[piggy momma]

I've been thinking a lot lately about termination. Not because I'm ready. Not because I've reached my goals. Not because I'm not making progress. Not because I don't like him. But because the days between each session are absolute agony...they feel like a million years, so maybe it'd be easier just to not have days between sessions.

The obvious thing to do would be to talk to him about this, but he'll just say "ok well let's start the termination process then." I don't WANT to terminate, but waiting between sessions is agonizing and he won't agree to an extra session each week.

He does go away from May-September every year, so I guess I can use that break to gauge what to do when he returns in September, without having to actually terminate. I need therapy. There's no question. That's not even up for debate.

Has anyone terminated for reasons other than you were ready?

[velcro003]

goodness, he goes away for FOUR months every year? sheesh. what if you brought up how the waiting in between is agony, and you don't know what to do about it? not necessarily bring up termination, but you could say "it is so stressful that i even think about ending therapy because of it," where it isn't you blatantly saying you want to terminate.

either way, he shouldnt just be like "welp, lets start that process!"

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by velcro003

goodness, he goes away for FOUR months every year? sheesh. what if you brought up how the waiting in between is agony, and you don't know what to do about it? not necessarily bring up termination, but you could say "it is so stressful that i even think about ending therapy because of it," where it isn't you blatantly saying you want to terminate.

either way, he shouldnt just be like "welp, lets start that process!"

Ya he's gone every year from May to September. I knew that going in, because I've known him for 15 years, I just didn't think it would be so hard.

I like your suggestion - I may go with that . I've told him that I want an extra session because I really only get eight out of the 12 months of the year, but so far he hasn't agreed, and commented once that he doesn't think I even need once a week. I guess I'll see how things go on Tuesday.

[piggy momma]

[\trigger]I think part of the reason I want to terminate is so that he won’t be affected if I ever decided to end my life. I think it would be easier on him to just get an email saying I won’t be back for reasons I’m unable to divulge and leave it at that.. [trigger]

[SlumberKitty]

Piggy_Momma, if you are feeling like sui you definitely need to talk to your T or go to the hospital.

Possible trigger:

I think it would be worse for him to know he could have helped and couldn't. What if he saw your name in the obituaries?

Try and be nice and kind to yourself and take it easy. HUGS if welcome, Kit

[Anne2.0]

Trigger warning

Originally Posted by piggy momma

[\trigger]I think part of the reason I want to terminate is so that he won’t be affected if I ever decided to end my life. I think it would be easier on him to just get an email saying I won’t be back for reasons I’m unable to divulge and leave it at that.. [trigger]

I think he will have just as hard a time with it, since you've known each other so long, whether you are still his client or not.

Don't terminate for him, because your therapy isn't about him. If you want to terminate, do so for your own reasons. I'd encourage you to keep going until May, when you have to take a break, because I think you can get some good stuff done before that.

[Taylor27]

[WishfulThinker66]

Do we actually need to use the word 'termination'? It feels so negative to me. Perhaps I am just alone in this. Using "termination" connotes to me that everything was an utter failure and that one is leaving their therapist's office on an extremely bad and difficult note. It connotes hate to me too.

Can't we simply state instead that one is 'moving on' or going forward in their care? Do all ceasations of care have to be so utterly horrible? I would rather leave on a positive note myself. Just me though.

Has your therapist suggested anything you can do in between sessions to alleviate the difficulty? Can you ask him about this? Some therapists don't mind or even encourage maintaining contact outside of sessions. Perhaps your own would be agreeable to this. Perhaps you might be able to, as a little bit of homework persay, start or end each day with a journal entry you can share with him a an email or something.

[DP_2017]

Wishful

1000% agree with you. I HATE that term as well.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Do we actually need to use the word 'termination'? It feels so negative to me. Perhaps I am just alone in this. Using "termination" connotes to me that everything was an utter failure and that one is leaving their therapist's office on an extremely bad and difficult note. It connotes hate to me too.

Can't we simply state instead that one is 'moving on' or going forward in their care? Do all ceasations of care have to be so utterly horrible? I would rather leave on a positive note myself. Just me though.

.

Termination is their word for it. For example:
Therapy Termination: The Transformation of Therapist & Patient
By Katrina Wood, Ph.D.

MOVING TOWARD TERMINATION OF THERAPY - School of Education - Syracuse University

Essential Skills in Family Therapy, Third Edition: From the First Interview to Termination
by JoEllen Patterson and Lee Williams

Ending Therapy: The Meaning of Termination
by Terry A. Kupers

Terminating Therapy
by Denise D. Davis

Termination in Psychotherapy - Joyce, Piper, Klein

[DP_2017]

^ we know it's the industry's term but we don't have to call it that here, they shouldn't even keep calling it that, she's right it does have negative sounding vibes to it.

[stopdog]

Call it whatever you want then. I don't see a problem with their word but I don't see how it would matter in general or to those people if you want to call it something else.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I've never had a therapist use the term personally with me, and I've technically "terminated" with every therapist I've ever seen for one reason or another. I agree; the word has a negative connotation that comes off as punitive (like getting a termination letter when a company lays you off or having a terminal illness or maybe a quote by Arnold. LOL!).

