There have been times in my life I have said too much and given out personal information too freely (I think I may tend to do this when I am more on the manic side rather than depressed).

I have improved a lot in this area. My medications definitely help. However, once, my therapist's homework was to not share what went on in session with my husband. Earlier this year, she said that sharing all that we spoke of might undo some of the work we have done. I haven't been to therapy much lately but went ealier this week. During the walk with my husband later that day--he started questioning me about therapy. I started talking about one thing that was discussed then when he started with the follow up questions but mostly was just saying "Have you been working on ..."(lots of things he thinks is wrong with me) and also was saying that he bets I do not tell her what is really going on with me I said, "I have said too much about it and don't want to discuss anymore what we talked about." My husband feels it is wrong that I am secretive about my sessions and part of my "problem." I think that keeping it private is just what I need to learn to automatically do. I need to learn to "preserve" a little piece of me--if that makes sense. What do you think?

Yes I agree. But maybe. How you use boundaries matters, too.
Instead of shutting others out by saying "I don't want to tell yoy" kind of way. Maybe phrase it bit differently.
More like "oh you know. Just how my day went etc. I can't really remember it all now" type of thing. So the other person doesn't feel walled out.

Originally Posted by Jessica11

Yes I agree. But maybe. How you use boundaries matters, too.
Instead of shutting others out by saying "I don't want to tell yoy" kind of way. Maybe phrase it bit differently.
More like "oh you know. Just how my day went etc. I can't really remember it all now" type of thing. So the other person doesn't feel walled out.

Yes, thanks. I know he does it out of worry.

I have also been applying this principal to therapy. I used to think--I am supposed to share everything. Now I look at therapy as--share what you want to work on--no need to spill everything (the things I feel uncomfortable sharing). Again, I feel like I am learning that I can keep pieces of me all to myself. I think I needed to learn this lesson because, growing up, my mom wanted to know everything and would get anxious when I didn't tell her all the details in my life. For instance, if I was moody and didn't want to talk--she would be worried I was on drugs. I didn't even drink in high school. most of my friends were very "straight-laced" and studious. We talked more about great books than boys! One of my friends (I really looked up to her and she has said to me I was one of her favorite friends--great memories), was the school's valedictorian (there were two--it was a tie ).

Originally Posted by Nowinners

Yes, thanks. I know he does it out of worry.

I have also been applying this principal to therapy. I used to think--I am supposed to share everything. Now I look at therapy as--share what you want to work on--no need to spill everything (the things I feel uncomfortable sharing). Again, I feel like I am learning that I can keep pieces of me all to myself. I think I needed to learn this lesson because, growing up, my mom wanted to know everything and would get anxious when I didn't tell her all the details in my life. For instance, if I was moody and didn't want to talk--she would be worried I was on drugs. I didn't even drink in high school. most of my friends were very "straight-laced" and studious. We talked more about great books than boys! One of my friends (I really looked up to her and she has said to me I was one of her favorite friends--great memories), was the school's valedictorian (there were two--it was a tie ).

Thsts true. You can share whatever you choose to share in therapy. But I've found it works better for myself by sharing everything.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

[unaluna]

If your h wants to do therapy with you, the two of you can see a marriage counselor, or he can see his own therapist. Seeing a t is a two-way relationship, not a spectator sport, or one in which you need a coach who doesnt even attend the games!

His asking you questions may be influencing what you talk about in therapy, which is precisely his goal - further control of you. By now, you'd think they would have organized a self-help group, "Husbands of Women Who Go To Therapy To Complain About Their Husbands."

[WarmFuzzySocks]

I think you’re exactly on the right track: Keeping it private is what you are working on, to preserve a piece of yourself. It’s ok to have your own inner space that you can choose to not share with others. I even think it’s ok to say that you don’t want to discuss it to your husband especially if he’s not prone to listening to and respecting boundaries couched in less direct language.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Nowinners

During the walk with my husband later that day--he started questioning me about therapy. I started talking about one thing that was discussed then when he started with the follow up questions but mostly was just saying "Have you been working on ..."(lots of things he thinks is wrong with me) and also was saying that he bets I do not tell her what is really going on with me

This sounds both intrusive and unsupportive, bordering in insulting for claiming you are dishonest with your therapist. I wonder if he in intrusive in other ways, such as asking who you text or call (or scrolling through your phone to see for himself)? Rhetorical question, you do not need to answer this. Perhaps one reason is that he is concerned that you may speak negatively about your relationship in session.

I think I would handle an intrusive spouse in this way, "you know how we have a certain intimacy in our marriage, especially about certain things (mine would be money and sex). I would be upset if you told other people about these intimate things. Well, therapy also requires a certain intimacy between client and therapist to preserve the bond and safe space there, and I'm uncomfortable providing you with too many details. I am willing to say ___ but I'm not willing to answer questions about my therapy sessions."

That's me. My spouse was never intrusive about sessions and I was never particularly motivated to tell him much, he didn't press. I'm private about many things, but they were not about him or our relationship. It is your choice, not his, about what you want to share, but I think your instinct for more privacy is a good one.

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

bordering in insulting for claiming you are dishonest with your therapist.

He does claim I am dishonest with her all the time as in saying on many, many occasions--I am not telling her what is really going on. He does say everything I say about him is an exaggeration. Not going into more than this but your response IS appreciated.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by Nowinners

There have been times in my life I have said too much and given out personal information too freely (I think I may tend to do this when I am more on the manic side rather than depressed).

I have improved a lot in this area. My medications definitely help. However, once, my therapist's homework was to not share what went on in session with my husband. Earlier this year, she said that sharing all that we spoke of might undo some of the work we have done. I haven't been to therapy much lately but went ealier this week. During the walk with my husband later that day--he started questioning me about therapy. I started talking about one thing that was discussed then when he started with the follow up questions but mostly was just saying "Have you been working on ..."(lots of things he thinks is wrong with me) and also was saying that he bets I do not tell her what is really going on with me I said, "I have said too much about it and don't want to discuss anymore what we talked about." My husband feels it is wrong that I am secretive about my sessions and part of my "problem." I think that keeping it private is just what I need to learn to automatically do. I need to learn to "preserve" a little piece of me--if that makes sense. What do you think?

I talk about this with my T , and he helps me think about the difference between what is private, what is secret, and what is interpersonal.

Your H sounds invalidating when he say he bets you don't tell what is really going on with you. That would hurt my feelings, and not encourage trust and sharing with him in that moment. You might feel completely differently? There's a lot of judgment coming at you on that walk.