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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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#881
Good morning couchies! Whoever has the phobia about the snake in the toilet--I'm with you! That's always been a minor phobia of mine but also why I have an automatic light in my bathroom. You walk in at two in the morning and are automatically blasted with a bright light but I want to be able to see what's in/around the toilet!!! HUGS Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
Omers, unaluna
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atisketatasket
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#882
So far I am not figuring out what it is I need to figure out this week. I'm working on deciding if I should push out my time on not SH-ing after Lent. Part of me wants to not commit to more time because I feel unwell, and I feel undone, and losing that coping mechanism, well, it's just not going to be productive if I don't have something to replace SH (and so far I don't). On the other hand, part of me wants to extend the time out because I feel like if I SH, I'm not going to be able to do just a little bit, I'm going to end up back at the hospital for stitches, and that's just embarrassing and expensive. But whenever I go for what I consider to be a long time without, when I do it, I DO IT. And it's like a big mess. With Lent, I felt like I was making a promise to God and that made it feel like a concrete thing. If I just promise myself or my T, it doesn't hold the same weight for me. My parents are going to be gone a few times in the upcoming months and I know that if I am able to SH, I will do it when they are gone, so that way they won't necessarily know that I went to the hospital (I have my own insurance through my work so I'm not on theirs). So that's another reason to extend it out. I wish I could have talked this through with T on Monday, but since she had to cancel, I'm talking it through with ya'll on the couch. I still haven't come to any sort of answer, or conclusion. I'm just trying to sort out my emotions and my logic and not run out of time before making a decision. HUGS Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
Echos Myron redux, Lemoncake, NP_Complete, Omers
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,115
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#883
I often dream that i still have my cats and i havent been feeding them, because its like all of a sudden they are back. Its very similar to my working dreams, where i am way behind on my timesheets. And the people gone dreams are like sd's. So real.
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CantExplain, Omers, SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,115
(SuperPoster!)
12 66.9k hugs
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#884
Slumberkitty, some people here might profanely suggest you eat some Peeps.
Me, personally, i like peeps. |
Omers
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atisketatasket
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,355
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#885
SlumberKitty, if making the promise to God is helpful to you, does it have to be for something like Lent to work? Could you make a promise to God to not SH just as an independent thing? Like you could extend the promise for x weeks or something?
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
LonesomeTonight, Omers
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
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#886
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
unaluna
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atisketatasket, Omers
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Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,786
(SuperPoster!)
7 10.2k hugs
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#887
__________________ |
Omers, unaluna
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Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,786
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7 10.2k hugs
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#888
Quote:
__________________ |
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SlumberKitty
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Omers, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,115
(SuperPoster!)
12 66.9k hugs
given |
#889
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SlumberKitty
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atisketatasket, Omers, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 2,164
6 1,834 hugs
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#890
I had a session several weeks ago where my T confirmed what I already knew, he said I am special to him and that he has never worked with another client the way he works with me. He said it feels like uncharted territory, he can't always see the path, and sometimes he wonders if there is a path, and that's sometimes scary.
It was a very honest conversation and it felt really, really good. It took a lot of processing and I didn't want to post it in IST. The reason I want to write it now is that, since that session, which was about 4 weeks ago, I have just felt so different towards my T. I still love him dearly, but I have not felt the pain of the yearning, I've not missed him nearly as much and when I have missed him, that's felt okay. I've not felt the need to write in IST and I've not been ruminating over my sessions. I feel connected to him in session and out of session but not in a painful way, like it sometimes can be. We were discussing this in today's session. I said it's not like I didn't know it, I just needed to hear it. It was like "this is what I feel I'm getting from you, can you confirm my feelings?" We talked about how a lot of our ruptures have happened when he has said something that didn't match what I am picking up from him. T said it made him go back to Rogers, and the importance of congruence. How being authentic has proven more important than any "rules" about what he should and shouldn't say. I actually feel my therapy has turned a corner. I dont want to speak too soon in case something like a break makes things go backwards again, but right now I feel the mot secure I ever have in therapy. I think I will bury this on the couch. |
chihirochild, ElectricManatee, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, Omers, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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chihirochild, ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,786
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#891
That's lovely to read Echos!
