Should I Report My Former T?

I’m sorry if I’m over posting these days, but I’m looking for honest opinions/feedback. My ex T did a lot of things, including (but not limited to) not listening when I told her I was suicidal. This is a small thing in comparison to everything else, but one of the more tangible actions. For those who know my story, do you think I’d have a case against ex T if I were to report her?

From everything I've read, no I don't think you should report your T. I don't think you have a case.

Haven't you already posted a thread about this?

Unless you have tangible evidence that shows she was neglectful, you can't really do anything. And just because she didn't react to you being suicidal, doesn't mean she was neglectful. Maybe she didn't react over an email, but did in session? How would you disprove that?

If you are set on reporting her, are you doing it for the right reasons? Are you prepared to go through the process? Are you prepared for an answer that might not be validating?

I reported my T. Everyone said she was unethical and abandoned me. But the board didn't agree. And now that I know why she did abandon me, I can see why the board ruled that way. You know why your T terminated with you. I think you're just looking for revenge or validation, but personally, I don't think you're going about it the right way. You keep wanting to point fingers at your T instead of processing what you did.

That’s actually not true, Scarlett. I have been processing what I did. I feel a lot of shame for driving by ex T’s house and have been talking a lot about it with my current T. At the same time, I don’t beleive it’s right to let ex T off the hook for her part in it. Please don’t make assumptions - I’m not pointing fingers. I am simply asking if I should hold ex T responsible for her part in it. That does not mean I am denying my responsibility.

I feel like I am missing something here, maybe details? What are the ethical guidelines for therapists?

I apologize for making assumptions. I was just stating an opinion based on what I have read. If I'm wrong, I apologize.

Do you actually have tangible evidence against your T?

Perhaps you may find it helpful to look up the Code of Conduct for your specific area, identify the actual breaches with facts, compose the letter stating which section was violated, when, and how. You don't have to send the letter to anyone, but knowing the code will make a huge difference.

This will help you process your experience, and know whether you may have a case against her or not. It will also help the Board assess the situation and determine next steps.

Personally I say no, but I'm also not generally a fan of reporting therapists.

That being said, others have pointed out, you need evidence to have a case. Online there's alot of info on this stuff and it says many things get reported but very few are investigated because there is no case.

It's also a long and tideous process from what I read.

In the end, the choice is yours

I wouldn't.

What does you current T recommend? Since she knows the history better than any one else, the regulations, and if I remember correctly spoken to your ex-T, I think aske would have some valuable insight.

If you feel reporting your t will help you heal, then absolutely do it. I decided to write my report on ex-t and then make the decision whether or not to file once completed. Writing the report helped me to process a lot of things and better see the truth. I did file the report and have an open investigation. No matter the outcome, this process has been very healing for me. Do what is in your best interests.

No one here can tell you what to do for many reasons, two big ones being: (a) most of us aren't therapists and know the code of conduct for the association, licensing or any state-specific requirements inside and out and (b) we don't know your story and the relationship with your ex-therapist intimately and so, to offer any kind of advice or guidance, would be incredibly myopic and likely a disservice to you.

If you want my honest opinion with how little I know about you, your ex-therapist and your relationship, I would say that you shouldn't. You really crossed a line doing what you did and whether you agree with it or not, it sounds like she had a right to terminate. That's not to say what she did was ethical or what a lot of therapists would do, but there's a big difference between what's frowned upon in the profession and against the rules/law. And on top of it too, if you're wrong but go forward with it anyway, that's going to cause a lot of problems for her and likely be part of her record for life, whether she's deemed guilty of anything — and even if she is, it doesn't change that you can't work with her.

I guess my answer would be what do you want to get out of it? What is your motivation for reporting? What does your current T say? I know that may not be helpful, but it may help you make a decision. Ultimately the decision is yours whether or not to report. Once you do, if you do, it's out of your hands. I can say that I doubt you would be able to reconcile with this T ever in the future if you report. So if that is something you think is possible, I would suggest really thinking about it. HUGS. Kit.

