That "One Step Forward, Two Steps Back" Dance

emeraldheart · Feb 28, 2019 at 11:38 AM

It's so frustrating when you feel like you've made progress and then it all just crumbles down because you've uncover a new memory from your traumatic past.

It feels like just when things are getting less confusing, a long-buried issue pops up and goes "Hey, remember me? Let's deal with me next!" and you are back to square one. The panic attacks happen again, the nightmares begin, etc.

I'm fortunate that I get along very well with my T. He's a great "friend". He knows how to push me without getting overboard. He's offered out of session support whenever I need it. I've always felt very comfortable with him and constantly wish that we had met under different circumstances so we could be regular/normal friends.

But wow, I am sooooo looking forward to the day where I don't have to see him anymore, because to me, that would mean I am able to handle life better.

Out There · Feb 28, 2019 at 12:35 PM

That can feel difficult and not always like progress but the one step forward two steps back is paradoxically progress as it's not linear. It's the things we still need to deal with that come up and we go " Oh , no not THAT again! " but they're so complex and tied to other things that they need sorting out. My T always used to say it was all stored badly in a cupboard , when the door was opened things would fall out and we try to shut the cupboard door. But getting everything out , sorting it and storing it neatly takes time and is painful. Look back at what you've written , it's positive really though you' re perceiving it to be negative ! Hugs

SlumberKitty · Feb 28, 2019 at 01:51 PM

I hear you. One step forward, two steps back is excruciating. But it does mean slow and steady progress, and for that you might feel a bit proud of yourself, I think that would be great. You're doing it. Day by day, maybe even minute by minute. You're growing, and healing. HUGS Kit

junkDNA · Feb 28, 2019 at 01:52 PM

sometimes I remember something I've buried away and my brain won't let me stop thinking about it. it becomes an obsession and it is truly maddening. I usually end up falling apart after a while because it's literally just the same thought in a loop. Ive never felt so desparate than I do when that happens

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That "One Step Forward, Two Steps Back" Dance

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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Feb 28, 2019 at 01:51 PM #3 I hear you. One step forward, two steps back is excruciating. But it does mean slow and steady progress, and for that you might feel a bit proud of yourself, I think that would be great. You're doing it. Day by day, maybe even minute by minute. You're growing, and healing. HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,303 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,151 hugs given	Feb 28, 2019 at 01:52 PM #4 sometimes I remember something I've buried away and my brain won't let me stop thinking about it. it becomes an obsession and it is truly maddening. I usually end up falling apart after a while because it's literally just the same thought in a loop. Ive never felt so desparate than I do when that happens __________________
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