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Default May 04, 2022 at 11:24 AM
  #941
Therapy was just useless today. She moved my appointment up 15 minutes yet was still late. She offered me an afternoon spot but I'm not sure how that would be any different regarding her being late. Anyways I told her no and she just basically said she was always going to be late but that she'd make the time up. She set a timer and at one point looked at the time. I don't know. I found that kinda rude. I mean she had the alarm set. I told her about my procedure today. She was understanding and offered some resssurance. But when I said they were going to take a pint of blood she said "a pint of blood?! You're gonna pass out! My mom said that was unecessary and it seems like she needs some training on how not to scare her clients. We talked about the procedure for a bit then we talked about cooling sheets a lot since my sleep has been so bad because I've been getting overheated at night. I just didn't really find the session productive because I was moody and tired and I feel like my issues are not mental health related at the moment so she's a bit not really helpful right now.

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Default May 04, 2022 at 01:16 PM
  #942
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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
Therapy was just useless today. She moved my appointment up 15 minutes yet was still late. She offered me an afternoon spot but I'm not sure how that would be any different regarding her being late. Anyways I told her no and she just basically said she was always going to be late but that she'd make the time up. She set a timer and at one point looked at the time. I don't know. I found that kinda rude. I mean she had the alarm set. I told her about my procedure today. She was understanding and offered some resssurance. But when I said they were going to take a pint of blood she said "a pint of blood?! You're gonna pass out! My mom said that was unecessary and it seems like she needs some training on how not to scare her clients. We talked about the procedure for a bit then we talked about cooling sheets a lot since my sleep has been so bad because I've been getting overheated at night. I just didn't really find the session productive because I was moody and tired and I feel like my issues are not mental health related at the moment so she's a bit not really helpful right now.

I know people don't generally reply to these, but I thought a pint was what they took when people donated blood? So it seems like a reasonable amount to take that most people could tolerate. Weird that she'd react the way she did--and definitely not helpful to you! Hope the procedure goes well.
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Default May 04, 2022 at 01:48 PM
  #943
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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
I know people don't generally reply to these, but I thought a pint was what they took when people donated blood? So it seems like a reasonable amount to take that most people could tolerate. Weird that she'd react the way she did--and definitely not helpful to you! Hope the procedure goes well.
Yeah thats what they take. My mom said "she must not have ever donated blood before." The procedure went fine.

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Default May 05, 2022 at 09:44 AM
  #944
Today was really hard. I woke up very early with anxiety levels that were the same as when we were working virtually. The first thing I did when R arrived was apologise.
She asked what I was apologising for, and it turned out that she hadn't received my email.

I'd spent a week stewing for nothing, but she apologised as soon as I explained the trigger.

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Default May 06, 2022 at 11:38 PM
  #945
Today, L and I talked about death and suicide. It was so freeing and healing being able to be open about such topics. I cried the whole session. But it really was beautiful. And I feel so much relief now. Like a burden and heaviness has been lifted.

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Default May 07, 2022 at 02:08 PM
  #946
Dr. T yesterday. He was wearing a gray plaid button-down shirt, untucked, with blue jeans and tennis shoes (seems to be his basic uniform since returning in person, aside from a hoodie and shorts one session). We made some small talk about the cold, rainy weather.

Then I said I kept meaning to ask him something, but was sort of afraid to, not knowing what his answer would be. He looked a bit anxious. Me: "So, I know you wouldn't do this now, but do you ever see yourself letting me sit in my old spot on the couch [closer to his chair] or allowing handshakes again?" Dr. T: "Ever, like in the rest of my career?" Me: "Yes, I figured if I went for 'ever', there was a better chance you wouldn't say no."

He said he was concerned about rising Covid case numbers in our area right now. But that he hoped there would eventually be a time that we wouldn't be concerned about that, when I could just sit wherever I wanted. With the handshake, he said he had to shake someone's (not a client) hand yesterday and felt weird until he could use his "hand goop."

I said I understood he wouldn't want to start handshakes now, but I was a little afraid that he'd decided he didn't want to have to touch clients anymore, so he could just stop (he's admittedly "not a touchy-feely person," but then neither am I really). He said no, he wasn't thinking that. Me: "I mean, I was thinking I could offer to put on my mask and sanitize my hands first." Dr. T: "Wow, this must really mean a lot to you if you're willing to do all that."