No, I don't think you have a case against your former T that is likely to be successful. I considered filing a case against my former T but decided against it. But the motivation to do that -- the most important thing for me has been to accept and deal with my revenge motivation, which had been basically dissociated until activated by her termination because "she did not have the emotional resources" to continue.

Revenge is often/generally viewed socially as unacceptable -- and yet we have it. Most people have it. It probably served a "good" purpose for our primate ancestors, before there was language. And it still serves a purpose, I think, as a kind of biological basis for the concept of justice.

My revenge motive, and some aggression generally, had gotten cut off. It just wasn't "OK" in my family and I wasn't OK to them when I was like that, when I was feeling those things. So -- off they went, into their own compartments. At least that's how it feels.

They are now a part of me -- a lot more, if not completely. And I can consider the impulses and actions "they" "suggest" and know those feelings are valid. I accept and believe that those feelings are based on what happened in reality and serve a useful function. Those feelings clue me in about some stuff I used to be unaware of, and I am better off "having" them, even though it's often not a good idea based on other goals that I have to act on them in the way that they immediately suggest.

While what she did was obviously painful for you, I do not feel this is a reportable offense

This is nonsensical. Reporting therapists who behave unethically or abusively is no different than reporting any other person who behaves exploitatively. You might think that an individual therapist has not behaved unprofessionally or harmfully, but that is quite different from the sweeping apologism you state here.


The therapist is merely the profession, it is the behaviour which is abusive and reportable. Protecting professions in this numbskull fashion is what enables systemic and institutional abuse to continue. Have a word with yourself.

I am not looking for revenge and I know for a fact she will never talk to me again if I report her, so I would not report her for that reason. I had a long conversation with my T about it. I know it’s not for revenge because I actually would feel TERRIBLE reporting her. The main reason I do not want to report her is because I don’t want to hurt her.

At the same time, she was unclear about the boundaries from the beginning. At first, she told me she would think about being friends after therapy ended. She told me she loved me, she hung out in my dorm room, other providers talked me out of switching to a different therapist when I wanted to and was hurt by her (saying ex T was the best at the clinic). In the beginning, m dietician said that ex T loved me and when I asked her if it was more than ex T’s other clients she said yes (I don’t think she had any idea what she was saying). Ex T would pass me notes with hearts during groups. She did this all knowing my history with my previous therapist before her and yet, she still treated me special. When she saw I was taking it “wrong” she dramatically stopped everything (except the I love yous). I told her numerous times during group that I was suicidal but she never checked in with me.

I am feeling a bit judged by people on this forum. I feel like people think I just want to report her because she terminated me suddenly and I’m looking for revenge because of it. I already feel awful about crossing her boundary. I understand what I did was wrong. But can she take responsibility for her part too?

Funny how you expect people to be non judgmental but you jump right into judgment.

I'm allowed my views even if you don't like them

I also never said that I never support. General means overall but there's exceptions

Exactly! Driving past your therapists house is not a crime. If anything, it is more of a cry for help. Your therapist dumped you instead of trying to help you. Again, I say just write out what happened, as if you are writing a report. It really helps put the situation into perspective. Then YOU decide if you want to file it or not.

justbreathe, I too wonder what you would get out of reporting her?

My concern is really not around who did what or who is right or wrong, but more what is healthy for you. You've asked about reporting her a couple times before, and I find myself wondering if it is partly, unconsciously, understandably, about clinging to whatever shreds of connection to your ex-t that might be left for you when it may be better to let those go so that you can begin to genuinely heal. (Ugh. I am struggling to word this idea succinctly and still convey my intent, which is compassion and kindness for how painful this has been for you.)

I suspected your T had a role in this. I don't believe behaviors conveying you are 'special' client would likely hold up to clinical standards.

I get what you are saying. You were held accountable and have to deal with the consequences, but she could just go on with her life and not be affected (though perhaps she is in some way) as she was not held accountable.

I gemerally support reporting Ts because there is a lot unnecessary, preventable harm going on... and this is one of the few means to change things. I share others' concerns about how it might affect you or any reporter.

Interested in what others think to be the 'right reasons', or correct motivations to report a T? I think it makes sense to explore those reasons, but am curious about this.