Therapist is unwilling to work on trauma that happened in therapy...

Hi everyone,

For those of you who don't already know, I have experienced Institutional Betrayal in therapy. I have been met with repeated trauma in my pursuits for therapists and I have become weary that I will ever heal.

Anyways,

I have seen a therapist at my University since September.

This semester my trauma got severely triggered resulting in a medical withdrawal. While there are many reasons why, the primary triggers were:

- Writing a personal essay about my trauma.
- A phone call with my therapist with MANY red flags.
- A class about injustice and abuse of indigenous populations.

In short, my therapist is unwilling to speak about my trauma. She claims that therapy at the University is not long-term and therefore, taking on trauma is not an option and would require referral elsewhere. (If she knew the extent of my trauma she would understand that referral is NOT an option). She also claims that it is NOT the mandate of the program to work on trauma and that even if I switched therapists within their program, I still couldn't work on trauma... While I understand this logic, I also feel the need to let her know what my trauma is so that she can avoid potential re-traumatization and help me in the best way possible. I also could use a chance to speak about my trauma so that I am better understood.

**I plan to challenge this next session in asking what their policy is if a student experiences abuse on campus. Do they not let them talk about it? Do they quickly refer them somewhere else if a trusting relationship has been established? Do they always say, "No - we can't talk about trauma." I highly doubt it.**

I question whether she is simply not a good fit, because each time I have brought up details about my trauma experience in therapy she has become visibly short and upset, indicating a negative counter-transference reaction. She was very cold and demeaning and had quite a condescending tone of voice. She even smirked when I brought up my trauma in therapy! She likes to change the subject. It hurts. A lot. At one point she actually said, "I believe your traumas in therapy stem from childhood abuse, and that each subsequent trauma in therapy is a result of past trauma and hyper vigilance." BIG RED FLAG! Of course, I responded by saying that I have had excellent therapy and that it wasn't until the unethical therapy began that I was wary of therapists. When I said this, she sat back in her chair realizing how wrong she was. (I feel she is starting to understand this).

Members of the healthcare community have reacted similarly when I go in saying, "I have been abused by therapists." You would think they would show empathy or compassion, but many of them do not. This could happen for many reasons. Perhaps they have a certain degree of bias (and believe I am generalizing, which I am not), perhaps they are guilty of abusing patients (for which my awareness puts them on the defensive), perhaps they know the problem exists but are unwilling to engage in the topic (because they have compartmentalized these issues for years).

My biggest fear is that this therapist is unable to touch on my trauma for personal reasons, not because of the mandate or program limitations... In which case she would be lying to me and approaching a potential re-traumatization if she cannot maintain her negative counter-transference.

Add to this that I am getting attached. Some of the things she says are extremely inappropriate and triggering and I have left in tears or was extremely angry and unheard / misunderstood. She is communicating with me better now and I feel she could help me, it is just this one particular issue... (Which is the core to my issues).

What do I do? Do I request another therapist and hope they can hear me out? Or do I trust that this therapist is telling the truth and truly has my best interest at heart?

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

I wouldn’t do trauma work with someone that doesn’t specialize in trauma. That goes double if they tell you they won’t touch trauma. IMO it’s better than having them “wing it” and make damaging mistakes to layer on additional trauma.

I’m not sure how I’d feel about continuing a relationship with a therapist that behaved in an inappropriate or triggering way either. It’s not a client’s responsibility to instruct them how to help, or to dictate how they should manage their counter transferences. The fact that it is occurring to a degree that you are aware of it and it’s hurting you may be a good sign to find someone who understands you better. Seems to me that over time you are likely to get more triggered, and more angry, and less likely to get what you are looking for.

Have you considered contacting TELL? I believe they staff either paid or volunteer therapists to help clients damaged by therapy - either by counseling them directly or pointing them to the appropriate resources. It might be worth a call.

