helping but never the other.