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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
10 365 hugs
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May 07, 2019 at 06:12 PM
#1
All I want is contact with him.....anything.....any response. I have done everything he has said for me to do when I feel like this. Garden...which I spend from 9am to 1pm getting dirt and plants and planting and now my back hurts. Cook....he says to cook as I like to cook. I even watched a stupid movie on Amazon prime. Did the laundry. My husband is away all week and on Monday I take him to have cancer tumors removed from his bladder and we find out what stage the cancer is at. I am full of worry and anxiety.
I do not want comfort from anyone else. I want it from him as I see him a surrogate parent and I feel home sick. I have already tried 7 cups of tea, I went on to the crisis prevention website but felt I did not belong there. Now I just want to take something to numb me but I do not have anything and I do not want to drink. __________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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 CartDown, guilloche, LonesomeTonight, Mopey, rainbow8, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since Apr 2019
Location: United States
Posts: 70
5 53 hugs
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May 07, 2019 at 06:33 PM
#2
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this worry and stress. Can you email him and ask for connection? You're going through so much right now, it's totally understandable why you would want to reach out to him.
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
10 365 hugs
given
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May 07, 2019 at 06:42 PM
#3
I am suppose to make connections outside of therapy. Find support outside of therapy. Join a group, take up a class like baking, cooking and be with other adults. Work does not count as being with other adults so he says. Find something physical like boxing or take a self defense class. I already workout 6 days a week. My husband was recently diagnosed with cancer and he has to have tumors removed on Monday and will be home for a week with a catheter and that is the best case scenario worst case they have to remove is bladder. FML
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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| Anastasia~, CartDown, NP_Complete, rainbow8, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
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May 07, 2019 at 06:48 PM
#4
Hugs, I'm sorry you're going through this with your husband. I hope it's the best-case scenario. I can definitely understand wanting your T's support right now. Are you sure he wouldn't be willing to reply to you, considering what's going on and if you tell him all the other things you tried first?
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
10 365 hugs
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May 07, 2019 at 06:51 PM
#5
Quote:
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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| LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jul 2016
Location: Midwest
Posts: 726
7 16 hugs
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May 07, 2019 at 09:43 PM
#6
I think, given everything you're going through and everything you've already tried, it certainly wouldn't be unhealthy to email him. We do lots of things that help and yet we accept what we can get. You don't need to worry about wanting more.Good luck with everything.
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 LonesomeTonight, MoxieDoxie
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 876
11 601 hugs
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May 08, 2019 at 10:21 AM
#7
Quote:
I personally wouldn’t view this as negative reward, because I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to hear from him. Desiring human connection and comfort is natural and healthy, and I also think it makes complete sense to want this from the person who knows most of your struggles and cares about you. I don’t think this want is anything to be ashamed of. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,740
6 144 hugs
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May 08, 2019 at 10:28 AM
#8
I am so sorry for all you are going through.
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
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May 08, 2019 at 10:29 AM
#9
Quote:
I agree with this. |
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SummerTime12
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
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6 24.3k hugs
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May 08, 2019 at 10:37 AM
#10
Hug's so sorry to hear about your husband. It's very healthy to reach out to your t right now. I hope you do email your t .
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,731
(SuperPoster!)
12 1 hugs
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May 08, 2019 at 10:42 AM
#11
Could you just make another appointment rather than dealing with email and all the hoopla around it?
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,788
5 7 hugs
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May 08, 2019 at 12:51 PM
#12
Quote:
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LonesomeTonight
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,014
10
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May 08, 2019 at 02:26 PM
#13
He might not reply to your email or - seeing he is urging you to make outside connections, might not give you a satisfactory answer (i.e. by giving an answer that makes you feel uncared for).
I think you ought to consider your reaction(s) to any of these before emailing him. |
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
10 365 hugs
given
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May 08, 2019 at 02:51 PM
#14
Quote:
I see him this Friday anyway. I go twice a week already. __________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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| Elio, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
10 365 hugs
given
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May 08, 2019 at 02:52 PM
#15
Quote:
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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| LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 540
5 55 hugs
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May 08, 2019 at 03:00 PM
#16
But none of those activities you listed are very social, involving interpersonal connection and support, except maybe the crisis service but that is also quite impersonal IMO. So I am not surprised they won't provide relief when what you crave is human connection. I usually reach out to a friend in situations like that, someone I know has a pattern of responding relatively quickly and supportively.
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Salmon77
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
10 365 hugs
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May 08, 2019 at 03:05 PM
#17
Quote:
Well that is the problem. I do not have any friends that know I have any mental health issues as I keep that crap to myself. Also I do not have any close friends. I joined a weird church here as I was invited by a girlfriend. They are doing a discussion groups, hosted at members homes, that I tried out last week which turned out to be a mens club with guys sitting around smoking cigars and drinking beer. Politically I was not aligned with them so I sat there and kept my mouth shut waiting for enough time to pass so I can say I have to leave now. Not going back to that. T says I have to try 50 THINGS before finding something that works for me. __________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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| LonesomeTonight, Taylor27, Xynesthesia2
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,394
10 106 hugs
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May 08, 2019 at 03:49 PM
#18
Sometimes it helps me just to get out and be around people, even if I don't have a big conversation or whatever. Sometimes just going to the coffee shop or the gym is helpful. You're not going to find a whole support system out of nowhere, you gotta take the baby steps first.
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MoxieDoxie, Xynesthesia2
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 540
5 55 hugs
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May 08, 2019 at 04:00 PM
#19
Quote:
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here today, LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
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May 08, 2019 at 04:23 PM
#20
Quote:
I agree with this. Maybe see if the hospital has a support group for people whose family members have cancer? |
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here today, Taylor27, Xynesthesia2
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