Me: "Well, now I feel sort of weird about it. Like I'm afraid if it means something to me, that you won't be willing to do it anymore." Dr. T: "Can you explain what it means to you? Is it a ritual thing?" Me: "Uh, partly ritual, I guess?...And if it was a difficult session, the handshake can feel sort of grounding, in a way. Or if I shared something that I'm ashamed about, then...it's like, OK, a human is still willing to touch me, like I'm not too disgusting for that. And I know we don't do this anymore, but back when I'd give you my credit card at the end, it was nice to have a more personal connection after a business transaction. Does that explain it better?" Dr. T: "Yes, it does." Me: "It's not too weird?" Dr. T: "No, I just wanted to understand." Me: "Good."

I forget how I got here--I guess the human contact thing? I said I knew he didn't hug clients, but that if there was a session where I would have wanted a hug, it would have been Wednesday of the previous week, when I was really upset about D's assessment report. I said I had thought about saying the next session how I'd wished I could have had a hug the previous session but knew it wasn't possible (even outside of Covid concerns). But I was afraid of how he'd react. Dr. T: "I think that could have led to a good discussion between us, if you'd shared that." Me: "OK, I guess I should have just mentioned it. I was just afraid just you'd say something like, 'You know I don't give hugs,' and then I'd feel shamed for bringing it up." Dr. T: "No. Now if you had actually asked me for a hug, that might have led to a conflict between us." Me: "Oh. OK. I wouldn't have done that though." Dr. T: "I know."

(I realized after session that I should have clarified what he meant there, and I might do that next week. Did he mean he'd be bothered because I asked for something I knew he wouldn't be willing to give? And that would be the conflict? Or did he mean that his saying "no" would have led to me being upset, and that would be the reason for the conflict? Or something else?)

I said I had this thought that if he had allowed a hug, he'd have been like, "Hang on a second," then turned and put on a full gas mask. Dr. T: "Then I'd have grabbed my arm extensions." Me: "Ha, I was just about to say you were going to grab some sticks to hold."

He pointed to a small stuffed animal one the table at the end of the couch: "Blue bear is open for hugs. See, he has his arms stretched open and everything. I've had clients hug him." Me: "Really, they've actually hugged him?" Dr. T: "Yes, some have, if they want a hug. Didn't you have some sort of stuffed animal transitional object from ex-MC?" Me: "Yes, but it's not like he gave it to me, it was one of D's discarded stuffed animals." Dr. T: "Ah."

We shifted to talking about my D. Quick background that she's already diagnosed as autistic and ADHD, but they recently did some additional assessments at her school and have concluded that she also has an intellectual disability. Which is something I'm having difficulty dealing with/accepting.

I said I was trying to think about it in another way. And I shared a thought I had that I was afraid was going to seem really awful (to the point that I feel uncomfortable sharing it here). But Dr. T understood what I meant. We talked a bit more about the value we (me and Dr. T, plus society as a whole) place on intellect, which we'd also discussed in a recent session. He said how my intelligence was and likely still is a big part of my identity. And for him, he wasn't the smartest guy in his school, but he knew that he was intelligent, which was important to him. But that intelligence in that sense isn't everything.

I mentioned how I just hoped D could still get a high school diploma. Dr. T: "Why is it important for her to get a diploma? What does she need it for?" Me: "...I...I don't know? That's a good question, actually. I mean, I guess society suggests it's needed to be successful, but then what is success for her? Does she really need that to have a fulfilling life?" He said I need to try to think about what a fulfilling life would mean to her vs. to me.

Dr. T: "Can I tell you a story that might help? It won't take that long." Me: "Sure." Dr. T: "I might get emotional." Me: "That's OK."

He talked about a family friend (who he'd mentioned in a recent session) who had a son who already had severe ADHD and I think a learning disability, who as a teen was then in a car accident and got a traumatic brain injury, which affected his mental capabilities. Dr. T (his voice cracking and getting higher) said how the mother was telling the son a couple years later various things she hoped he could achieve in life. And the son replied, "But what if I don't want those things?"

His voice getting even higher, Dr. T said, "He was basically saying to her, 'If I can't do those things, will you still love me?'" Me: "Oh wow." Dr. T wiped his eyes and said, "I'm sorry" (referring to the tears). Me: "It's OK, I'm emotional in here all the time." Dr. T: "But I'm not."

