Heartbroken after today’s session

piggy momma · Apr 18, 2019 at 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

Can someone help me look up the importance of this issue so I can get this stuff together and show him the value in it.

If you research therapeutic alliance or rapport, there are literally thousands of scholarly articles on the importance of it and how it is the most important predictor or a positive outcome. More important than the therapists actual theoretical orientation. Your T should absolutely know this. It’s Clinical Psych 101.

susannahsays · Apr 18, 2019 at 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by piggy momma

If you research therapeutic alliance or rapport, there are literally thousands of scholarly articles on the importance of it and how it is the most important predictor or a positive outcome. More important than the therapists actual theoretical orientation. Your T should absolutely know this. It’s Clinical Psych 101.

You are implying that there cannot be a therapeutic alliance or good rapport without warmth and connection, but what makes a therapeutic alliance and what creates good rapport varies from person to person.

ArtleyWilkins · 07:41 PM

You don't exactly explain the context of this particular statement, so not really knowing what preceded his comment, it's hard to know how to respond.

He may have been addressing that "the relationship," the emotional connection isn't his primary goal as a therapist. I don't know that that is all that unusual, nor does it mean he doesn't want connection or relationship or warmth. He may just be more goal and outcome oriented rather than relationally oriented.

Your therapy can still be very effective and purposeful even without that being the primary focus. You've known from the start that this therapist has good boundaries, works professionally, and keeps a professional frame around your sessions. I don't think this statement particularly says anything different than what he has done all along, and you have been pleased for the most part with how this therapy has been going.

Omers · Apr 18, 2019 at 07:46 PM

It is essential to my T and having worked with others that did not share that value I can tell you it is a whole different world. Yes, it still sucks some times, it still hurts but there is healing and comfort.
As a kid my mom cleaned cuts with alcohol. My dad cleaned them with saline and soap. Either way they never got infected but I went to dad when I got a cut or scrape and hid them from mom... the hidden ones sometimes got infected.

precaryous · Apr 18, 2019 at 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

He does some caring things but that put me over the top since I was already barely hanging on.

Hi Hope,

Is it possible your T may not be very good at ‘warmth and caring’ so he doesn’t incorporate that in his practice?

Is it possible his telling you about his chosen practice style or practice limitations are, in a way, a way to care about you?

I’m just thinking ‘out loud’ ...it may not apply to your situation at all.

I’m sorry this so hard. I’ve had a ‘blank screen’ Psychiatrist before and I do better with ‘warm and caring’, too.

Omers · Apr 18, 2019 at 09:06 PM

BTW the therapists theoretical orientation has made a world of difference for me. Current T AKA Awesome T is humanistic and he doesn’t just know the theories he embodies them and lives them.

Omers · Apr 18, 2019 at 09:23 PM

Tonight... THIS!

hopealwayz · Apr 19, 2019 at 12:08 PM

He did say he would think about what I said. He tried to call me last night but I was so upset that I went to sleep early. I got his voicemail this morning.

Xynesthesia2 · Apr 19, 2019 at 03:28 PM

You said that you really liked this T before though. Is this weakness worth breaking the whole thing now?

hopealwayz · Apr 21, 2019 at 07:49 AM

No, I think we can work through whatever happens. In the past, I would’ve ran. But, with him I want to stay and try.

I wish he didn’t bring up such a painful thing right before he was gone for 2 weeks.

hopealwayz · Apr 21, 2019 at 07:52 AM

Now I’m dealing with all of this pain. He did say that he would be in the office next Thursday and they would try to get me in if someone cancels. That feels SOOO long away to a hurting person.

precaryous · Apr 21, 2019 at 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

Now I’m dealing with all of this pain. He did say that he would be in the office next Thursday and they would try to get me in if someone cancels. That feels SOOO long away to a hurting person.

Kudos to you for making your needs and wants known- the need or want for warmth and caring ...and the need for extra appointments!

Also, glad you are staying to try to work it out rather than running!

Yes, I relate to next Thursday seeming so far away...

hopealwayz · Apr 21, 2019 at 10:06 AM

If they can’t find an opening next Thursday, I won’t be able to see him until the following Wednesday which is May 1. I’m in absolute agony right now.