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Echos Myron redux
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CantExplain, Echos Myron redux, Omers
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#892
I second what Lemon said!
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Echos Myron redux
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CantExplain, Echos Myron redux, Omers
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
Posts: 3,824
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#893
That's really lovely, Echos. I'm glad he shared that with you and that you are feeling secure.
I had a session a few weeks ago where I shared in writing some things about how I feel about therapy and some wishes that I have. I told him that I wanted to be special to him and that I wanted to be his favorite client. There were a few other similar things in there. This was really difficult to share with him. I was not asking him if he felt these things, just sharing how I felt. We had a session the next day and he told me something to the effect of "you understand why I can't tell you that you're my favorite client (or another thing that was in my writing) even if I felt that way." I think part of me understands, or at least wants to understand why he can't say these things to me, but it really hurt to hear and I wanted to tell him to stop talking. He said he knew I wasn't asking, and I wasn't asking, but I felt ashamed at that moment. I kind of wish I hadn't shared any of that with him, but of course he thinks it's great that I did share it. I guess I don't understand why he can't tell me. I guess I did want him to feel that way about me. Therapy is hard sometimes. |
chihirochild, Echos Myron redux, LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Echos Myron redux, Omers
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 2,164
6 1,834 hugs
given |
#894
Quote:
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Omers, SlumberKitty
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NP_Complete, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
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#895
I'm thinking of extending my no SH time until Pentecost. A person on another PC Forum helped me get to that idea. I haven't made a firm commitment yet, but I'm leaning towards it. Attaching it to something important to my religion, my faith, seems to be key. When people tell me, just do it for you, don't do it for anyone else, that doesn't really work for me, because I don't care about myself enough. But I do care about my God, my religion, my faith, and so maybe I can tie the two together again, like I did for Lent. It definitely made it easier to get through. HUGS Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA Last edited by SlumberKitty; Apr 17, 2019 at 05:44 PM.. Reason: spelling error |
chihirochild, Echos Myron redux, LostOnTheTrail, NP_Complete, Omers, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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atisketatasket, Echos Myron redux, LostOnTheTrail, Omers
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,858
12 3,169 hugs
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#896
Proud of you, Kit. It's like they say...'whatever gets you through the night'.
__________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
SlumberKitty
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Omers, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,361
7 4,865 hugs
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#897
My T has developed the habit of responding to my emails by way of voicemail—he says that it takes him too long to put his thoughts on writing for him to email me back properly, but sometimes there’s stuff in my emails that he feels compelled to respond to prior to our next session.
The hysterical thing is that even if I pick up the phone when he calls (I often don’t because I’m usually working during the day), he asks me to hang up so that he can leave me a voicemail. Presumably this is because he’s like btwn appointments or walking from one place to another and has exactly three minutes and not enough time to have an actual conversation?? (It also feels a little bit like a control thing maybe, I don’t know.) It’s a little odd, but it’s also kind of sweet. I appreciate that he gives enough of a crap to want to respond to my emails, even if he does it in a weird format. It’s also nice bc then I can listen to them again if I’m struggling at a later time. I dunno, is this totally weird? |
SlumberKitty, UnderRugSwept
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Echos Myron redux, NP_Complete, Omers, unaluna, UnderRugSwept, WarmFuzzySocks
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,414
6 665 hugs
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#898
I quit my job. After weeks of agonizing over it, because I hate it, well I hate my FT job too but I really hated this one because of the public aspect and rude people yelling at me. I got the courage to finally do it, and I talked to a woman about it, which really shocked me. She was super nice, I told her honestly that mentally I can't do it and she was talking about her struggle with anxiety and suggested therapy because it helped her. She told me they will list me as a rehire so if in the next year I feel well enough and want to return, I can.
I am kinda angry at my self because I struggle to find jobs and I feel like I blew it but I just really can't handle jobs with public right now. I need to get my head together first __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
Anonymous42961, CantExplain, chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 2,164
6 1,834 hugs
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#899
Quote:
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chihirochild, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,361
7 4,865 hugs
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#900
Quote:
Silly silly silly. |
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Echos Myron redux, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Echos Myron redux
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Closed Thread |
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