Lastly I read a book recently called “Mending the Shattered Mirror” which chronicaled a woman damaged by therapy and her relationship with a TELL worker who helped her heal. The TELL worker had also been a victim of therapy abuse so the usual therapy hierarchy was shifted more to “survivor to survivor”. Very power and but an intense read. I’m not sure how helpful that would be, but I found the reading cathartic.

Hope you get the help you need soon!

Hi PurpleMirrors3,

Your first paragraph really opened my eyes. I didn't think of it that way. Thank you. I am not sure about whether she is qualified to treat trauma or not but she is a Ph.D.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

From what I know, therapy coming from a university is supposed to be short-term and if they felt it would be long-term, they would refer out. I was always referred out when I went through my university. But, I have never felt it to be odd or weird because to me, it just makes sense that they refer patients/students out if they thought it wasn't short-term. And when they did refer me out, they always referred me to a very affordable clinic or outpatient program because I didn't want to use insurance. My co-pay were only like $15/session. Also, I would rather get referred to a therapist who actually specializes and have had extensive training in trauma.

Good luck.

Also, they may be willing to touch some traumas but a person who was traumatized by treatment for trauma is a special situation that requires a more delicate hand.

Thank you Crihb2000,

I appreciate your response. Were you able to find the help you were looking for? Were you able to return to the University therapist between sessions with your referral? I wonder what that looks like...

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Absolutely agree.

The problem I have is that there is no therapy modality for therapy abuse survivors. The industry usually creates new modalities when there are sizable populations for which current therapy modalities are unhelpful. (For instance, DBT was designed for Borderline Personality Disorder). Until this happens I believe repeated traumas will happen for those of us with therapy abuse.

Despite the large population of those who are harmed in therapy, I wonder why they don't do more research on this problem and acknowledge a need for, "delicate hands," like you had mentioned. I love how you articulated that, it makes perfect sense.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

I am also a university student. My school only offers a handful of sessions. If they determine that you require more help than they can offer, they refer you out. C opted to skip even going to the campus counseling center for this reason, since trauma is not something that can be handled on such a short timeline.

Although your therapist sounds pretty terrible in several ways, I suspect she's probably telling the truth when she says it's not the program's mandate to work on trauma. That won't change no matter what you tell her. It's not her decision.

I can't speak for other schools, but at mine, a student who had been assaulted would be referred to resources in the community through the university office that is dedicated to that. The school would no more provide trauma counseling in that situation than any other. That is how my school deals with it.

If you really feel like your therapist is outright lying and making up reasons to not let you talk about your trauma, you could always send an email (anonymously) posing as someone interested in finding out what types of services your uni provides. You could just say you have a trauma history without going into details and ask if they would be able to accommodate you. See what kind of response you received. Also, my uni has the info about the limitations of their services available online, so if you haven't already looked, you might check there to see what is posted.

Hi Susannahsays,

Thank you so much for this. I appreciate it.

When you went to therapy at your University, did they tell you at the start what the limitations were?

I lean more towards believing my therapist than not, as the logic makes sense. I just hope there isn't a combination of mandate and negative counter-transference, as that could lead to potential pitfalls in future sessions if she is not being completely honest about it.

I like your idea about the email! That is a great idea! I will do that and let you know what the result is.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Oh, never went to the campus counseling center. Their website says they would refer out for more serious issues (or something like that), so there was no point going to them. That would have happened after the initial intake, or I guess, once they realized we were "not well."

Tbh, it kind of sounds like your therapist is doing you more harm than good with the stuff she's saying. I mean, it's pretty terrible that she said that your abuse was basically just the way you perceived things because of your childhood. I mean, wtf. It's not ok that she jumped to that assumption. You're probably better off not subjecting yourself to her.

Hi HD,

Trauma work takes a lot more than what a university/college center is set up for. For instance, many years ago, my university would not do long term work on me regarding issues of trauma because students were only allowed 7 weeks of counseling sessions, and we were allowed to go only once a week. They were also not available for crisis situations. You would probably need more sessions than what they are set up for. You may also need a higher level of care. Possibly.

