[justbreathe1994]

For those who have grown (overly) attached to their Ts, how did you tell your T you were becoming attached? I’m not overly attached to DBT T yet, but I’m afraid I will become attached. It seems like the logical scenario, after growing attached to my last two Ts. I would like to “problem solve” with her by asking her what if questions, like: “What if I grow attached to you?" "What ifI fall into a similar dynamic with you as I did with ex T?" "Do you think you could handle it or would you refer me on?”

I want to have this conversation but I’m afraid, like always, I’ll scare her away.

[Merope]

I struggled with this because I got attached fairly early on. I noticed I grew attached when. I started worrying about him abandoning me. It took me quite a few sessions before I managed to open up and say that I view him as a sort of father figure. I literally held my breath and felt my whole face go hot. He smiled warmly and thanked me for telling him. It was a very accepting reaction. Every time I brought up attachment I was worried I’d be too much and he’d terminate me. Quite the opposite seems to have happened in that the more accepting he became, the easier it was for me to open up and forget the “filters”.

I think that this whole attachment thing seems like a much bigger deal in our head than in the heads of our therapists. I really don’t think your T will run away or be scared off. I’d be surprised if she doesn’t expect it.

[zoiecat]

I think your DBT T will be fine with it. Do the nature of DBT she will teach you skills Apollo to handle the attachment. She will most likely tell you to check the facts and give you ideas of how to deal with it from your side.

[DP_2017]

I hate the word attached, it feels needy and clingy to me and those are two things I hate being.

Anyway... so one day I emailed him and tried to tell him about these feelings but refused to say that word so I used the word "Bond"

We talked about it in session and when I said Bond there, he quickly changed it to "Strongly attached" which I thought was weird, because he seemed to know and pick up on how strong it felt, it wasn't hard at all. Was a easy topic to talk about

However... and this isn't to scare you because we had a weird relationship but at one point, I started to feel a bit needy and realized I felt "too close" and it terrified me. I emailed him this and it ended up leading to the big rupture we had in May... when it all almost ended.

The good thing is, after talking it all through, we actually seemed to be closer after and I trusted him more. I was finally able to accept that he did care about me.

I'd suggest if it's scary for you, email or write it down but they are so used to this stuff and honestly they probably already know.

Originally Posted by justbreathe1994

For those who have grown (overly) attached to their Ts, how did you tell your T you were becoming attached? I’m not overly attached to DBT T yet, but I’m afraid I will become attached. It seems like the logical scenario, after growing attached to my last two Ts. I would like to “problem solve” with her by asking her what if questions, like: “What if I grow attached to you?" "What ifI fall into a similar dynamic with you as I did with ex T?" "Do you think you could handle it or would you refer me on?”

I want to have this conversation but I’m afraid, like always, I’ll scare her away.

I was instantly attached. It feels like we have known each other before. Very different than any other T. I've never been attached before at all.

It's not something I've discussed, but it sure causes me to think of her 24/7. I've went to see her with intent to talk about it, but never do it.

Maybe someday...

[piggy momma]

I attached instantly although we’ve never talked about it. I did send him an email last week telling him I’m aware I’m super dependent on him and I’m trying to change it. I know he knows, and we didn’t talk about it, but I felt like I needed to say that much to him.

[WishfulThinker66]

I think raising this with your T and asking your questions is the route to take.

[crihb2000]

I would just tell her. I told my T that I was attached to her and we talked about whether it was a healthy attachment or unhealthy attachment. We both agreed it was a healthy attachment because even though I think of her often between sessions, I have never reached out to her between sessions for extra support. I always relied on my family, friends, and boyfriend for the "extra support" that I needed between sessions. I think if you told your T about the attachment, she could help you find extra support elsewhere (if that is what you). It helps to bring these up with you T even though I know it is scary. A good T will stick with you and work it out with you. Good luck.

[SarahSweden]

I told my T through an e-mail that I was afraid of losing her and I also mentioned a couple of things she said that had hurt me. (Because of me being so attached to her and me being "in love with the transference".


At first she scheduled a new appointment but me telling her about my attachment made her see her supervisor who I guess partly because of my attachment forced my T to end therapy with me.


This was never confirmed though, my T said it was because of their session limit we had already exceeded but I strongly believe it also had to do with the fact that my therapist:

1: Doesn´t know how to untangle transference feelings from a client.
2: Felt countertransference and warm feelings towards me she didn´t know how to handle.


So as a short answer, I told my T about my attachment to her in an e-mail and she abandoned me partly for that.


A bit off topic but I think it´s far and foremost therapists who own their practises and who work with "paying clients" who also knows how to work on more complicated cases and who expects transference and attachment as something to be dealt with. They need to be capable of that or else it's difficult to get a steady client base, especially if you´re a psychodynamically oriented therapist.


