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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
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#101
Quote:
I think I was expecting my T to be a little more less distant to me and little be more compassionate. I wish he would drop that damn pragmatic therapy style crap. His actions and words do say I am important to him but he never says it outright. Sometimes you just need that in times like this. I left there feeling empty and really alone. __________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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Anonymous56789, Forgetmenot07, koru_kiwi, missbella, rainbow8, SlumberKitty
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#102
Offense is in the eye of the beholder. As a rape survivor, I think psychological rape is an appropriately analogy for what I once experienced in therapy. I mentioned what happened in another thread. While it's not my experience in therapy overall, a therapist penetrating my defenses and exposing the contents of my inner world--my dissociated parts--sure did feel like psychological rape. I did not consent to such an experience as I was seeking help for concentration difficulties.
The title of the thread "therapy is bs/wrong!" may clue people in that the thread may contain things that speak of therapy unpleasantries, so the act of coming to this thread or maintaining a pattern of coming to such threads may contribute to one's own reactions, which may include feeling offended. |
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BudFox, here today, koru_kiwi, missbella, stopdog, Xynesthesia2
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
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#103
Quote:
This may just be me, but it was a good thing for me to not have to endure someone trying to be comforting at me when in reality there was nothing anyone could have actively done that I would have found comforting at that time. I was annoyed at others who were trying to be comforting to me but since the others were my friends, I couldn't (or didn't want to because I knew they were trying to be kind) snap at them - I just endured it. With the therapist, I did not have to endure that at least. I am sorry you and your husband are facing this. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Last edited by stopdog; May 18, 2019 at 10:32 AM.. |
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
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#104
Quote:
This is the first time I ever felt like I wanted to be comforted by someone and unfortunately the person I want it from is my T. __________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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here today, koru_kiwi, missbella
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2010
Location: here
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#105
Quote:
Octoberful I’m sorry for what happened to you. I’d perhaps compare my lighter experiences to the thrall of a sex addict who courts, conquers and discards with no real stake in the game. I have no metaphor for my more brutal experience, but find cult member stories evocative and painful. |
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koru_kiwi, stopdog
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,515
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#106
Quote:
I paid out of pocket for sitters the last few days of my husband's life here at home, in hospice, so I could get some other things done, and sleep. They were great. Very worth it. |
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Mopey
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Mopey, MoxieDoxie, stopdog
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 2,025
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#107
Earlier on I contributed a brief entry to this thread where I spoke about my (finally) successful experience in therapy.
Reading through the subsequent entries this morning, it dawned upon me that I’d left out what led me to that therapy to begin with — the most awful, hideously painful experience with therapy through a major university. It was horrible. It was excrutiatingly painful. And though I tried for a time, there was no way I was going to be able to heal from that by myself So what hapened? What HAD to happen? Just as the honorable Bud Fox has stated, I fell right into the arms of another therapist. Luckily she had a heart, and skills. |
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Fuzzybear, here today, koru_kiwi
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#108
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I’m also not trying to belittle anyone else’s experience, compare traumas or trigger personal issues... but, as a a SA victim as well, I can say that therapy trauma has been more detrimental to my mental health and has taken me longer to recover from than the SA. It’s also eclipsed any trauma from my horrible childhood. I have ABSOLUTELY no idea why... it makes little sense... but I still feel powerless and deeply violated by my therapist a year after termination. This is just my personal experience. All I can hope at this point is that shedding light on the psychological consequences of ‘therapy gone wrong’ can help someone, somewhere. It is not anything I could have fathomed before experiencing it. |
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Anonymous56789, atisketatasket, here today, koru_kiwi, missbella
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here today, koru_kiwi, missbella, stopdog
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#109
Quote:
I’m really glad you found someone amazing to help you recover. I’m genuinely happy for those therapy has helped and enjoy reading success stories. |
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#110
I sometimes question my own logic for allowing myself to become so connected and trusting of my T knowing the theoretical limitations of the relationship. What I know is that despite those frustrations, if I did not have this relationship, I would still be in the darkest and most terrible place of my life. There is no doubt in my mind that the connection is not one-sided. She is herself in the room with me, and unlike past Ts, she does not just tell me things I need to hear and give me a perfect simulated environment. She does not pretend to know all the answers. She's the most authentic person in my life right now. Yes, we're limited to an hour a week. No, we don't and probably never will meet up for a beer. No, I don't and probably never will have the opportunity to reciprocate much of what I get from her. Yes, that's frustrating. But none of that makes what we have, the healing that is happening, the safety and love I feel fake or a set-up or anything else negative. I came to realize that when I become frustrated with her or the limitations, it's my own expectations not being met..and is it logical for me to have such expectations on a therapeutic relationship? No it is not. I'm glad you brought up this topic because this is something I realize I need to bring up with T.
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MoxieDoxie, rainbow8
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Member Since May 2019
Location: Germany
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#111
Reading this, I feel my therapy is as useless as I feel it is. Note how I don't dare to say "my therapist is as useless as I think she is". I like her, but I do not love her, do not feel dependant on her, I mainly think she has a good business. Sitting, nodding, being well-balanced, supportive, and getting paid for it. I mainly talk about leaving her, stopping therapy, and after ranting for an hour I feel like staying again, then the session's up. I feel like not leaving. I make jokes, feel indeed like a total nuisance because I always outstay my welcome. I fantasize about whether she would call the police if I staid glued to my chair. I think I am a pain in the ***.