Since, I have to leave the computer soon, I wanted to suggest a treatment that might be of some help. I have been traumatized by a few therapists, and I am now seeing a psychologist for trauma and other issues. My psychologist does EMDR. It really helps me a lot. You might want to consider it. Here is a link that explains it: What is EMDR? | EMDR Institute – EYE MOVEMENT DESENSITIZATION AND REPROCESSING THERAPY

I have a severe trauma history. In college I became close with the head of the counseling center and asked if he would work with me. He declined but sent me to someone else on. Campus... I am pretty sure I am a BIG part of why my school doesn’t touch any long term issues any more and especially not trauma. You need someone with specific trauma training. Trust me, it makes a world of difference.

Hi Susannahsays,

Thank you for sharing that, my fault for misunderstanding.

I agree with you. Add to the fact that she jumped to that conclusion WITHOUT even hearing my trauma! It blows my mind! If I was not educated enough about therapy and psychology, I probably would have been swayed into believing that nonsense! Take it for what it's worth, but is one thing if a therapist says this because they are truly incompetent at their job, but if they do it because they want to gaslight a client and cause them to question their past abuse, that is another.

My abuse happened. Period. The methods in which therapists have gone to destroy my credibility is extremely predictable and almost laughable!

- Bad memory (because I had seen a medical record twice before it was changed, and they needed to cover-up a mistake by claiming a psychiatrist was present who I have never even met).
- Faking my illness (because I had recognized their unethical behavior and became a LEGAL threat to their establishment)
- Trauma in therapy is a result of childhood trauma and hyper-vigilance (to make it seem as though my trauma is a result of MY problems and not theirs)
- Paranoia
- Gross Generalizations

Classic smear campaign tactics. Sure it works in the short-term, but when there are thousands of survivors saying the same thing - it becomes a pattern of behavior; which is ultimately what will expose the problem.

I sure cannot wait for the social movement to start...

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Thank you for sharing Shotokan Karate,

I am so very sorry that you have been harmed by therapists! You are not alone and please feel free to message me anytime.

I will definitely check out EMDR. I have been told about it a few times. Is it true that you don't have to divulge details about the trauma in order to work through it? I have heard this is the benefit because unfortunately for those of us with trauma in therapy, it can bring out all kinds of bad in the profession.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Thank you Omers,

Forgive me if I am wrong, but I gather you mean that the head of the counselling center declined to work with you but referred you to someone else on campus. As in - another therapist at the College? I assume things didn't go so well... If you don't mind my asking, would you be okay sharing your experience? If you feel more comfortable - you can share it via private messaging.

I hope you have a good day,

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

It sounds like at best she isn’t a good fit for you and at worst she’s a bad therapist. Either way I would absolutely take her at her word about her limitations and those of the counselling center. The fact that you can think of logical reasons why those limitations are dumb doesn’t really help you. It is extremely frustrating but no matter how excellent your argument, if the therapist doesn’t have the skills or the center doesn’t have the mandate, you will not get good trauma therapy. Poor trauma therapy will do more harm than good.

My suggestion to you is to use the therapist in ways that are unlikely to cause you further harm. For example, if you have PTSD-type symptoms, you could work on centering skills, breathing, coping with panic, bring yourself to the present etc.

Hi Favorite Jeans,

Thank you so much for this. Very insightful.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

I'm not sure I understand --you've taken a medical withdrawal but the therapist at your university is still seeing you? I respect your feeling that you need some help but I agree with some others thst this may not be the place, or the person, to get it. Do you have any alternatives? I understand, I think, that you experienced institional betrayal in your national healthcare system? So I can understand if you don't want to try that again. But is there an alternative, somewhere, somehow?

Not to be all conspiracy theory here but...is it possible that the therapist wont do trauma work with you because your trauma is situated around something that happened at/because of the university?

Maybe this isn't a good therapist for you, or therapy in general isn't for you, it sure isn't for everyone. there is other options out there to try besides therapy that could help you. Worth considering anyway.