[SlumberKitty]

Good morning! I was going to post this on the couch but then I thought it seemed too long.


I went to see my PDOC last night. I told him how I've been struggling with depression, and I told him about my recent SH. (My Mom was like, you told him about the SH--you have to tell everyone! --Like maybe it is embarrassing to her-- Well I think he needed to know since it was worse than usual. Usually I don't tell anyone that I SH except my T). PDOC said we had three options: increase the anti-psychotic, add a second anti-depressant, or do both--but he doesn't really like to do two changes at once because he likes to see what results he gets with one change (which seems reasonable). I told him I was okay with making one change if I could see him earlier than 3 months which is my usual time frame. He said sure. So we increase the anti-psychotic and I'm going back in 5 weeks. I'm a little nervous about increasing the anti-psychotic because 1) it makes me hungry and gain weight--grr, not what I need and I don't know if increasing the dose will make it worse 2) it makes me feel kind of zoned out and zombie-ish. 3) I think it adversely affects my desire to do stuff. Makes me feel blah. BUT I really didn't want to add another medication so it was sort of an easy decision. So I was able to increase the medication today thanks to some samples. I do feel zoned out and out of it, but I can't really decide if it is worse than usual.

I let a couple of my friends know what the response of the PDOC was and that was helpful for the most part. One of my friends didn't respond (I sent her a text). Three responded mostly positively. One definitely said she would be there for me if I needed to talk or vent, so that's cool, even though we usually get together on Wednesday nights and we can't tonight because she can't meet, so sort of a mixed message there.


I wish I could tell my T about this. And get her opinion. I mean my former T, not my current T. My current T doesn't seem to get too involved in the medications but my former T would have helped me feel better about the need to increase the medications and would have been hopeful for me that it would help.


We went through the list of all the anti-depressants I've been on in the last two decades, and it's a lot. I really haven't shown good improvement with any of them. This mix that I've been on for maybe 2 and a half years, worked really well at the beginning but seems to not be working as well now. This happens to me with meds. They start out okay and then just seem to stop working. It's like my depressed brain finds a way to work around them.


From this post, I'd really like support or encouragement. I don't really want a debate about whether or not medication in general is good or bad. I feel I need it, whether or not this is the right combination I don't know. Thanks everyone!

[unaluna]

You remind me of another couch member who we havent heard from in a while. She would forget to take her similar meds, but she was the hardest worker! She had like three jobs and was working on her masters. You couldnt help but admire her.

[SlumberKitty]

Thanks Unaluna. I take my meds every morning and every night otherwise I couldn't function and couldn't get out of bed. The meds really do keep me alive I think. Therapy helps. It helps a lot, but my brain is

Possible trigger:

hell bent on killing me

and the meds help to knock that crap off. HUGS Kit

[sarahsweets]

From this post, I'd really like support or encouragement. I don't really want a debate about whether or not medication in general is good or bad. I feel I need it, whether or not this is the right combination I don't know. Thanks everyone!

Thank you for saying this, too often medication related posts get hammered with how bad they are and how big pharma is brainwashing us. My meds are a matter of life and death.

[coolibrarian]

Might you be able to take the anti-psychotic at night? Then you might not feel so spacey during the day. Just a thought. Hugs. --Cool

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

Might you be able to take the anti-psychotic at night? Then you might not feel so spacey during the day. Just a thought. Hugs. --Cool

That's actually a question I mean to ask the PDOC. But I forgot. I can probably ask the pharmacist though, or ask the PDOC when I go back in 5 weeks. Thanks Cool. HUGS Kit

[ArtleyWilkins]

I had the same issue with AD's. They worked really well for a fairly long time, and then they just didn't. We did find a combination that finally did work, but I feel your pain.

I wouldn't think there would be an issue with taking the AP at night. I found taking them a few hours before bedtime helped me sleep and kept me from being too groggy in the morning. There were a couple AP's I just couldn't tolerate because the grogginess was pretty extreme even with taking it at night.

When I was at my most depressed, it almost always required to different AD's that worked differently to budge things along. I didn't generally have to stay on both for very long, but the combination seemed to jumpstart things for me. Your Pdoc sounds like a good one though, recommending only one change at a time. That's a smart move. Just takes patience to wait things out.

ETA: I was fortunate in that my therapist was very well versed in medications. It was so incredibly helpful because when I was having issues like this, I could tell him what was going on and he could give me some ideas of where to start as far as questions for my pdoc, etc. He didn't push meds; he just was comfortable discussing them and had enough knowledge (had taken several psychopharmacology classes) that he could speak with some clear information.

[Anne2.0]

I think it's great you are open with your pdoc with your symptoms and what you are struggling with. It sounds like he listens to you and is trying to find the right mix that will help you.

I am a believer in any medication that helps people; I don't believe people should suffer if there is something that can help them. When I was on an AD years ago, it was really helpful.

Whatever choices anyone makes about what works for them is okay by me. You are taking care of yourself by choosing what works for you. I hope you feel better soon.

