[darkside8]

Do you sometimes respond to certain things in a mood? Disagree with a comment made? How does that usually go? Reckon this somewhat strengthens your relationship?

I think I responded to T once in a slightly annoyed manner. She mentioned that I seem annoyed by her suggestion but laughed as she finished off, which made me laugh. Ended up lightening things and we moved on.

Most of the time when I interrupt her a little to make a point clear and may seem slightly defensive, she always quickly reassures me with a softer and defensive voice what she meant and refers to ‘we’ as everyone in society do so and so etc. It seems she tries hard to avoid conflict, unless of course she needs to challenge a thought of mine for progress, in which she always refers to what the evidence states. Bless her!

[MoxieDoxie]

Tit for tat or I apparently deflect and he calls me out on it all the time.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Argue? Not really my thing. Intense discussion? All the time.

[stopdog]

With the first woman it was constant and with the second one it was rare to have an actual argument. I never found it strengthened the relationship in any way.

[darkside8]

Originally Posted by stopdog

With the first woman it was constant and with the second one it was rare to have an actual argument. I never found it strengthened the relationship in any way.

I've noticed you refer to T's you've had as either 'the' T or 'the woman', and never 'my' T. I do that when referring to people I'm not so fond of, and therefore, try to detach myself from.
Just something interesting I've picked up on.

[stopdog]

I never saw those people in a possessive light. I never thought of them as a mine sort of thing. They were simpy the two I hired.

[piggy momma]

I wouldn’t say we “argue” because we try and have a team-based approach. We don’t always agree on stuff, and we’ll work through those disagreements.

[nottrustin]

I have never had an argument with either of my Ts. Then again I rarely argue with anybody including my husband. We have difference of opinions or disagree on an issue but we talk through it. They have said we can agree to disagree if it something that even after discussing it we have different briefs. No arguments, though.

[ScarletPimpernel]

T and I don't argue. There might be things we disagree with, but we don't argue over anything.

Now ex-T and I argued a lot. Looking back on it, I realize how unhealthy it was. She would do this thing with words. I had to quote her word for word or else she would say she didn't say that. She would do that with my words too. It was so tiring. I hated it.

Things are so much better with current T. No arguing; just discussing.

[Anne2.0]

I'm not sure these 2 things are examples of arguments. We're talking about my life, the way I experience things, the way I make sense of the world and how I feel about it. So what's to argue about in general.

1. I talk on and on about something in my current life that resembles some dynamic from my childhood. T gets a word in and says something like that sounds like X. I correct him (less than I used to, as he's getting better with his word precision after 10 years of my schooling), I say "It's X.23" and he might affirm, "okay, I see the difference."

2. On occasion I say something like, "I thought you were angry with me last session, in the beginning, before I even sat down." Him: "I don't recall feeling angry. I remember being concerned, because you asked for an emergency appointment and you don't often do that." Me: (lightbulb about the "face" and how it fits his description of concern) "Oh."

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I'm not sure these 2 things are examples of arguments. We're talking about my life, the way I experience things, the way I make sense of the world and how I feel about it. So what's to argue about in general.

1. I talk on and on about something in my current life that resembles some dynamic from my childhood. T gets a word in and says something like that sounds like X. I correct him (less than I used to, as he's getting better with his word precision after 10 years of my schooling), I say "It's X.23" and he might affirm, "okay, I see the difference."

2. On occasion I say something like, "I thought you were angry with me last session, in the beginning, before I even sat down." Him: "I don't recall feeling angry. I remember being concerned, because you asked for an emergency appointment and you don't often do that." Me: (lightbulb about the "face" and how it fits his description of concern) "Oh."

I dont think of either of those are arguments. They are both checking in to verify what the other was thinking/saying. To me that is utilizing good communication skills.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I dont think of either aa those as an argument's. They a de e both checking in to verify what the other was thinking/saying. To me that is utilizing good communication skills.

I will note this as post #2,712 of doing it wrong

[healinginprogress]

We've had two or three arguments that required more than basic clarification. But I'll take it for as a learning experience and as strengthening our bond.

[SlumberKitty]

I've never argued with any of my T's. I'm not much on arguing with anyone in my life. I find it scary. Kit

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I will note this as post #2,712 of doing it wrong

There is no right or wrong😀. Or maybe there is and I am totally wrong!!

[velcro003]

I've never really argued with my T, but I do get defensive and shut down a line of inquiry if I am not feeling it. She brought it up recently that my anger takes over and shuts down, and she is right. But, there's never been any occasion when we've argued.

One time he told me bluntly, with controlled anger 'I think we are about done here'

I smartly replied 'I think we were done the moment I walked in'

Then I walked out.

Therapy can get feisty that's for sure

[kaleidoscopeheart]

We disagree sometimes but I wouldn't say we argueargue. I say my thoughts, T reframes it and sometimes tries to redirect, but ultimately its my life, my session, and my decision. We both understand this and so we don't really argue.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by Client xx

One time he told me bluntly, with controlled anger 'I think we are about done here'

I smartly replied 'I think we were done the moment I walked in'

Then I walked out.

Therapy can get feisty that's for sure

Well that sounds intense! Did you go back to that therapist?

[sarahsweets]

I wonder if we are all clear on a unified example of what an argument in these cases are? i feel like it has to be different than being defensive or evasive and different in explaining how you see things differently or different perspectives. A legit argument never feels good and usually involves some serious emotions. I would never put up with that from a therapist.

Originally Posted by Lrad123

Well that sounds intense! Did you go back to that therapist?

Yes.

We always manage to push through and keep going. He's never given up on our therapy despite many intense, challenging moments.

I am reminded of this quote ...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair…