[nottrustin]

I went to my appointment feeling like I was in a good place. My medication increase seems to have kicked in so feeling better and able to put my mask on. So I was torn between feeling like we could discuss some of the things we have been avoiding because of my mood instability or keeping it really light since it is so close to Christmas and I wont see her again until after the new year.

We opted to keep it very light hearted. We discussed our families and laughed at some of our children's antics. The conversation would just go wherever it happened to go with no agenda. I think she did learn some things about that woul help her in the future but that was not the intention. I felt really good for once. I felt like it helped us work on our bond which for me has been missing.

One thing did arise that I will bring up later. I asked her to stop apologizing if doesnt know something. I told her I don't expect her to remember every detail. I did bring up a couple of months ago when I was upset when she disnt know something about me but I realized it was about me not her. Somehow the conversation led to her saying that I don't seem to have problems bringing things up that are bothering md. From things she said I believe she was slso alluding to when we have a discussing and I go back to it at the next appointment. I wonder if she thinks it is because I am upset with what she said.

That is not it at all. It is more that she has said something from a very different perspective than the past. So after processing it creates more questions. Has anybody dealt with this??An I doing something wrong. One of the things we discussed is that we both are protectionists and hate making mistakes. So wondering if I should let the comment go and if the occasion arises again say something then

Left the appointment in a good place then I got home and was reading a nonfiction book I have been really enjoying. Then she brings up her CSA and abandonment and the effect it had on her even as and adult. Her story was so similar to mine it was eerie. Holy trigger....16 days to hold it together, keep my happy face on and not allow it to effect my holidays.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

It is more that she has said something from a very different perspective than the past. So after processing it creates more questions. Has anybody dealt with this??An I doing something wrong. One of the things we discussed is that we both are protectionists and hate making mistakes. So wondering if I should let the comment go and if the occasion arises again say something then

Left the appointment in a good place then I got home and was reading a nonfiction book I have been really enjoying. Then she brings up her CSA and abandonment and the effect it had on her even as and adult. Her story was so similar to mine it was eerie. Holy trigger....16 days to hold it together, keep my happy face on and not allow it to effect my holidays.

I'm not sure if this is in the neighborhood of what you are talking about, but I have definitely had that sense of having more questions as things are worked through. I wonder, in different ways, what did T mean by that? And T makes it very easy through his nondefensiveness, and his considerate thoughtfulness for my experience, to ask questions about things he's said where I am not entirely sure what they mean. And I have learned that when I'm in a session that is high on emotionality, I often hear things in distorted ways without even realizing it, then we discuss it again and somehow I feel he's in a different place about it, and I wonder about that. Sometimes it is that I am in a different place and so I hear it differently.

I have my own version of being impacted by CSA and other forms of trauma I hear about from the people I work with. My career has been a long desensitization (25 years) to triggers of abuse. But sometimes what I hear and sometimes what I read still feels like it stops my breath with its sorrow and pain. It feels like a reminder that what I went through was really difficult. It feels right, like I'm owning my memories and feelings. It will get a lot better for you.

[nottrustin]

Thank you Anne. Working in psych I hear a lot and it use to really bother me. Now I work in a different office and so it is a lot less common.

The book I am reading is about a nun that was a speaker at s conferance I attended. I think part of what was triggering was the description of how it effected her. I felt like I could have written the same things. Plus, I think it is also about how she overcame so much to be where she is. She is such as source of inspiration to so many and well I am me.