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koru_kiwi, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 3,983
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#112
Two thoughts:
Not trying to be a jerk, but I dont think people in therapy should expect special privileges in terms of how other express themselves. It's not uncommon for people to be traumatized by a therapist they went to for help with prior trauma. That is insane. |
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SalingerEsme, stopdog
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
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Posts: 4,819
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#113
Quote:
__________________ |
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 2,025
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#114
Originally posted by Missbella:
It did NOT teach me more social ease or a sense of competence or equality, in fact, just the opposite. Relating to others like I did therapists--expecting comfort for all my suffering and sorrows--did not make me a friend magnet. For a while I lived in a therapy pseudo-world and lost important friends during that period. MissBella, reading over all of the posts on this thread I came upon this of yours and it reminded me of something that happened with me. I too suffered socially, and years of therapy did little to help me. You know what did? Reading an etiquette book. And paying attention to how people in real life in my area interacted with each other. I found out I simply I grew up without knowing any of the rules. I did't know any social norms, the ones that ease interaction between strangers and acquaintances. As a result I made many painful mistakes, without meaning to. Just a thought. Wishing you well..... |
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missbella, MoxieDoxie, SalingerEsme
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Member Since May 2019
Location: Uk
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#115
Quote:
I believe that we are on a similar time line in terms of loss of a therapist which we had a very “flexible” relationship with The relationship itself was unmitigated hell in many ways because what happened in the room was so intensely personal at times on both sides and then just messaging/emails etc as physical presence had to be paid for(whether deferred or reduced or even not charged)emotionally I too thought I was going insane and I recently went back in order to read my clinical records - that was a bizarre experience as the notes were extremely boring and contained NO mention of hugging/personal disclosures/outside contact/3 hr sessions etc but did mention the one time I passed a comment on his baggy misshapen jumper- transference apparently I was stunned at this lack of honest appraisal of the relationship and it allowed me to finally realise that everything was and would be (2 year hold) on his terms - he admitted that during our last appointment he emotionally withdrew from me and I replied that it was cruel and undeserved and a few other more flavoured but very calmly delivered comments - this shocked him saying he had never heard these things to his face in 30 years and he proceeded to sit down next to me and talk normally for 3 hours !,- this has blown me apart again as I knew I absolutely have to walk away and NEVER go back as he holds all the cards and however much I want it I believe I couldn’t survive any more of it Apologies for ramble just wanted to share this and say well done for gaining some perspective through the ongoing pain- I GET it |
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koru_kiwi, SalingerEsme
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Forgetmenot07, koru_kiwi, SalingerEsme
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Location: the sunny side of the street
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#116
Quote:
but it's the few words she stated about being 'aware therapy consumers' that i can not agree more with. to me, this is such a powerful statement and i feel that as therapy consumers we should all be cognisant of this concept and not be fearful to empower ourselves and do what is right for us and our well being in regards to therapy and/or the relationship with our Ts. there definilty is more i could write about this, but think i leave it at that since it's getting late for me. |
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missbella
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Forgetmenot07, missbella
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#117
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Location: Europe & UK
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#118
@Forgetmenot07 Seems to me like we get a choice between self-care, building own confidence in the future, digging deep for our own resources - and relying on someone else. I have friend with good insurance who have purchased the attention and care of great therapists. I myself have always had to choose between therapy and eating/ having a safe roof over my head. I did for a while live in an unsafe home and I saw a great therapist who helped me as a favour because she was terminally ill.
As I got older and my financial responsibilities increased, I tried out a number of increasingly rubbish therapists. The last male therapist was so super-expensive and so ridiculously-untactful that thank goodness I decided to take a good look at myself and to go it alone. Really some middle class therapists should be corralled into only dealing with people from their own cultural backgrounds: this guy told me that "after working with refugees" he knew "for sure" that no one could be tortured enough to entirely lose sight of who they are. I guess sitting in an armchair all day talking can get you that way! It's been tough getting to know myself and going through crisis without therapy, but I've learned found a way and I have a couple of friends and neighbours who support and respect me for that. Therapy is a historical construct - just like Twitter, Facebook, the Internet, it really got big during the 80's and 90's. I think that it's partly addictive because peer groups do therapy and like to discuss it together. All this said with a smile, but also to point out that you have choices. I'm grateful for my wealthier friends who went through therapy and have learned a huge amount by hearing about their experiences. I'm thankful for the therapy insights around on the net, but it really is NOT the only way of healing, nor the only way of thinking about life's challenges. Hugs your way! Saidso __________________ *"Fierce <-> Reality"* oh god I am struggling today, help me to remember how to stay connected and human! remember: the nut shell against human predators and my own fear! |
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Mopey
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Forgetmenot07, missbella, Mopey
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Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 575
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#119
Lol Sarahsweets - but the disadvantage of not doing therapy is that I only have myself to blame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________ *"Fierce <-> Reality"* oh god I am struggling today, help me to remember how to stay connected and human! remember: the nut shell against human predators and my own fear! |
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sarahsweets
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: PNW
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#120
Quote:
FWIW, though, I think the prostitution analogy doesn't work at all. Typically it is the prostitute who is exploited, not the client, and prostitutes are generally in far greater danger from clients than the other way around. So it does not make any sense to equate a therapist with a prostitute and then act as if the therapist is exploiting and endangering clients. And yes, I would find it offensive to be compared to a john, but the comparison just has zero validity for me, so whatever. |
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ArtleyWilkins, feileacan, TeaVicar?
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