Do you think there’s a benefit in a T being blank slate?

Apr 19, 2019 at 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feileacan

What do you mean by blank slate?

My T is a psychoanalyst which by some definition I suppose should mean blank slate. My understanding about contemporary blank slate means no explicit self-disclosure, no overt reassurance, not directing, not giving any advice. However, it also means allowing all emotions, including very negative towards the T, implicit self-closure by being very present emotionally in the sessions, being very attuned and flexible, very good boundaries, very safe.

My background is also emotional neglect and for me my blank slate T is perfect because our connection is genuine, fully following my pace and not enforce on me. The T is ok with not having connection with me when I don't feel ready for that but is always waiting for me and open for that once I show any readiness to be connected.

The way you describe blank slate: no self disclosure and no reassurance, describes my T2. I had not previously thought of the lack of reassurance as being a part of the blank slate. A difference with my T compared to yours is that I don’t feel that she accepted my negative emotions (of insecurity) towards her. Which is ironic as I think her being blank slate elicited that. Maybe your T is just better at it than mine was. You describe your T as ‘safe’. I don’t feel that my therapy with T2 was safe. I’m wondering how your T is safe if he didn’t give reassurance? Is his consistency reassuring?

feileacan · Apr 19, 2019 at 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild at heart

The way you describe blank slate: no self disclosure and no reassurance, describes my T2. I had not previously thought of the lack of reassurance as being a part of the blank slate. A difference with my T compared to yours is that I don’t feel that she accepted my negative emotions (of insecurity) towards her. Which is ironic as I think her being blank slate elicited that. Maybe your T is just better at it than mine was. You describe your T as ‘safe’. I don’t feel that my therapy with T2 was safe. I’m wondering how your T is safe if he didn’t give reassurance? Is his consistency reassuring?

The feeling of safe has come from within, from the experience of being together with him. Also, I suppose there has been some reassurance (funny, but I feel that I don't really understand what that means), but mostly the safe has come from how I experience and perceive him in session. It has taken time though. I suppose that means it comes from consistency because he has been extremely consistent.

May I ask, do you actually have any evidence that she does not accept your negative feelings or you just assume that?

Apr 19, 2019 at 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feileacan

The feeling of safe has come from within, from the experience of being together with him. Also, I suppose there has been some reassurance (funny, but I feel that I don't really understand what that means), but mostly the safe has come from how I experience and perceive him in session. It has taken time though. I suppose that means it comes from consistency because he has been extremely consistent.

May I ask, do you actually have any evidence that she does not accept your negative feelings or you just assume that?

This is an old T that I’m talking about, I’m no longer seeing her, but I’m still trying to understand what went wrong and lay it to rest. I felt that she didn’t accept my negative feelings because when I tried to talk about it (shame at something she did), she cut me off.

From your description I just think that your T is perhaps better at it than this t was. Your T has helped you to feel safe, but that didn’t happen for me with this T, it happened for me with the next T (who died), and has happened with my current T.

I too ponder about the meaning of reassurance, and what it is my T does that reassured me.

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