I thanked him for sharing and said how I knew I needed to work on thinking about D differently. He said something about grieving. I said it was something I needed to work through in there more, that it would take time. He agreed, saying it wasn't a quick thing.

I said I knew we had to stop (we were a little over). Confirmed the time for Monday. I gathered my stuff, and he stood up and opened the door. Dr. T: "Stay dry." Me (gesturing to the window): "Yeah, I don't think I'm going to accomplish that!" Dr. T: "Have a good weekend." Me: "You too."
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Default May 11, 2022 at 11:33 AM
  #947
Therapy went pretty good today. It was pretty productive. I told her about my recent health issues and what had been going on. I told her that I came to realize that some things I probably was never going to be totally 100% ok with and that I was just going to have to learn to accept that I wouldnt be totally fine with them. I told her I was talking about my transference T. She told me its good that I realized that some things you just arent going to be totally over but learning to accept that is important. We talked about my sleep and how the stuff she told me to get last week has gotten me back on a normal schedule. Then we talked about food and dieting a lot. We talked about restricting vs just not being hungry and sensory related food. She wants to challenge me to make a smoothie this week and she gave me a recipe. At the end of the session my voice gave out and she had to ask me to repeat myself. I did and then I told her my voice gave out because of the nodule on my thyroid. That freaked her out a bit and she said "wow thats scary I hope you can get some answers". So it was a standard but productive therapy session and she was on time and ended on time for once. I still don't totally get what she is doing for me. She does have some good suggestions but I find her diet advice ironic, and its hard to tell if I'm making progress because of our sessions or because of the medical issues I'm taking care of.

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Default May 12, 2022 at 11:42 AM
  #948
Today's session ended up being less focused than I might have liked. I began by telling R about the article I pitched that got rejected. She seemed to appreciate what a wrench it was to have my work rejected by the website Steve wrote for.

We briefly discussed my concerns over working with young people and writing about mental health.

'Have you considered that it might have a positive impact?'

'Not until a couple of seconds ago!'

'It might enrich your relationship with the young people if you show a little bit of Emotional Lost. I've read some of your work and you are always very professional.'

'I'm good at not wearing my heart on my sleeve, but that's why I haven't written publicly about what is going on for me now.'

Much as I wanted to read the writing prompt response out loud, I bottled it. I managed to explain about the process.

'It's not homework, so I don't have to do it, but this month's prompt was "What is the alternative to a happy ending?"

'Do you need me?'

I tried to explain that I was having a hard time with it.

'If you need me to, I can take over, or we can just be patient with you.'

I passed her the piece of paper.

'Should I read it out loud, or to myself?'

‘To yourself, please.’ I glanced at R as she read, but couldn’t get a sense of how it landed. She said that she picked up on the sense of pain and confusion.

‘You’ve written here that you don’t know what the alternative to a happy ending is, but you feel as though you are living the alternative.’

‘I’ve been thinking lately about the work I did with P, specifically about how we could talk around the emotions, but actually bringing the feelings into the space seemed to be forbidden.’

‘That was the message you got from her?’

‘That was the implicit expectation.’

‘The complete opposite of what I’m trying to do – let’s feel.’


‘When I tried to bring anger into the room, and mentioned that it was beyond words, P began to talk about outrage. Her analogy was about somebody hitting your car, and the sense that after that, you don’t really have words.’

‘I’m struggling to follow.’

‘I did too, but it was better than her analogy about animals and dealing with trauma.’


Over the course of the rest of our conversation, we established that ‘outrage’ feels safer for me than calling it anger, because outrage doesn’t impact anybody else.

In short, I’ve tried to press the mute button on my anger…and I’m really not sure how long that is going to work.

I reached for the letter, and twice picked up the wrong piece of paper.

‘Does that represent the anger?’

‘Yes.’


Rather than read it again, because we had limited time, I found myself saying ‘I don’t want to be OK with this.’

‘You don’t want to be OK with this?’ R went on to say that it sounds to her as though I’m in a stuck place. I cannot deny that.

‘As you were talking, I was imagining something. You have so many feelings…’

‘Are we talking about a mind map?’


‘You’re more creative than I am in a way, but maybe there is a way of representing the feelings, getting them out so that you can define how you are feeling, and how you want to feel.’