[SlumberKitty]

Thanks for the encouragement and support ArtleyWilkins. I'm hopeful if I do have to add another AD that it won't have to be for forever. I just need to get out of the place that I'm in which is super depressed. It's hard to be patient when one is at a low point, but I suppose that is the best course of action. And to keep asking for support as needed. HUGS Kit

[SlumberKitty]

Thanks for the support and encouragement Anne2.0. Just what I needed to hear. Thank you. HUGS Kit

[ScarletPimpernel]

My medication is a life saver for me. My mind is also set on dying without it. I take a lot of meds, more than I'd like, but they help. They allow me to function.

I too tell my Pdoc all my symptoms. We also talk about what's going on in my life. It helps them figure out what the best course of action is. Especially since psychiatric meds are still sort of a guessing game. But then again, aren't most meds? But if they're good, they'll keep up with the latest research and know which meds help with certain symptoms.

[SlumberKitty]

Thanks Scarlet. It helps to know I'm not alone in this struggle! HUGS Kit

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Thanks Unaluna. I take my meds every morning and every night otherwise I couldn't function and couldn't get out of bed. The meds really do keep me alive I think. Therapy helps. It helps a lot, but my brain is

Possible trigger:

hell bent on killing me

and the meds help to knock that crap off. HUGS Kit

With my recent try of no meds, I realized my brain is also hell bent on killing me too. It sucks.

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

That's actually a question I mean to ask the PDOC. But I forgot. I can probably ask the pharmacist though, or ask the PDOC when I go back in 5 weeks. Thanks Cool. HUGS Kit

I take my AP at night, so hopefully you can!

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Thanks for the encouragement and support ArtleyWilkins. I'm hopeful if I do have to add another AD that it won't have to be for forever. I just need to get out of the place that I'm in which is super depressed. It's hard to be patient when one is at a low point, but I suppose that is the best course of action. And to keep asking for support as needed. HUGS Kit

Ugh, being patient when you are feeling so so low is SO difficult. I'm in that place right now, and god, it is hard.

[unaluna]

I take all my meds at night, otherwise i wouldnt be able to walk in the morning!

[Calla lily12]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Thanks Unaluna. I take my meds every morning and every night otherwise I couldn't function and couldn't get out of bed. The meds really do keep me alive I think. Therapy helps. It helps a lot, but my brain is

Possible trigger:

hell bent on killing me

and the meds help to knock that crap off. HUGS Kit

There's a book I read years ago and I hope I get the name right....I believe it's called "What to do when your brain is trying to kill you " Can't remember the author, but I remember it was helpful.

[SlumberKitty]

Thanks Calla_lilly12. I've never heard of that book but now I'm interested in looking it up. I once told my pdoc that my brain was trying to kill me. He thought I was being psychotic at the time, but I wasn't. I was trying to explain to him how it feels. HUGS Kit

[coolibrarian]

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention: Susan Rose Blauner: 9780060936211: Amazon.com: Books

[guilloche]

SlumberKitty - I think you did awesome!

First, telling your Pdoc about the SH was the right thing to do, and it can be really hard. (I've got an SH history, and sometimes still struggle with it - and I never want to tell anyone, even when the ex-T when I was seeing her, when those thoughts come up.)

I think it's important to share that with the Pdoc, so he knows what's going on with you and has all the information to make good decisions in your treatment. So, good job on that!

Second, you asked for what you needed (a follow-up appointment sooner than 3 months) - that's awesome too, and can be hard for some of us! I literally want to high-five you right now!

Third, your pdoc gave you options, and you were able to quickly assess which would work best for you and make a decision! (I am terrible at making decisions, and it only gets worse when you throw in depression!)

You didn't hem and haw, you didn't say, "I don't know, whatever", you picked a good option!

So, I think you handled this all super fabulously and should make sure you give yourself lots of credit!

re: Whether the anti-psychotic is the right decision, there's no way to know without trying it, right? And since you've got a follow-up appointment scheduled, if it doesn't work out - you can try something else. You're doing what you need to do to feel better, and that's a good thing!

*hugs*

[SlumberKitty]

Wow, thanks Guilloche! Thanks to your reply, I feel like I did a good job taking care of myself! HUGS Kit

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention: Susan Rose Blauner: 9780060936211: Amazon.com: Books

Thanks Cool!

[downandlonely]

You did the right thing SlumberKitty.

Also, I have never been psychotic, but I take an anti-psychotic to stabilize me and help me sleep. It works really well.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

Also, I have never been psychotic, but I take an anti-psychotic to stabilize me and help me sleep. It works really well.

same here.

[sophiebunny]

It sounds like you have a really proactive psychiatrist. I can't imagine he'd have a problem if you called him between appointments with your questions. Since he made the change, he's the one who should know how you are doing on it.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

You are doing an awesome job of fighting through the tough battlefield of depression and psychological struggle. Kudos!!

[SlumberKitty]

Thanks for the support and encouragement everyone! It would have been much harder to get through these past 12 days without ya'll. HUGS Kit