Instead of using my downtime from work...

....to relax I am reading articles on attachment to therapist on Quora and thinking about my therapist and being in his office.

I should be doing normal adult things. Maybe watching TV or reading articles other than therapy. What the HELL!

I hate this I hate this. I do not want to stop therapy because of my attachment. I cut out sessions and stopped emailing him on purpose to help calm that part of me but a particular hard sessions on Monday caused me to send him an email to reflect on what triggered a freeze/dissociation event. Now I spent all day looking at my email to see if he would respond to it in some way. Like just to say what a good job at having insight to the situation or something. Why do I even need him to reply? Why? I know he wont reply and will just discuss it on Friday. Hearing his voice and or getting a reply from him is like being tucked into bed and that is so wrong.

and here is proof that therapist do search around on here to see if their clients are posting anything.

I received a response from him today on the email I sent him on Monday night. Pretty much the response I mentioned I would accept.

[B]This is really good insight. There is some good stuff to work on, lets strategize when you come in how to work on authority. Thanks for sharing, it is really helpful./B]

So why do I need feel any better? I got the exact response I wanted but, nope, not feeling any better. I still feel stuck in that part that was triggered on Monday. Still depressed and having a hard time functioning through the day. All that it ever was.

I don't understand how his email response is proof that he's reading this site to see if his clients post here?

Really you can't?

I'm going to stop reading and replying to your threads now.

We had a thread here a while back (that was quickly quashed and erased by the guy who runs this site) that definitely showed that some of them do so due to someone finding and posting links to the forum where they were not only admitting having done so but also making fun of all the clients.

Why cant 'they' read here? It's not a secret forum.
We make a decision to post.
Saying that. I doubt well established therapist do.
Plus. His reply seems to be Something you've experienced before. You know his style. You expected that sort of reply. Thsts more the case, I d think, then him reading here.

I don't understand either how the response you posted is proof or even refers to this site... But excessively thinking/reading about therapy and the many ways people engage and too much was one of the main reasons I stopped therapy altogether. For me it wasn't attachment to the Ts, just thinking and reading too much at the expense of other things. It became nothing else but a useless distraction. I am also personally not a fan of all the obsessive attachment many people stay in therapy for, to hopefully "address" that, but that's just my preference.

As for Ts reading this forum, I know as fact that they do - I know many Ts via my work and a few mentioned it without my even bringing it up first when we were talking about places for clients to discuss their experiences. There have also been quite a few Ts / Ts in training participating in this forum since I signed up. I never understand why people assume that they do not read here, to me it seems a very obvious thing to do - I also read lots of online stuff related to my work all the time, including forums. Not a T but I work in mental health and actually signed up here in 2015 just as much out of professional curiosity as some personally relevant topics. And with the details some posters provide, I would not be surprised at all if their Ts recognized them here with a good probability.

again I grapple with this being a safe place to vent about things that I am not ready to discuss with a therapist but still need peer support....positive or not. It is not and I just do not know what to do. If I have to stop even posting here then where do I go?

Local peer support groups?

Nope I have looked over the years. They are too far for me.

So if you vent and your T read it. Can he bring that up? Would be have to carry on a pretence he hadn't read you? .
His got to log on. Find threads. Work out user names.
Perhaps, sipping coffee and flicking a cigarette in between maybe getting up to check on the kids.
Then Come back. Log in. Find more threads. Work out more clients from what They post. Sitting back, looking into space thinking "is this my client? Oh good this is nteresting what they are posting. This venting really needs to be followed. I'm log back in tomorrow after work because I must know more.

Really?!

Honestly. We're only that interesting in our own egos.

My state has some peer support "warm lines" that anybody in the state can call. They ask for some demographic information at first but I don't think I had to give my last name.

Any chance your state has anything like that? Here's a list that may or may not be accurate:

Warmlines