[Merope]

Sorry, I feel like I’m taking a lot of space on here lately, but I need to get this off my chest.

How do you deal with the guilt of googling your T? I haven’t done it in a while, but I had a dream that someone told him about how much I know and he terminated me.

I have googled him quite extensively and even found his Facebook and a few photos that he was tagged in with other people...and I feel awfully invasive and guilty, like I stepped over his boundaries. I’m terrified of him ever finding this out! I hate being so curious about him.

[Echos Myron redux]

We all know that employers Google employees right? Well T is your employee - you hire him. In my view you have as much right to Google him as any other employer. It's up to him to manage what information is and isn't publically available. Just like the rest of us.

The only reason to stop googling in my opinion is if the behaviour is having a detrimental effect on you. If you are finding that knowing things about him and seeing those photos is hurting you, it might be time to think about avoiding the searches. It might also be worth feeling curious about your guilt feelings - do they link to any other places in your life where you feel intrusive or unwanted? (that's true for me anyway - and I notice you start this thread by apologising for taking up space.)

The bottom line is, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Public information is public.

[Merope]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux

We all know that employers Google employees right? Well T is your employee - you hire him. In my view you have as much right to Google him as any other employer. It's up to him to manage what information is and isn't publically available. Just like the rest of us.

The only reason to stop googling in my opinion is if the behaviour is having a detrimental effect on you. If you are finding that knowing things about him and seeing those photos is hurting you, it might be time to think about avoiding the searches. It might also be worth feeling curious about your guilt feelings - do they link to any other places in your life where you feel intrusive or unwanted? (that's true for me anyway - and I notice you start this thread by apologising for taking up space.)

The bottom line is, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Public information is public.

Thank you for this. There isn’t any jealousy or anything like that, just curiosity. There was a point, pretty early on, when I just wanted to know more about him. It was around the time I started opening up about shameful things.

The guilt is definitely something that I need to work on.

[SalingerEsme]

I agree with Echos. I have zero Google guilt.

[Merope]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

I agree with Echos. I have zero Google guilt.

What about Facebook guilt >.<?

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T knows I used to "look her up", "research" her, etc. We made a deal: she'd give me a stuffed animal if I'd stop googling her. I've kept to my promise except for once when I accidentally went to her psychology today page when I was looking someone else up. I told her about it and she wasn't mad.

So I used to have guilt, but since I don't do it anymore and have been open with T, the guilt's not there.

[Pennster]

I am sorry you are feeling so bad about it. It has never occurred to me to feel guilty about googling my therapist (or anyone or anything else).

In one aspect of my life I have done a lot of public things, and there is a lot online about that aspect of my life. If someone wants to look it up, that’s no concern of mine- it doesn’t hurt me or affect me. I have also always viewed it as wise not to put much out there that I wouldn’t want other people to see. I assume my therapist, who uses social media a lot and is quite public in many ways, also has considered his online image and it’s up to him to safeguard it accordingly.

[Merope]

It’s just that I think he took measures not to be recognised on social media...but his “about me” section gave him away instantly because it matched his professional website. So the guilt stems from sort of knowing that he probably doesn’t want clients finding him say on Facebook, but looking him up anyway because I was curious about who he was outside of therapy and whether he was married and had kids and what he likes to do in his spare time. I had no other end game other than my curiosity and I’d never act on any knowledge. Apart from the guilt I’m feeling now, it had no detrimental effect on me. In fact, I feel more connected to him now as a result and I feel like I can be more open.

I’m scared of telling him this though. I told him before that I “cyber stalk” and he said something lsong the lines “if it’s out there, it’s fair game. It’s not like you’re breaking into anyone’s account”. But still. I feel like I violated a boundary and am scared he’ll say he doesn’t want to see me anymore because of it.

[Lemoncake]

My T joked that I could offer this as a service for T's.

I originally found his facebook account, but he had tagged his wife in a photo, so I could click on her account and go through her photos despite not being friends with her. I found his tripadvisor account, twitter, his myspace account accidentally which had bad photos of him from his uni days and nights out.

