[Jam777]

I've been seeing a psychotherapist for a long time but any effect that it's having is minimal and happening at a glacial kind of speed. I go with the hope that I will one day be able to interact socially without the anxiety making it unbearable, and maybe having a sense of purpose and enjoying life would be nice too. I keep going because it has had some effect (like reducing certain fears to a manageable level), but even after all this time I don't feel comfortable with her or completely trust her. As far as people go I do - I don't feel totally comfortable with or trust anyone. But it means I can't/won't be that open with her. She's also very measured in how she responds to things I say, and I feel like I should be like that too, which seems unhelpful, but I wonder if someone more emotionally expressive might make me nervous... One thing I like about this one is her response is predictable, but on the other hand I don't know what she's really thinking.

Also, her style of therapy is very vague. There aren't really concrete goals or actions to take. We just talk. But I don't know what to talk about, so we talk about that and go around in pointless circles. I don't know if it's me or the therapy that isn't working.

Is there any point trying to find someone else or something else?

[koru_kiwi]

i can imagine that it must feel quite frustrating to feel that you are not making much progress and that many of your sessions tend to 'go around in pointless circles'. i understand how the lack of trust and a sense of safety can hinder this as well. i also struggled in this regard with my T when i was in therapy...the trust with him was always very delicate and it could waver easily if something upset the balance and because of this, it always took more time to try to restore it if it was lost.

have you been able to have this discusion with your T and tell her the things that you have stated here? that might be a good place to start before going and seeking someone or something else, especially since you have been working with her for long time. also, do you know what her main modality of therapy is or what she has training in?

[stopdog]

I never found it to work and it was only useful to me as a place to talk about grief. And that really only required them to sit there and shut up.

How long? You say a long time?

[Jam777]

Thanks for replying.

I know she's a psychotherapist, but I don't know what her main modality is. I've talked to her about both not trusting anyone much, including her, and also about going around in circles and how her process is vague and how it's hard to see what (if anything) I'm getting out of it. That I can remember right now, she doesn't say much about it except to discuss what I think and feel.

I keep going because I know I was making some progress with anxiety about specific things which went from bad enough to seek her help to not even thinking about them every day. There have been some other things I've gained from it as well, but I'm realising that I feel far more anxious about social interaction than I used to, and talking in circles about anxiety and other feelings I don't like, without getting to anything like a solution, just makes those feelings worse and reinforces the thought that they're insurmountable barriers to actual living. I suppose I've started feeling that the last year or so hasn't been helpful.

I've been going for years - 5 or 6?

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

How long have you been going? A year, more, less? Some issues can take many years to resolve. I've been in therapy for two years and only recently started to see any kind of change at all. And I think it will take some more years before I feel completely fine.

I think the first thing you can always do in such situations is go and talk to your T. You can tell her things such as that you don't feel completely comfortable, that you think her way of responding is sometimes unhelfpul, that there aren'y concrete goals and so on.

See what your T says to all that. Maybe you guys can come up with some goals and she can also explain why she is reacting the way she is to what you say. That can already help sometimes.

If after that you don't see a change in your therapy, if you still feel like doing therapy, maybe searching for somebody different is a good idea. There's different types of therapy out there, some more helpful for certain issues than others.

[Myrto]

I also never found therapy to "work" except as a place to vent and/or say some stuff out loud. Therapists never seem to be able to explain what "working" means and what they actually do. It's all vague and elusive because imo they don't do anything. Or rather they don't do anything special. I could simply vent to a bartender or to my hairdresser, it would accomplish the same thing. I'd say trust your guts: if therapy doesn't seem effective then it isn't. You are, after all, paying for a service.

Originally Posted by Jam777

Thanks for replying.

I know she's a psychotherapist, but I don't know what her main modality is. I've talked to her about both not trusting anyone much, including her, and also about going around in circles and how her process is vague and how it's hard to see what (if anything) I'm getting out of it. That I can remember right now, she doesn't say much about it except to discuss what I think and feel.

I keep going because I know I was making some progress with anxiety about specific things which went from bad enough to seek her help to not even thinking about them every day. There have been some other things I've gained from it as well, but I'm realising that I feel far more anxious about social interaction than I used to, and talking in circles about anxiety and other feelings I don't like, without getting to anything like a solution, just makes those feelings worse and reinforces the thought that they're insurmountable barriers to actual living. I suppose I've started feeling that the last year or so hasn't been helpful.

I've been going for years - 5 or 6?

I'd have thought after thst length of time. You'd have your own answer.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Jam777

Also, her style of therapy is very vague. There aren't really concrete goals or actions to take. We just talk. But I don't know what to talk about, so we talk about that and go around in pointless circles.

This describes every therapist I have tried or worked with (10-12). None of them had any real process or method. I pressed one guy to articulate how the process would go. He could not do it. When I pressed again, he said we should not work together. LOL.

Most of the ones I saw were frauds, pretending to orchestrate some formal process and making a big fuss about forms, payment, rules, legality, scheduling, and such. But when it came to the actual therapy, there wasn't much meat on them bones. Mostly aimless talking.

If anxiety is the main issue, can go at it from different angles. Environmental or biological probs can undermine social interaction.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by Jam777

I'm realising that I feel far more anxious about social interaction than I used to, and talking in circles about anxiety and other feelings I don't like, without getting to anything like a solution, just makes those feelings worse and reinforces the thought that they're insurmountable barriers to actual living. I suppose I've started feeling that the last year or so hasn't been helpful.

I've been going for years - 5 or 6?

have you considered taking a break from therapy and see how you get on without it??? especially, if you are not feeling that the last year has been helpful at all.