Visiting therapist and weekend session

The therapist moved out of state in June last year. She was in town for a visit last week since October last year. So that's five months. I have a spring break coming up and was thinking of heading East and stopping by her state for a few days so that we could do in-person. Her schedule is very tight and has limited availability. So I asked her whether there's flexibility that she could do a single or a double session during the weekend on Saturday or Sunday. She said she doesn't want to cancel what she has going on. I thought more about it after therapy and went back to ask her about it. She said that she doesn't work on weekends anymore and that she wasn't going to make an exception just because I'm in town for a visit. I said that that's rigid. Once when I had something major going on, her coworker talked with me on the phone on a Sunday evening even though she wasn't my therapist and wasn't getting paid. So it hurts that my own therapist is being so rigid and inflexible.

How often is it that we get to do in-person therapy? Hardly. If I'm in town for a visit, you'd think a therapist would be flexible and not **** about it and would spare 45 minutes out of the weekend for therapy. Is that too much to ask? When something is hard to come by, you'd think people would be more flexible about and not let it slip by.

I said I only asked because you've limited availability during the weekday. I said it's just a logistical matter. She said it's not just a logistical issue. It's her personal time and she isn't going to make exceptions just because I'm in town. When she put it that way, she sure didn't make it a logistical issue. I mean, which patient isn't going to feel hurt by it? Even a patient who is soon to graduate from therapy would feel hurt if their therapist is so anally rigid like that.

I’m sorry that T can not fit you in while you will be in her state. All I can do is offer my empathy. I know if my T moved out of state he would terminate with me so I can’t even put myself in your shoes.

I understand a little about where she is coming from however you are an established patient who is normally far away so I think she should make an exception. Do you do teletherapy with her or do you have a local therapist?

I would feel hurt in this situation, not because of her rigidity but because I would have the expectation that I *should* be important enough for her to fit me in when I take the step to travel to where she is. However, I would check my expectation for the reality that she did not ask me to travel nor promise that if I did, she would see me.

But what resonates with me is her desire (especially given her age and family situation) is protect her personal time from encroachment with work, as I am trying to do the same thing although my situation is different. Setting boundaries with those I work with has been a repeated theme for me, because they always want me to make time for their issues and projects, as if I don't have other work that needs to be done and a personal life to live. I do think she is showing how a professional makes time for her life and it is not about you. That knowledge is what would help me feel less hurt, but I would have to work at it. I'm sorry it feels this way and I hope you find a better place.

I don't think she is being unreasonable. She doesn't work on weekends. I don't either. Neither do many, many people I know. Period. She didn't ask you to come visit her. Your travel plans were not contingent on seeing her. If you want to see her in person, it would be your responsibility to plan your schedule to meet her office hours.

Understand your feelings, but your expectation is not really founded on the reality of her professional boundaries about her work time. This isn't about you honestly. This is her professional/personal boundary that she has set for her life.

There are die hard Sox fans who wouldn't miss a game. But if there is some other event going on that rarely happens, say a supermoon or whatever other rare events, some fans might miss part of the game for it.

I'm not asking to do therapy on the weekend as a freestanding time. Nothing is absolute, right? There should be exceptions. What about the therapist's coworker who talked with me on the phone Sunday evening because I had something going on? That's being flexible. I understand professional and personal boundary. But nothing should be absolute or rigid. There should be room for exceptions.

She said she didnt want to cancel her plans; which to me indicates that she is busy during that weekend.

Obviously she doesn't want to make an exception about her weekends (or that particular weekend, maybe she has plans already). You can be disappointed or angry, but it is her personal boundary, whether you agree with it or not. I know many people who would act exactly like her. And I also know people who would not (like the coworker you mentioned) or would be more flexible if there was an obvious crisis. People have their boundaries that are set for a reason. Maybe having a local therapist would work better for you?

Did you try to change your schedule to make it during her stated availability, or are you unable or unwilling to be more flexible?

And I think it's a hard argument for any client to think they have the same status as that of a game to a sports fan.

I'm sorry your therapist is unable or unwilling to see you on the weekend. I can see how that would be hurtful. I think that like others said, she has a personal boundary about not working on the weekends, and it sounds like she had plans that particular weekend. I know that is disappointing because you are traveling, it sounds, to see her. It does sound like a therapist who is closer to you might be better. HUGS to you, Kit

I can see how hurtful it is that your t wont see you on the weekend. She may have that boundary to keep her weekends to her personal life. Im so sorry you feel hurt maybe you both can see each other on Friday or Monday if that would workout if not maybe you can both touch base by phone. Hugs

You said she has limited availability during the week - does that mean she has offered you a time on a weekday while you are there?

Sorry that she isn't available when you want her to be. Have you asked when she is available? Maybe you can organize your visit to coincide with her availability.

You know what? I find her rather intransigent. Fair enough if she has something that she cannot cancel the particular weekend you are offering. However, I find it harsh that she refuses to make an exception under any circumstances, when you haven't seen her for 5 months.

Yes, there is respect of boundary and T's personal time but here it seems more rigidity and harshness. I would not want to keep seeing a T such as this one.

Maybe she could (not like she is obligated to but she could) offer a better explanation.

Maybe someone else purchased expensive tickets to something and it would be inappropriate for her to cancel, maybe her family would be upset that she cancels on them and their plans, maybe she has a date with someone who is visiting, maybe she has health problems and need her rest etc

If this event is planned before she knew you are visiting, then it would be hard for her to justify canceling her plans. She could just explain it better

Now if she discussed your visit with you and you made plans already and then sgd says “oh never mind I have plans” then it’s rude. But if you decided to travel to see her without discussing it with her, then really she can’t be expected to change her plans. All she cdn do is offer better explanation