Whenever I left a therapist or he had to leave for some reason, we just talked about "ending" our therapy together due to whatever the circumstance was. No need to use the apparently official term they use in the professional literature (but my therapists weren't much into therapy-speak with me).

Professions have their jargon. That doesn't necessarily mean they have to or even should use that jargon with their clients because often the jargon really is loaded, stilted, and just plain wrong. We were fussing about this "jargon" thing at school this week. Our district has adopted a new evaluation system, and in it we are asked to upload "artifacts" as evidence of yadda yadda. Yes, we were going off on the misuse of the term "artifacts." Drives us a bit crazy, but the "professionals" in charge use that term, so we're kind of stuck with it.

[stopdog]

I think using their jargon is important for clients. I think it is freeing. But I don't think there is a problem if someone wants to use a different term.
I never found getting rid of/terminating/firing a therapist to be a problem for me.

[Taylor27]

The clinic where i go they use the term graduated. I do not know how i like that term it's like once you are done you can't go back, i don't know.

[stopdog]

Graduated would piss me off. I think that is a terrible term for it. That term is completely out of whack with my experience of therapy.

They probably call it termination to make it sound more professional and like a process. I also dislike graduation for therapy much more. It implies that the client has achieved something or upgraded, which is certainly not always the case.

I did not like the mental preoccupation with therapy either and it was one of the reasons I ended mine - it became an unnatural, useless distraction. If beneficial otherwise, it may be worth taking that side effect. It is indeed unusual for a T to take a 4-month break every year. They should not claim that they do long-term therapy then.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Yeah, not liking "graduated" much better. I would only claim "graduation" from my last therapy experience. The rest were more like extended dropping out of college due to lack of focus or funds. LOL!

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Do we actually need to use the word 'termination'? It feels so negative to me. Perhaps I am just alone in this. Using "termination" connotes to me that everything was an utter failure and that one is leaving their therapist's office on an extremely bad and difficult note. It connotes hate to me too.

Can't we simply state instead that one is 'moving on' or going forward in their care? Do all ceasations of care have to be so utterly horrible? I would rather leave on a positive note myself. Just me though.

Has your therapist suggested anything you can do in between sessions to alleviate the difficulty? Can you ask him about this? Some therapists don't mind or even encourage maintaining contact outside of sessions. Perhaps your own would be agreeable to this. Perhaps you might be able to, as a little bit of homework persay, start or end each day with a journal entry you can share with him a an email or something.

I do journal, and email him constantly - like numerous times a day. And sedntext messages. I’m going to ask him what strategies I can use to get through the period between sessions because right now I’m not even coping. I’m just gasping for each breath to keep me going.

[NP_Complete]

I once used that word with my therapist and he commented on what an awful word that was. So there are even therapists that dislike the word.

[susannahsays]

Graduated sounds condescending to me.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

I would only claim "graduation" from my last therapy experience. The rest were more like extended dropping out of college due to lack of focus or funds. LOL!

like many here, as a client, i don't care for the word 'termination' but do understand the professional association to it and since therapy is a business, guess it's best they stick to the jargon that keep it 'professional'.

also, termination has such a broad meaning and only explains that the therapy relationship has ended, but gives no reason as to why...it could mean the client chose to quit before they were done, or perhaps they did reach their goals, or the therapist quit working with the client for what ever reason, etc. etc. so because of this, i do prefer to use the word 'graduated'. personally, i feel that i have completed the things i wanted to do in therapy and really have no intentions to return. similar to finishing the goals of schooling or training, i like saying that i 'graduated' therapy because it provides the information that i have completed that process and i am done. i would not use that term to mean that a client has ended therapy if they did not feel they have completed what they set out or needed to do.

[MoxieDoxie]

I stopped emailing or journaling my therapist because of the same thing about the pain between sessions. I was so attached and dependent on his attention I felt that was all I was living for. I cut down sessions also. It has taken awhile but I feel free from that burden of need. I am sad as it leave a clear gaping hole that I guess is what causes me problems to begin with. Now I just try to work 7 days a week to be so busy I don’t think or feel about it.

[WishfulThinker66]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Termination is their word for it.......

Granted. This is true; but, it is an academic term used amongst professional peers. This is not something I see ought to be in the layman's lexicon. It doesn't mean we ought to be using it. It is like a doctor using the term "Myocardial infarction" when the rest of the world just says 'heart attack'.

Use the term if you must - especially when one or the other, professional or client, is responsible through their action(s) for the ceasation of services. I don't think 'termination' adequately describes it when two parties disagree on said services though. Termination suggests a rather horrible break-up. Is this always the case? Nope. There are softer ways to describe such a break more adequately. Why can't we simply state that, for whatever reason, it was determined I should seek help elsewhere; or, it was agreed that I would be better off with a different therapist. "Termination" on the otherhand construes anger in my books.

I think there are those who see the term and automatically jump to what may not be the right conclusion.

[piggy momma]

I saw my T today. We talked about everything...about how angry I was with him, how I thought about cancelling today or quitting, and other stuff. It was a really good session. He said he was really proud of me for being so brave and bringing everything up that I did. I’m glad I went. I feel a lot better.