‘David’s latest series is on rest. I’ve had one Sunday so far, and other than his remarks on nostalgia, which blew my mind regarding my April experience…’


‘David Whyte does that to you, doesn’t he?’

‘Absolutely. One of the questions he inserted into Sunday seems relevant here. Can you rest into who you’ve lost?’

‘Oh, wow.’

If I accept Steve’s identity as a cornerstone support person in my life, I have to learn to live with that kind of loss. I can feel something brewing art-wise, but I don’t know what just yet.


‘What I can hear you saying is that you don’t want to accept this. Maybe there is some work that we can do, so that you can move towards accepting that this has happened, and work towards remembering Steve in the way that you want. The good memories are still there.’


R said that she was aware of the time, and didn’t want to leave me somewhere deep, so did I want to do some breathing. We did some breathing around connecting back to my body, and moving out of the mind.

When I opened my eyes, R asked whether I was OK to leave it there, and if I had anything planned for the rest of the day.

‘Tomorrow is a big day for me…it’s my birthday, and also the anniversary of the day you surprised me with your copy of the book.’

‘Happy birthday for tomorrow! You gifted me with the poem, I bought the book myself, but it remains the most sacred gift I have ever received from a client, and will remain so.’

When we said goodbye, she urged me to spend the rest of the day ‘washing all that off, so you can enjoy your day tomorrow.’


I feel blessed to have a therapist who shows me that she cares deeply.

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Default May 18, 2022 at 12:31 PM
  #949
Therapy went ok. I went in there at a 10 according to her. I was all worked up over my health issues and she was being dissmissive about it so I was a bit argumentaitvive. Her office was freezing so I used a pillow to cover my arms. But it ended up being a pretty deep session. She asked me if I'd be willing to go remote for the summer and I said I'd rather be in person. She asked if I was flexible then with my schedule and I said yeah. She didn't go into detail but she kinda indicated that she had a pretty rough childhood and didn't have a lot of support. I kinda word vomited and asked why she acted and seemed so much more mature then me despite the fact I was a few months older then her. She said something about matuirity levels and life expierences. She said she didn't think much about the age thing and asked if I did and I said yeah. We talked about transference T for a bit and I told her I told transference T stuff I couldn't tell her and she asked if I felt like I was getting everything I needed from her and I said yeah I told transference T stuff that no other therapist knew. Not just her. I have a message into her regarding the health issue we talked about at the start of the session but I haven't heard back from her yet.

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Default May 25, 2022 at 10:34 AM
  #950
Therapy was productive but I was pretty off as I suspected I would be. It was a zoom session. She was only 3 minutes late. I was wrapped up in a throw blanket and I was very tired despite just chugging an iced coffee before it started. I told her about my health problems. She said she wouldnt switch me to someone else. I voiced my anger and frustration with the Texas school shooting. Then we talked about my eating habits. She wants me to have a one time session with her supervisor who specializes in EDs. I told her I'd think about it. I'm not sure I want to. She switched me to an afternoon in person time slot for the summer. I told her going fully remote for the summer gave me bad summer 2020 telesession transference T vibes. After awhile of meeting it started becoming physically difficult for me to keep on talking and I had to keep repeating myself and she had to keep asking if I could hear her. At the end of the session she told me to get some rest. I asked if she could tell I was tired. She said yes and she also said she could tell I was having trouble talking. I said I just needed tylenol. She told me to tell my mom if it gets worse. But the session was productive, at least I think so I'm not sure what she thought.

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Default Jun 01, 2022 at 06:13 PM
  #951
I had a 3PM in person session today. It was pretty productive. I got a lot of things off my chest and despite having a phelebotmy procedure in the morning I was ok physically. I wasn't really sure how an afternoon session would be in general. Especially since I was super preocciped before with something. But I put that aside and just focused on the session. We did talk about my transference T and I told her that every time I thought of her I felt like a knife was going through my chest and that things would never be ok with us and I would just have to find a way to accept it. I also told her I asked a therapist one time if she was anorexic because it bothered me. My T looked appalled and said "you can't ask someone that!' Then she said that it was ok to ask the therapist if she ate. Um ok, like thats a better question to ask. But yeah it was just a standard session of me basically babbling about my health issues and her just listening and commenting when needing to but it was productive.

