What helps you survive without your T?

seeker33 · Dec 29, 2018, 05:20 PM

Due to changed situation I can't continue my therapy at the moment. I'll return when things in my life get to normal which I really hope will be in the spring.
Meanwhile I miss my T so much! It feels like swimming under water and I have no idea how long will I manage.

What helps you survive similar situation? I probably know the answer - distract and enjoy hobbies etc... But this really, really sucks

Spangle · Dec 29, 2018, 05:55 PM

My t gave me a transitional object, namely a stone. When I feel I want to get close to him or connect in some way, I hold my stone. It’s very powerful for me & has helped me in lots of different situations. I get him periodically to hold it during session, to ‘re charge’ it for me.

Taylor27 · Dec 29, 2018, 06:38 PM

PC helps me know im not alone. I have a six year old black lab dog she really helps me by getting out for walks. I have a very closed support group on facebook we are all local and it helps to share and we have become friends through our struggles in life. The thing that helps me to get by is knowing im not alone and i turn to online support mostly. I know it's not for everybody to find support online. I have a hard time making friends always have so since i was a teen online has been a safe haven for me especially pc. Im following this thread. Hugs

DP_2017 · Dec 29, 2018, 06:39 PM

I'm still trying to figure it out.

Mopey · Dec 29, 2018, 07:26 PM

Hi Seeker.

I think what really helps me survive without my therapist is that I went the full distance with her. That is to say, when I started with her I was in such bad shape that I had to see her twice a week. After awhile I was able to go to once a week. Finally I was able to taper off to just maintenance of once every 2 months, then finally (and rather tearfully I must say) I did a termination appt with her with the understanding that I could contact her any time I felt a situation made it necessary. This all took place over a period of about 11 years.

Any time during the time I was active with her, if she was gone and I was desperate enough, she would provide the name of a substitute I could see.

Meanwhile of course you always have us on the forum.

piggy momma · Dec 29, 2018, 07:46 PM

My T leaves for three and a half months every summer, and that is painful. I spend hours upon hours googling him, and for some reason that helps me.

stopdog · Dec 29, 2018, 08:31 PM

The knowledge that you survived before you met the therapist?

Salmon77 · Dec 29, 2018, 08:32 PM

I've only had short breaks from therapy (I think the longest was a month) but the things that help me are:
- journaling
- regular exercise & getting outdoors
- making sure I plan social contact
- thinking about other kinds of self care—cleaning, food choices, etc.

Rive1976 · Dec 29, 2018, 09:14 PM

I havent told my T about my transference issues so I just try not to think about therapy. She goes on vaca alot in the summer so its hard.

RaineD · Dec 30, 2018, 12:28 AM

Good question. I keep a part of him with me always so in a sense I am never without him.

Also, what stopdog said. I know I survived before I ever met him so there's that also.

But I do try to keep him in my heart.

nottrustin · Dec 30, 2018, 09:06 AM

Knowing I dont have a choice, reminding myself that she did care, writing emails that will never get sent.

For short termbreaks, knowing that I can white knuckle it till my next appointment. I sometimes find myself angry that I allowed myself to need them. That anger takes over the other emotions I am dealing with. Then at my next appointment my anger goes easy and back to how it was for

ChickenNoodleSoup · Dec 30, 2018, 09:07 AM

A transitional object of some sort sounds like a good idea, as do all the other things that others have said so far.
I sometimes look at my Ts picture or other things I have that remind me of him. I also have detailed session notes going back 1.5 years, so when I feel really down I usually read some of those. I have written down his exact wording a lot of the time and I can hear him say those things again, which comforts me.

Other than that, yes, distraction, such as sports, gaming, reading, meditation, cooking, talking on here...

Also, in case your T is still working and you just can't make it to sessions, maybe a phone call from time to time would help? Maybe not every week and it wouldn't be like real sessions, but it would be a way to connect sometimes.

Anne2.0 · Dec 30, 2018, 09:16 AM

I was focused on a work project this week, and lost track of time. "Woke up" and looked at the clock and realized it was halfway into my session, with little chance of getting there before my session was over. I felt a stab of regret, first for my T, and then for me. I've coasted along the singed edges of the sadness of missing him.

At some point my emotional life transformed, slowly, into a place where I'm more comfortable with experiencing negative emotions and where they are not so overwhelming. During the times when I needed him, I talked to T on the phone, sometimes every day, sometimes through his vacation or during holiday times, sometimes for many days in a row. A short phone call (I doubt if any of them lasted more than 15 minutes) was enough to get me settled and back on course. T was always willing to do this and I think the protracted contact had the positive effect of me needing it less.

winterblues17 · Dec 30, 2018, 10:19 AM

I'm not even sure I know how to right now. It seems so hard, but I suppose I just need to convince myself that in truth it wasn't as special as I thought and she didn't care half as much as I saw her to. Hurts like hell though cos throughout my time there I felt cared about supported and safe, and that kept me going, so now I'm just lost!

nottrustin · Dec 30, 2018, 03:58 PM

Somedays it is one moment at a time. I just take a deep breath and pray for the strength to get through the next moment, next hour, and next day.

feileacan · Dec 31, 2018, 07:51 AM

Somehow, I have reached a place where I don't "survive" without my T. Rather, it feels nice to have the whole day for myself and not to have to wake up super early to get to my session. We have a 1.5 week break this time, translating into 6 sessions and honestly, I haven't missed him a single day.

But I still remember the same time some years ago when I set a day countdown in my phone to count the days until the first session after the holidays and how it was torturous. I had so little space in my mind by myself then and I desperately needed my T to hold the space for me.

It seems that I do have my own space now that does not collapse during holidays. It marks the work we have done over the years and it's a great feeling. I honestly hope and wish that everyone in this forum one day reaches their own version of something similar.

Merope · Dec 31, 2018, 08:02 AM

I journal after every session...sometimes, when he's on leave for a long time, I read over our sessions. He's given me a few hand written notes which I use as transitional objects. I also found a really good photo of him on the internet which helps me feel closer to him. I also have a playlist that reminds me of therapy and him.

I also count the days and tell myself that I'm getting closer and closer to seeing him again.

coolibrarian · Dec 31, 2018, 11:49 AM

I haven't had a session with my T since November 7th, 2018. Most of you know that she is out on medical leave. We had some text exchanges, and then she decided that texting was making me too anxious, so she took it away without even discussing it with me. That hurt a lot. I've had a mixture of hurt feelings, loss, anger, annoyance, depression, and indifference; my "Dear T" letter is now eight pages long. I won't send it to her, but I will read parts of it. Today (Monday) is the day she usually updates her outgoing voicemail message, but I haven't called her, yet. I'm not sure how I'm hanging on.

nottrustin · Dec 31, 2018, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

I haven't had a session with my T since November 7th, 2018. Most of you know that she is out on medical leave. We had some text exchanges, and then she decided that texting was making me too anxious, so she took it away without even discussing it with me. That hurt a lot. I've had a mixture of hurt feelings, loss, anger, annoyance, depression, and indifference; my "Dear T" letter is now eight pages long. I won't send it to her, but I will read parts of it. Today (Monday) is the day she usually updates her outgoing voicemail message, but I haven't called her, yet. I'm not sure how I'm hanging on.

Glad to see you posted. Was a little concerned!!