Therapists within public health care don´t know, don´t get the time and often aren´t aware about transference feelings and by that there´s a huge risk to let clients down and leave them in abandonment.

[Taylor27]

I just told my t that i got too close to my first t and he was able to assure me he could still work with me and we set out some boundaries that me and him were comfortable with. 5 1/2 years later im still with him. If she is a good t she will understand and work with you through it. Hugs

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I told my T through an e-mail that I was afraid of losing her and I also mentioned a couple of things she said that had hurt me. (Because of me being so attached to her and me being "in love with the transference".


At first she scheduled a new appointment but me telling her about my attachment made her see her supervisor who I guess partly because of my attachment forced my T to end therapy with me.


This was never confirmed though, my T said it was because of their session limit we had already exceeded but I strongly believe it also had to do with the fact that my therapist:

1: Doesn´t know how to untangle transference feelings from a client.
2: Felt countertransference and warm feelings towards me she didn´t know how to handle.


So as a short answer, I told my T about my attachment to her in an e-mail and she abandoned me partly for that.


A bit off topic but I think it´s far and foremost therapists who own their practises and who work with "paying clients" who also knows how to work on more complicated cases and who expects transference and attachment as something to be dealt with. They need to be capable of that or else it's difficult to get a steady client base, especially if you´re a psychodynamically oriented therapist.


Therapists within public health care don´t know, don´t get the time and often aren´t aware about transference feelings and by that there´s a huge risk to let clients down and leave them in abandonment.

Sorry this happened to you. We should be able to, are encouraged to, reveal all. This is such an emotional undertaking and if a T doesn't want to deal with all the things that come with it, they flat out need to find another career. It's ****** that you were blocked because you were honest. Even more, you felt a connection and it was disrespected. Makes me wanna go shoot rubber bands at that T.

[nottrustin]

I never told them. A piece of me feared her pulling back or even stopping therapy. Plus I honestly didnt feel the need to. I know there was a lot of transferance going both ways. We just made it all work.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T knew from the start that I might attach to her. I didn't have to say I was attached when it finally happened. Actually, when it finally happened is when I asked for a hug. But our goal was to delay attachment as long as possible so that I can really get to know her first. Now, telling her that I love her was the hard part, abd asking her if she loved me.

I'm going to bring up my history of attachment right away with interim T. For one, I might get attached to her, and two, I'll need to talk to her about my attachment to T. T says attachments are a good thing and that she wants me to attach to new T. She prefers it. She hopes that interim T will remain in my life so that there's more than one person who won't abandon me. Plus she fears that if I don't attach, and something little is said or done wrong, I'd be much more likely to give up rather than work through it.

I don't want to attach to interim T. I feel like I'll be cheating on T, and I also don't want to choose between the two when T comes back. But given my history and my gut feeling about this woman, I'm probably going to attach to her.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, my T even said that it´s possible to "fall in love" with a therapist which I already knew but when the actual feelings were there she couldn´t handle it. She was an alternative therapist and by that I know she isn´t educated about transference or how to work with attachment.


As you say connection is encouraged and should be honored but in my case I think my T felt too strongly about me, not in a loving sense but more that she was afraid I´d hurt myself if she´d leave me. She told me she was worried how I´d react if she told me we had to end therapy and I believe she was. But that´s also part of lacking knowledge, especially as I never said anything about hurting myself or similar when therapy had to end.


Yes, I wish every day I could do something about her betrayal, you mention "shooting rubber bands" but unfortunately there´s nothing to do about it. An angry letter or similar won´t change anything as she won´t respond.

Originally Posted by Nemo1934

Sorry this happened to you. We should be able to, are encouraged to, reveal all. This is such an emotional undertaking and if a T doesn't want to deal with all the things that come with it, they flat out need to find another career. It's ****** that you were blocked because you were honest. Even more, you felt a connection and it was disrespected. Makes me wanna go shoot rubber bands at that T.

[susannahsays]

Sarah, you don't know that's what happened. Iirc, your therapist had given you more sessions than she was allowed to. When she sought supervision from her supervisor, this came to light, and the supervisor, who didn't know or care about you, saw no reason for you to receive special treatment (meaning more sessions than were allowed). That scenario sounds like something that could happen very easily to me, particularly since you were utilizing free services. Oftentimes organizations offering free services, such as rape crisis centers, centers for lgbt issues, etc. have a session limit so as to be able to help as many people as possible. Your therapist should have been clearer with you that she couldn't help you indefinitely, but you haven't mentioned anything that suggests she ditched you because you were overly attached.