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Default Jun 02, 2022 at 10:02 AM
  #952
Today’s session was helpful, although it was hard work. R came in, sat down, and asked how I was doing. ‘I’m here now. I’ve been thinking about you – I sense there’s been a process leading up to this session.’
‘There has indeed. Thank you for your e-mail. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted the candle, and then I decided that I did. Then there was some real world practice in asking for what I needed…’
‘In order to get materials?’
‘Yes. Could you light it?’
‘Of course.’
‘I had a loose plan for this week, but something happened on Monday that kind of derailed it. Back in March, I attended an online workshop combining the mindful drawing practice of Zentangle with grief support. Pieces from the workshop were to be included in an exhibition that would start on the 25th of May. The 25th came and went, and I didn’t hear anything. On Monday, I received an e-mail with photos and a copy of the digital booklet.’
I passed her a printed copy of my page, and showed her a picture of my piece in context.
‘What jumps out at me here is “honouring my feelings”.’
‘That’s why I shared it with you, because you know what it’s taken for me to get here.’
‘Thank you for sharing it with me.’
‘In my e-mail to you, I alluded to the second letter to Steve.’
‘Yes.’
‘That now exists, but I’m not sure whether to read it today or next week.’
I muttered to myself as I tried to find it. ‘Better organisation would be a plus.’
‘You are very organized.’
I unfolded the piece of paper and sat there with it for a moment.
‘Take your time.’
I batted away the thought that if I took too much time we’d be there until next week.
Finally I began to read. I reached for R’s hand as I came to the last paragraph. ‘It’s very close to the surface now.’

R made a noise that seemed to indicate she understood.
‘Nothing bad is going to happen.’
I felt R tighten her grip as I got closer to reading the phrase I had trouble with.
‘This is your truth.’
‘You were so loved, and you ****ing left.’
I battled with myself to get to the end of the letter.
When I finally finished, R said ‘Well done for writing your truth and sharing it with me.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Are you frustrated with yourself?’
‘I am.’
‘I have the sense that you didn’t get what you needed from reading that aloud?’
‘Who am I trying to protect?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Who am I trying to protect from the full force of my anger? When I’ve been around people expressing anger in the past, it’s a sharp thing and then it’s done. This feels like a sticky substance.'
‘Yes.’ R’s next words floored me.
‘Your core belief is that you’re not allowed to be angry.’
'My core belief is that I’m not allowed to be angry. It’s OK to be angry that somebody when they have done something that inconveniences you like buying elastic shoelaces for a pair of shoes that were not designed to use them.’
‘In a situation like that, there is a path to repair.’
‘Not buying any more elastic shoelaces!’
‘It’s not an immediate end to the relationship, but there is something different about this.’
‘I find it hard to believe that he is at peace now, because of that final act. It comes to knowing too much, and I’m not talking about the theatre newsletter, although I could be. When I read the blurb to the crowd funding campaign, I don’t know or I can’t remember who wrote it, but they wrote “We believe that Steve would want you to know…” I reached for R’s hand again.
Possible trigger:

‘Peace and desperation are opposites in my book.’
R compared this to somebody who is addicted to drugs looking for their next hit.
‘There’s the hope that it’s a moment, and it will change.’
‘I can’t remember where I read it, but I’ve never forgotten what he wrote about the sense of calm when the decision is made.’
R then said that she was aware of the time, and didn’t want to leave me in a difficult place.
‘Is there anything left over?’
‘Next week, other than the change of time and day, nothing else changes, right?’

‘Nothing changes.’

R then got up and said ‘You can stay sitting, but I want to give you a little hug now. You’ve worked really hard today.’

‘Thank you. I am really hoping that this change of work to Thursdays will be temporary.’

‘Is there some anxiety there? I can be flexible. As long as you want me around, we can make it work. I always have space for you.’

Our breathing focused on releasing any tension built up in my body.

R asked whether I wanted her to blow the candle out.

‘I’d like to be the one to do that.’

‘I’ll hold it. That’s a nice way to end the session.’

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Default Jun 02, 2022 at 02:53 PM
  #953
Had my first Therapy session in nearly 3 years today, overall it went well. It was done via phone but future sessions will be via Skype. First time in my life I have had a Male Therapist but overall I think it went very well.