Taylor27 · Apr 21, 2019 at 10:15 AM

Hugs can you call the crisis line if you need to i find they are really helpful for me when i need to talk and my therapist is not avalible. Sometimes i call daily and it's ok thats what they are there for to help you get through the agony and tough times. Also we are here for you too never forget we care about you. Hugs

hopealwayz · Apr 21, 2019 at 10:49 AM

You are all so awesome.

hopealwayz · Apr 21, 2019 at 11:26 AM

How can I cope with the pain until the next time I see him?

hopealwayz · Apr 21, 2019 at 12:32 PM

The pain is so deep.

Crook32 · Apr 21, 2019 at 12:41 PM

I keep a countdown between appointments with an app on my phone. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn’t. I guess it depends how often I check it.

Taylor27 · Apr 21, 2019 at 12:55 PM

I journal and i love to play games on facebook. Also walking with my dog and husband. It helps also comming onto pc really helps me to know i am not alone.

hopealwayz · Apr 21, 2019 at 02:10 PM

I had a countdown app on my phone so I put it in there. I’m sorry I missed his call the other night. I bet we could have cleared it up then instead of struggling through this stuff.

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Omers Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Location: Crimson cattery Posts: 3,512 13 3,133 hugs given	Apr 18, 2019 at 09:06 PM #26 BTW the therapists theoretical orientation has made a world of difference for me. Current T AKA Awesome T is humanistic and he doesn’t just know the theories he embodies them and lives them. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night
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hopealwayz Magnate Member Since Jan 2016 Location: In my mind Posts: 2,281 8 272 hugs given	Apr 19, 2019 at 12:08 PM #28 He did say he would think about what I said. He tried to call me last night but I was so upset that I went to sleep early. I got his voicemail this morning.
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Xynesthesia2 Veteran Member Member Since Mar 2019 Location: USA Posts: 540 5 55 hugs given	Apr 19, 2019 at 03:28 PM #29 You said that you really liked this T before though. Is this weakness worth breaking the whole thing now?
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hopealwayz Magnate Member Since Jan 2016 Location: In my mind Posts: 2,281 8 272 hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 07:49 AM #30 No, I think we can work through whatever happens. In the past, I would’ve ran. But, with him I want to stay and try. I wish he didn’t bring up such a painful thing right before he was gone for 2 weeks.
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hopealwayz Magnate Member Since Jan 2016 Location: In my mind Posts: 2,281 8 272 hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 07:52 AM #31 Now I’m dealing with all of this pain. He did say that he would be in the office next Thursday and they would try to get me in if someone cancels. That feels SOOO long away to a hurting person.
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hopealwayz Magnate Member Since Jan 2016 Location: In my mind Posts: 2,281 8 272 hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 10:06 AM #33 If they can’t find an opening next Thursday, I won’t be able to see him until the following Wednesday which is May 1. I’m in absolute agony right now.
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Taylor27 healing from trauma Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Alberta Posts: 30,425 (SuperPoster!) 6 24.3k hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 10:15 AM #34 Hugs can you call the crisis line if you need to i find they are really helpful for me when i need to talk and my therapist is not avalible. Sometimes i call daily and it's ok thats what they are there for to help you get through the agony and tough times. Also we are here for you too never forget we care about you. Hugs
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hopealwayz Magnate Member Since Jan 2016 Location: In my mind Posts: 2,281 8 272 hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 10:49 AM #35 You are all so awesome.
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hopealwayz Magnate Member Since Jan 2016 Location: In my mind Posts: 2,281 8 272 hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 11:26 AM #36 How can I cope with the pain until the next time I see him?
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hopealwayz Magnate Member Since Jan 2016 Location: In my mind Posts: 2,281 8 272 hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 12:32 PM #37 The pain is so deep.
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Crook32 Grand Poohbah Member Since Apr 2013 Location: USA Posts: 1,897 11 1 hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 12:41 PM #38 I keep a countdown between appointments with an app on my phone. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn’t. I guess it depends how often I check it.
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Taylor27 healing from trauma Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Alberta Posts: 30,425 (SuperPoster!) 6 24.3k hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 12:55 PM #39 I journal and i love to play games on facebook. Also walking with my dog and husband. It helps also comming onto pc really helps me to know i am not alone.
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hopealwayz Magnate Member Since Jan 2016 Location: In my mind Posts: 2,281 8 272 hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 02:10 PM #40 I had a countdown app on my phone so I put it in there. I’m sorry I missed his call the other night. I bet we could have cleared it up then instead of struggling through this stuff.
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