Seeing those made me feel like he was more normal and less idealized, but I've also admitted to finding his wifes instagram and seeing his brothers' account , googling his mother and looking up his practices filling history. He works from home but I've only seen one room- I wanted to see what the rest of his house looked like and found old photos of his home on zoopla.

He removed his twitter and myspace accounts, but I told him I would tell him if I did search his TripAdvisor account again.

I don't feel guilty, I want to know who I am being asked to trust, but I take my own privacy seriously and use a fake name on facebook, which I keep just for one group and the only thing that could be found on me would just be my goodreads account!

[wheeler]

I too have googled my therapist and looked at her FB page. I finally told her cause the
Guilt Was interfering in my therapy. I even looked up her husband as he is well known
We have had such conversations about this many times.

She said it was normal to be curious and totally understood. Her reaction
Normalized it for me.

[Merope]

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

My T joked that I could offer this as a service for T's.

I originally found his facebook account, but he had tagged his wife in a photo, so I could click on her account and go through her photos despite not being friends with her. I found his tripadvisor account, twitter, his myspace account accidentally which had bad photos of him from his uni days and nights out.

Seeing those made me feel like he was more normal and less idealized, but I've also admitted to finding his wifes instagram and seeing his brothers' account , googling his mother and looking up his practices filling history. He works from home but I've only seen one room- I wanted to see what the rest of his house looked like and found old photos of his home on zoopla.

He removed his twitter and myspace accounts, but I told him I would tell him if I did search his TripAdvisor account again.

I don't feel guilty, I want to know who I am being asked to trust, but I take my own privacy seriously and use a fake name on facebook, which I keep just for one group and the only thing that could be found on me would just be my goodreads account!

Thank you for this. How did your react to finding out you looked him up? Did you ever mention you found his wife’s Facebook?

[Merope]

Originally Posted by wheeler

I too have googled my therapist and looked at her FB page. I finally told her cause the
Guilt Was interfering in my therapy. I even looked up her husband as he is well known
We have had such conversations about this many times.

She said it was normal to be curious and totally understood. Her reaction
Normalized it for me.

Thank you, this gives me a lot of hope should I ever tell him. I’m in a similar situation because my Ts wife (or ex wife, I can’t tell) is pretty famous in an industry that I’m interested in, somits hard not to admire her a little bit. Makes me feel a bit creepy though, because I only know about her because she was tagged in a photo with T.

[kaleidoscopeheart]

The guilt got to me when I googled my T so after a little over a year I told him about it. He was cool with it, actually finding it a little amusing, and he told me that it was all public record so it was ok. I did find one piece of info that he had never disclosed to me so we talked about that and it actually helped open communication a little more between us. It was a hard discussion but definitely worth having. If you choose to address it, I hope it goes well for you!

I'm a researcher by profession. My T would not believe me if I were to say I didn't research her.

Despite this, I do feel some guilt over it. What I have to remember is those are my own feelings and not to project them towards her.

I'm sharing the deepest, most private parts of my life with her. Why would I not feel the need to know everything I can about her? She must limit what she shares about herself for obvious reasons. I think there's an unspoken understanding that we're going to look. I also bet they look us up a lot more than they'd admit.

[Anne2.0]

I am also of the opinion shared by others here that there is nothing wrong with googling anyone about anything. My T shows up very little on a google search (although, interestingly, his address pops up because he went to a local government hearing. It might be because he's a certain age where people don't have a large internet presence if they stay off social media, or because he's taken steps to lock down his information. I don't feel guilty for googling him and anyone who doesn't want their public info shared needs to take the appropriate steps.

[piggy momma]

I google him, I Facebook him, and the other day I did a drive-by his house (I texted him after and told him I always wanted to drive by his house, so I just did. He laughed).

I go to his Mass on Wednesday mornings but he said no to Sundays. I take as many of his classes as I can at uni.

I’m totally a t-stalker lol.

[Merope]

Thank you all. I think I need I bring it up in some manner because ever since yesterday it triggered such intense guilt that I can’t eat, sleep or think without coming close to a panic attack. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but the strength of this reaction is starting to scare me. I feel as though I set someone’s home on fire, that’s how intense the feeling of guilt is. It makes me feel physically ill.