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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
10 375 hugs
given |
#821
Met with Pdoc today. It went okay we talked about you a bit and about how much I missed you. When I brought up missing you it was almost like like she was rolling her eyes in her head. Then when I checked out and rescheduled my next appointment with her, I realized it was the date of the last time I saw you last year.
Struggling to get through the night. Good thing for food alcohol. I know you tried to help me to not use alcohol to cope but some days it is the only way I can stay safe. __________________ |
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LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 1,009
6 2,354 hugs
given |
#822
It felt almost like you were going to offer more, or at even just hint at it until I felt safe asking.
And then the moment was over and I'm sure you never intended to give me that impression. Wishful thinking. It was silly of me to even think that. 50 minutes twice a week. You've never said or done anything that would suggest that you'd ever deviate from that. I wish you hadn't texted me that one time. It was easier when I thought that nothing like that could ever happen. Now I want it again. |
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LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Posts: n/a
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#823
L. So it's been about 2 months now since I saw you last. I'm still not sure if we need to say goodbye or not. Maybe that last hug was enough of one. I don't know.
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LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 322
7 567 hugs
given |
#824
Today was horrible. I’m not sure where we go from here. Oh, T.
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ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,714
5 |
#825
What would your supervisor say about your behaviour in the last session? Or, more pointedly, what would your therapist say? Your "role reversal" description does not begin to cover what is playing out.
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Omers, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,073
5 70 hugs
given |
#826
I honestly have nothing to talk about on Monday. It's been a quiet week. I've been wracking my brain all week trying to come up with something. I don't know if I've started the weaning process - we only have five more sessions until you leave for 13 weeks, or if there is truly nothing going on. Maybe a bit of both.
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LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,798
12 3,132 hugs
given |
#827
If I spend my next session, whenever that may be, talking about the stuff that's come up during this time, the Critic is going to be very angry with me. I feel like I should be able to do this, and most of the time I can...but this is the time of year that I need support with it, and I don't know how to ask.
__________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty
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Posts: n/a
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#828
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Omers, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Comfy Sedation
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,301
(SuperPoster!)
11 8,149 hugs
given |
#829
hi tee
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Anonymous42961, chihirochild, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Ashes109, chihirochild, LabRat27, unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,871
(SuperPoster!)
12 66.4k hugs
given |
#830
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LonesomeTonight
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,700
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
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#832
I hate you for leaving me behind.
Study group started at 10.30am and I started to get tired, I wanted to leave after the lunch break at 2.30pm - but I felt X made a snarky comment about me leaving and not taking it seriously . I did the one thing i'm good at.I started to cry in front of all of them.. You would say I do have a choice, but i felt trapped and I stayed. Today we ended at 7.15pm __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
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Anonymous43207, chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Posts: n/a
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#833
I am pre-emptively hating you.Stupid magical thinking. If i do this the maybe you will say yes, but in reality tou will so no, so i will live in my fantasy world for the next 2 weeks.
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LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 3,512
13 3,133 hugs
given |
#834
T, I’m hurting. I am hurting so bad and I don’t understand why. Emotionally I am still struggling with random bouts of fear you will be violent with me. H wants to be supportive in a way that feels supportive to him... but he laughed at me when I told him I emailed you about the fears. H will let me hug him but it is feeling more and more rejecting/not in there every day. I guess he is starting to feel really emotionally unavailable. Pdoc can’t get here fast enough with more hugs. Please, please take me seriously in my request for touch in the next session. I know that sounds crazy after me telling you I am imagining you being violent with me but I need the reassurance. My body hurts so badly and I am always cold, I’m never cold. Now I can’t get warm. I’m loosing time too. Lost a day somewhere this week. Please hold me, hold my hand, hug me, something. Please.
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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Anonymous42961, DP_2017, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,412
6 665 hugs
given |
#835
2 years ago we met. I never realized how much you would change my life. So many times I wish In never met you but mostly I'm glad I did, I just wish you never left. I miss you a sickening amount. It would probably scare you to know that. I hope you are happy and have replaced me with someone who is good to you
__________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
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LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,360
7 4,865 hugs
given |
#836
Not gonna drunk-email you. Nope. Not even a little bit.
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Anonymous43207, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
10 375 hugs
given |
#837
Both of you have tried to get me comfortable with crying and being okay with it. Today oldest son said something that made me feel like the worst parent in the world. I have cried so much today including in front of other people. I wish I had one of you..in all honesty I wish I could email you T. You always reminded me and always found the words to remind me I am a good mom. Emdr T is good though, bit she hasnt been there through all the parenting ups and downs
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Anonymous43207, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 3,512
13 3,133 hugs
given |
#838
So, I just officially hate my brain and wish I could just shut everything off until Monday and T.
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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Anonymous43207, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 322
7 567 hugs
given |
#839
This one has been hard for me, T. Very hard. I think you’ve successfully scared me into never acting out again. I have sure learned my lesson. When you shut me out, it’s a living hell for me and unbearable. I won’t misbehave again.
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Anonymous43207, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since May 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 303
5 |
#840
I don't know how to say the things I probably should say.
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ElectricManatee, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
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