[sarahsweets]

Here is what I mean...
I had the same male therapist for like 16 years. I started seeing him in my young 20's and followed him from practice to practice. In the beginning I had a lot of stuff to process involving my father, my self esteem etc. And I *think* he was good for that. But we became so familiar that I felt it was too much like shooting the ***** and not so much like therapy. He knew it all. He knew the whole family. I heard from many well intentioned people that I should consider a female therapist. Considering some of the trauma I was dealing with (sexual in nature) and that I struggled with my self esteem as it pertained to the way I looked or was perceived, people thought I would ultimately process better or at least differently with another woman. Things did not end well for the male therapist and I (boundary issues I do not feel comfortable sharing yet), and I stopped therapy. I was doing fine and am doing well but recently started therapy again with a woman. What a difference! I never would have believed it but I am looking at things with a different perspective and I really could have benefitted this way years ago. Its almost like those 16 years were 3/4 of the way wasted. I am feeling such insight and validation and I really had no idea how distinctly "male" the other therapist painted things. I do not mean to trash him but its how I feel right now.

I do not believe I had transference but I know a few girls that went to him that definitely had romantic feelings for him. He was good looking and I also saw him in some social settings and he didnt exactly play the admiration down. In fact I think he may have liked it. There are plenty of girls that swear by male therapists and say they do not get along with women or have been traumatized by women. And I also know plenty of guys who feel that exact same way about their female therapists. Am I alone in this? Am I crazy for thinking this? Am I being too rigid or judgmental about the whole thing?( I do not mean to be)

[ArtleyWilkins]

You do what works for you.

Not everyone deals with transference. I never have and all of my therapist have been male. Not everyone is prone to romantic feelings for therapists.

The bottom line is if a person's therapy is effective for them as an individual.

[stopdog]

I am a lesbian and I tend to choose older straight women. I don't have a tendency to be attracted to them, but the reason I choose straight women is that I don't want to deal with the possibility of running into them in my community or circle of friends (which includes a good number of therapists along with the usual gym teachers and attorneys). I doubt I could abide dealing with a male therapist and the two men I tried were disasters in opposite ways. I tend to work better with women in general. I really don't think it matters what you prefer.

[piggy momma]

I am female and have worked with both female and male therapists. I personally much prefer a male therapist and have never had trouble opening up regarding things like sexuality. I just find them easier to open up to.

[SlumberKitty]

I'm female and I happen to prefer female therapists, but I have worked with a male T when my former T was out of the country and that did work pretty well but I don't think I would have been comfortable telling him half the stuff I told my T at the time, but maybe I just needed to get to know him better. Bottom line is it sounds like you have a T that is working for you right now, and that's great! HUGS Kit

[feileacan]

I am female and my therapist is male. We've had to work through a lots of negative transference (still an ongoing process) that stems mostly from my mother. I think that with a female T the treatment would have been ruined pretty quickly because I just couldn't stand or respect any females and I needed a male T.

I suppose now I could even consider working with a female but I see no clear reason for that - my male T is very comfortable with both his feminine and masculine sides and he has been more mother to me than my own mother ever was. Inevitably he has also had to deal with all the hatred that I had towards my mother.

Btw, transference is far more than romantic feelings. Not having romantic feelings does not mean that there is no transference. It can take all sorts of different forms and erotic/romantic feelings is just one of many ways it can manifest.

[Taylor27]

I am a female I have had both male and female therapist. I perfer to have a male therapist they seem to understand much more and don't get so moody. My addiction counsellor was moody im so glad we ended last year, my work with the male t has been allot better. She use to be so negative at times it was difficult to work on my goals infact her opinions got in the way and her fustration led to us terminating the counseling, we both left on good terms, that was good.

[Salmon77]

Everybody's different.

In your case, it sounds like the problem was not so much that the therapist was a man and more that

we became so familiar that I felt it was too much like shooting the ***** and not so much like therapy

[Carmina]

I'm male but have not had any good experiences with male therapists

[unaluna]

I tried to alternate between male and female ts and pdocs whenever i was in a position where i had to change my provider. Yeah im a hippie feminist.

[divine1966]

I only ever saw or wanted to see a female. I also have other expectations: has to have kids, either is or was married, either foreign born or very well travelled with direct knowledge of how the rest of the world lives.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I'm female, I see a guy. I've seen a few women before this and never felt like I could talk to them or like they really understood. I've always had issues with women in my life. Might be connected to that, might not be. I think gender is not that important for most things concerning therapy though. I certainly have transference for my T that I'd say is more likely to come from experiences with females than with males, make of that what you want.

It might be that for you working with a woman is a better fit. It might be that it's just the change of seeing a new therapist. It might be something completely different. I certainly don't think that you're alone with this experience though.

[Omers]

I am female and always had female T’s because I was afraid of men. Recently I started with a new T that is male and I have honestly never felt safer, more open and I feel like we have accomplished more in 6 sessions than years and years of female T’s so I guess it all depends?

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by Omers

I am female and always had female T’s because I was afraid of men. Recently I started with a new T that is male and I have honestly never felt safer, more open and I feel like we have accomplished more in 6 sessions than years and years of female T’s so I guess it all depends?

How interesting! I have always had female T’s and can’t really see seeing a male t, but maybe that holds me back in some way. I am not afraid of men, but I have always felt more comfortable w women, especially in the emotional realm.