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Default Jun 02, 2022 at 05:18 PM
  #954
I had a pdoc session today. My first in person one since October 2020. He said I looked good and he hadn't seen me since all my surgeries and my weight loss. He asked how things were going. I told him mental health wise things were fine. Physically they were tough. I explained about the high blood levels and the needing frequent procedures and he agreed I should stay on my injections or else my depression would sprial. He asked how therapy was going and I said it was going good. I casually brought up transference T and asked if she was ever around and he said no shes mostly still doing remote, and that she comes in maybe an hour a week to do paperwork. I said that it was still tough not seeing her and me and my current therapist discuss it each week. He said I was welcome to come in to see him in person whenenever I wanted to. He didn't do anything with my meds. We both know without having to tell each other, that the issues I am having will not be helped by increasing or decreasing my psych meds. He just said "I'll send your refills over to the pharamacy, hopefully you get your physical stuff figured out." He came out and said hello to my mom. Which my mom said was nice. So yeah it was a pretty good session. We talked about the ukraine war and he told me last time I was really worried about it and he asked me if I still was and I mentioned not watching much news and then I said "do you still think its the end of the world?" And he basicslly just said its like Covid and at first it was really scary but now we have just learned to live with it. I was much more vocal then I am normally with him. Normally I'm pretty timid with him. I don't know if its the high blood level or if seeing all these doctors just has made me used to them and used to advocating for myself. Or if I do feel better because I just had the procedure yesterday and that first day after puts me in a good mood. Idk. But it was a good session.

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Default Jun 08, 2022 at 03:42 PM
  #955
Today was just a standard session. On my way there I got a call from a pulmonary doctor wanting to set up an appointment so I can get a sleep study done. So we talked about that. We mainly just talked about how I was told my biopsy was not urgent and I could take my time getting it done and then they called last Thursday and they want it done on Friday. We talked about my anxiety and fears involved in it. Basically it was just a normal session. Me unloading my health issues onto her. Her listening and commenting when needing. Etc etc etc. I wonder if I should try every other week for the summer. I'm not sure how much I'm getting out of therapy right now and I don't like this summer time slot anyways.

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Default Jun 15, 2022 at 03:08 PM
  #956
Therapy wasn't very productive today. I was doing remote and I've been feeling like crap all day. I have on a muscle tank top and my hair is a mess and I look like a slob. I was doing the session in bed as normal due to the lack of privacy in my house. But she didn't say anything about my appearance except that I looked tired and commented a couple times that I looked like I was going to fall asleep. She knows I'm going through a lot of health stuff right now so physical apperance especially in a remote therapy session is probably not one of my priorities. I'm sure she's seen worse too. But we just talked mostly about how to eat better and we came up with another food list and we talked about some of the medical stuff and the biopsy and how to distract myself until I know the results. She emailed me the list we made. So it wasn't a complete waste of a session I just looked awful and wasn't feeling too good.

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Default Jun 21, 2022 at 09:28 AM
  #957
It's good when you and your T are on the same page about important issues. Emotional Lost will need another session to talk about what we discussed today, but all in all it was a positive experience.

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 12:20 PM
  #958
Therapy really sucked for the first time in weeks. Our internet connection kept breaking up the entire time. I made a fat phobic comment, not about her though. and then she called me a green light or a red light, not sure what she was talking about at all. And she questioned if I really wanted to get better. What a ****ing mess I hope I didnt screw myself over. She said I wasn't in trouble.

But what did she mean when she called me a red or a green light?

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 02:39 PM
  #959
I had my first in-person session in nearly 3 years today and all-in-all I think it went pretty well.

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Default Jun 28, 2022 at 02:06 PM
  #960
I was crabby with her today. I'm not sure why because I'm not anxious or feeling sick today and nothing she was saying was particularly pissing me off. I was just a bit fiesty today. I think I just haven't been eating enough lately. But basically it was just the same food talk as normal. I brought up the eating disorder person she wants us to meet with and I said "you're not going to back door me and switch me to her are you" and my therapist said "no... why would I do that." And I said "because I've had it happen before where therapists say I'm stuck with them and then I'm too much for them so they switch me to someone else." She said she wouldnt switch me but then she said "if I did switch you though you'd be in excellent hands because she knows a ton about this stuff." Lol this is like from Big Brother when they are all like "I smell a back door plan" anyways I guess I just didn't want to be there today mainly because I was hungry.

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