Email fever

Merope · Apr 12, 2019 at 09:40 AM

Thank you all! I keep going back and forth from being happy that there was contact, to sad that it was so....to the point? I mean, the issue I emailed about was pretty trivial, but the little kid in me wanted a bit more than a straightforward response. I can’t believe I’m fretting over this again.

Merope · Apr 12, 2019 at 09:43 AM

I think sometimes I just want him to care a bit about me? I know it’s needy, I really do. But I want it so much it makes me sad that everything is always so boundaried and contained. I agree with boundaries wholeheartedly but they hurt when one is feeling vulnerable.

DP_2017 · Apr 12, 2019 at 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merope

I think sometimes I just want him to care a bit about me? I know it’s needy, I really do. But I want it so much it makes me sad that everything is always so boundaried and contained. I agree with boundaries wholeheartedly but they hurt when one is feeling vulnerable.

Totally understand but take it from someone who had the care to a deep degree, be careful what you wish for. Not saying you will end up like me, not likely but the boundaries etc will come back to bite most of us in the rear at some point. Wanting care is normal and all. Just maybe don't want too much of it. Let us know if he replies ok

ChickenNoodleSoup · Apr 12, 2019 at 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Totally understand but take it from someone who had the care to a deep degree, be careful what you wish for. Not saying you will end up like me, not likely but the boundaries etc will come back to bite most of us in the rear at some point. Wanting care is normal and all. Just maybe don't want too much of it. Let us know if he replies ok

I don't think wanting too much of it is necessarily wrong. I just think therapists should not slack enough to let those things happen. It's okay to feel wanting too much and it's okay to talk about it. But it should to no degree actually happen. That's as far as I understand the ideal.

kaleidoscopeheart · Apr 12, 2019 at 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merope

I think sometimes I just want him to care a bit about me? I know it’s needy, I really do. But I want it so much it makes me sad that everything is always so boundaried and contained. I agree with boundaries wholeheartedly but they hurt when one is feeling vulnerable.

It's ok to be needy sometimes. Its ok to feel vulnerable and want to feel cared for. Its HUMAN. You seem to have a good perspective on this and to be fairly insightful about what you are feeling and why PLUS you understand the boundaries in therapy. I don't think you have anything to feel ashamed of and it is ok to reach out. Sometimes I think that the real work of therapy (at least for me) is learning that its ok to be human with human emotions and vulnerability.

Merope · Apr 12, 2019 at 10:45 AM

He did respond. A perfectly nice quick reply which was exactly what my initial email warranted. But the neediness in me wanted more. At the beginning, he would send me long emails with attachments and links and fun analogies....now he doesn’t do that anymore. I think the nature of my therapy has changed and doesn’t really require that any more. But a scared part of me worries that he gave up on me.

He also stopped taking notes in the past few months which only bothers me when I’m feeling like this/

I went on the pill recently and it’s bringing out a plethora of neediness/anxiety and depressive episodes.

SlumberKitty · Apr 12, 2019 at 11:49 AM

I'm glad your T responded. I understand about the neediness wanting more. I used to email my former T a couple of times a week. Sometimes they were pretty short emails, but sometimes they were longer. I usually emailed her after session to let her know how I was doing, what I had processed etc, and she said that was very helpful for her. But sometimes I just needed more of a response. I get it. I can't email current T, but I still struggle with wanting to email former T. HUGS Kit

Lemoncake · Apr 12, 2019 at 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merope

I caved. Instantly regret it as per usual. I feel like I need to apologise to all of you, though I don’t know why.

There's nothing to appologise for. It's all part of YOUR process. Perhaps try to tell him that lack of note taking is bothering you.

I feel like where I am now because I was so dependent on R. I'm actually better at being more independent.

elisewin · Apr 13, 2019 at 01:34 AM

Why beat yourself over it? If he allows contact and emails, and you feel you really need it, it is perfectly ok to reach out. Just to make sure the contact is still there. We do not always need to be enough for ourselves. That is what the support is for. That's why you are in therapy. I'm glad you listened to yourself carefully and reached out when you had the need for it and that he replied kindly. Just like it is supposed to be.

Merope · Apr 13, 2019 at 01:02 PM

Thank you all. It's been over a year now, but I''m still trying to wrap my head around this whole therapy thing. I never in a million years imagined that the relationship would be such a huge deal for me.

DP_2017 · Apr 13, 2019 at 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merope

Thank you all. It's been over a year now, but I''m still trying to wrap my head around this whole therapy thing. I never in a million years imagined that the relationship would be such a huge deal for me.

I'm glad he replied, hope you are feeling better over it all right now.

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Merope Veteran Member Member Since Jan 2018 Location: Somewhere in a cloud Posts: 719 6 479 hugs given	Apr 12, 2019 at 09:40 AM #21 Thank you all! I keep going back and forth from being happy that there was contact, to sad that it was so....to the point? I mean, the issue I emailed about was pretty trivial, but the little kid in me wanted a bit more than a straightforward response. I can’t believe I’m fretting over this again.
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Merope Veteran Member Member Since Jan 2018 Location: Somewhere in a cloud Posts: 719 6 479 hugs given	Apr 12, 2019 at 09:43 AM #22 I think sometimes I just want him to care a bit about me? I know it’s needy, I really do. But I want it so much it makes me sad that everything is always so boundaried and contained. I agree with boundaries wholeheartedly but they hurt when one is feeling vulnerable.
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Merope Veteran Member Member Since Jan 2018 Location: Somewhere in a cloud Posts: 719 6 479 hugs given	Apr 13, 2019 at 01:02 PM #30 Thank you all. It's been over a year now, but I''m still trying to wrap my head around this whole therapy thing. I never in a million years imagined that the relationship would be such a huge deal for me.
	Reply With Quote