[stopdog]

Did the therapist ever explain to you the point of having a connection? What they meant by therapeutic relationship? How that was supposed to help the client with what the client (NOT the therapist) wanted?

[ArtleyWilkins]

That was never the focus of my therapy. We stayed focused on me and my relationships in life with family and friends, etc. in addition to the main focus which was simply me. I can probably count the times we actually talked out our therapy relationship on one hand. It was never an issue of precedence.

[piggy momma]

We talk about it a lot. At least I do. My relationship with him is very important. I couldn’t tell him half the stuff I do otherwise. But have we ever formally discussed it? No...but I’m also a psych student, and have written papers for him on the topic, so he knows what I know.

[stopdog]

It gets talked about a lot in a vacuum - but no therapist has ever explained to me how such a thing was supposed to be useful in why it would help a client get what they were seeking when they hired the therapist in the first place.

[divine1966]

No, my t never talked about therapeutic relationships or connections. In fact I never had a therapist who’d talk about such things. I am not and was not in therapy to work on or build my relationship with a therapist. I’d be rather puzzled if she started talking about it. In what context?

I stopped seeing t for some time but now I went back to my t to address my grief over my mother’s recent death and issues that pertain to that like insomnia and my dad not coping well etc I’d be probably offended if in a middle of it my t said let’s talk about our “therapeutic relationship”. I’d probably respond with stfu

[starfishing]

The "therapeutic relationship" is just the sum total of our interactions--what we know about one another, how we feel when we interact, what we hope for/expect/fear from one another. It's all the same components of any relationship, it's just the content and focus that are different. Personally, I don't think I choose whether or not to have a "connection" or relationship with my therapist. We just do, by simple virtue of being two humans who have spent substantial time interacting.

My current therapist has definitely talked about why he thinks it can be helpful to discuss our relationship--primarily because there are ways those discussions can illuminate things about my history that still echo in the present. Also because problems or miscommunication between us have the potential to derail the work of therapy altogether, so resolving any issues in that category is a high priority.

[eskielover]

We never talked about it. Her personality is such that most of the people I know that go to her connect wirhout need to discuss anything. Those that don't have a problem connecting to anyone from those I know that don't connect to her.

Discussing connection doesn't make it happen. It either happens naturally or it doesn't.

Before I started this last therapy I was just starting to learn what really connecting feels like & that started with my dog after 33 years in a bad marriage & 21 years before that with dysfunctional parents who didn't have a clue how to emotionally connect. It was a learning process for me that started with my dog & spread out to the new people in my life....something that happened internally within me & my own internal growth & awareness.....not something that anyone else could make happen

[stopdog]

I am not asking if they talked about how to get one - I want to know if any therapist ever explained the point of having one = how was it supposed to specifically help a client. What is the purpose of such a thing with a therapist - not real people in real life. And why don't those guys explain it to clients when they start.

[eskielover]

Not much point in talking about the purpose of having one if the client has no idea how to connect in the first place.

In my years of therapy either there was a connection & it worked or there wasn't. Talking about the point of having one was irrelevant if there wasn't one naturally & unnecessary if there was

[stopdog]

I don't agree. But that is not what I am asking.

[here today]

I've come to think that probably I just don't connect with people in the way that term is usually used. The therapist made vague references to "relationship" and I would just sit there quietly and probably looked like I was understanding but didn't have a clue. I'd learned long ago that being with people and looking like, or showing, that I didn't have a clue was a socially dangerous thing to do. It seemed liked a given in her world or experience. How could she explain that to somebody who was "outside" it?

L always said that therapy doesn't work without it.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

L always said that therapy doesn't work without it.

I agree the connection is generally needed (for me but I cannot speak for everyone), but I don’t think it necessarily needs discussing for everyone. For many, it is just a matter of fact and never comes up for discussion because it isn’t an issue. We don’t need it explained because we just accept it’s already there and don’t give it much thought.

I just answered the question which was did the therapist explain, with what mine said. I wasn't saying it was "for" anybody.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

I just answered the question which was did the therapist explain, with what mine said. I wasn't saying it was "for" anybody.

I realize that. Just continuing the discussion.

[elisewin]

Yes, mine has explained it and she also made sense.