Therapy is bs/wrong!

I agree, I am just limited with time to reply in depth to more! are there any therapist on this forum? Would be good to see the other side of the coin!

I agree, after all it is two adults sitting in the room, and even if money is the currency its not T responsibilty to tolerate all impulses and meet unmet longings. When I read this forum I realise Ts should be better trained to recognise when the depenency or focus on them (rather than problems we bring to therapy) get too strong. Instead of leaving it till last minute, when its too late and we are 'hooked' and then cutting some sort of privilages (hugging, emails, phone calls, extra sessions etc) the should maybe gently make the patient aware of their observation or promt us to look inwardly at whats happening to us and our feelings?

I wish I knew better what you ment because it sounds vaguely familiar. Being witnessed, seen, heard . Is there a common denimnator with all of us who get attached? - maybe loneliness? lack of strong emotional bonds irl, insecurity that prevents us from being more authentic? attachment style?
its fascinating how some of us are resistant to this lure and others even though cognitively strong get sucked in...

I guess most Ts try to do this regularly in some form but it might get muddled in the rest of the experience. This is why, if you think the way you describe (it sounds similar to how I think about it), the best strategy is to take the introspection and examination into your own hands, also the boundary setting. That way it's kinda "take what works and leave the rest". Easier said than done but that is what I mean by the client's side, if you are someone who likes to take responsibility for that.

There are definitely those Ts who foster dependency and those idealistic views about the T-client relationship and they probably will not encourage limiting/regulating it directly. I think many of them also believe this approach will bring out important patterns more, to be examined. I believe that can be very true but also that it can create a parallel, mostly or totally artificial universe that can be irrelevant to our normal lives. But discriminating between the two (i.e. when it is some important pattern, transference etc and when it is merely the product of the structure of therapy) can be tricky. I also definitely got caught up in that confusion in the beginning.

I think if you look at it from her perspective, whatever you write in emails is disconnected in time and space and the intimacy of being together in the therapy room. How is she to know that by the time you show up for session, this is still the way it is for you?

I guess I see it as your job to say, perhaps at the beginning of a session, "I wrote in an email last week that I would like for you to initiate the conversation about ___. Can you do that?"

Are you saying that you've been seeing this therapist for five years and you still can't say basic things in session? If so, I think it's time to move on.

My guess -- and I'm just guessing, using some theories and ideas I've read about in the past and trying to match that up with experience and intuition that I'm having now -- is that it's something to do with what is called the sense of self, or healthy ego. Something that I suspect got derailed in my development, but it seems also to still exist, in potential, if it can get jump-started (I think and feel and hope I am that far along, at least, but who can tell because there are no objective criteria) and then develop somewhat organically in a supportive but natural social environment. If it exists in potential then it wants to engage with other people, that's its nature, even though it doesn't know how and got hurt and has defenses. Hence we get sucked in -- and it needs to be developed before we can cognitively see the dangers of getting sucked in.

Therapy might help to overcome the blockages and the derailments, but did not, for me, provide what I needed for the thing to grow. The "healthy ego" or sense of self seems to me -- paying attention to my intuition, maybe that's a small "observing ego"? -- to be both a cognitive and social/emotional thing. I suspect it seems just like normal life to anyone who has it. They probably can't imagine life without it. Hopefully I may know that side of the coin better someday, though with it all developing so late in my life, if it is, it will probably never be quite "normal", never be what it might have been. But then, whose is?

a lot of assumption in that! Not sure if I can or want to explain the circumstances/details but relationships are dynamic. A lot more is obviously discussed in sessions and my behaviour flactuates and changes, What felt comfortable and not impossible to discuss 6 months ago for whatever reason (probably in relation to other conversations) got more and more uneasy now. Its a bit of a deadlock and its even more annoying that it happens after such a long time. Maybe because its a repetative conversation and I need continuous reassurance.

I think your original post contains the truth. It's right on the money. If the therapist appears indifferent or full of s**t, probably is. If the relationship feels fake and parasitic, probably is. And so on. Therapy encourages overthinking and ignoring gut feelings.

I would point out that I asked a question, I didn't make assumptions. And it's not up to me what you share or don't share on this board. It's an interesting style of argument to bring up way late in the story that you've been in therapy for five years and use it as a way to argue for your confirmed position.

I just know that I've popped into a happier place in my life, and arguing with people on this board is a whole lot less interesting than it used to be. I have no stake in what you do or don't do in therapy, but I think you'd benefit from taking more responsibility for your communication and taking a look at how what you say and do, or don't say and do, has an impact on others. Because you are the only person that you can change. If you think your therapist needs to change-- which may be the case-- then run out of there.

I agree. Overthinking is the bane of the weak. Strong and happy people practice short thinking. But this also means that it's useless to criticize overthinking in people who do overthinking. By overthinking, they will render your arguments sterile. Please note that I am also an overthinker, so this is not judgemental.

Seriously.

Also, if sitting in silence with someone feels hostile and uncomfortable, chances are we’re picking up on frustrated energy. Especially if their facial expression looks pissed. It’s always a useful exercise to double check, but many of us feel the way we feel for good reason. No mind reading skills necessary!

I dont know how to react to this.
'It's an interesting style of argument to bring up way late in the story that you've been in therapy for five years and use it as a way to argue for your confirmed position' dont know what you mean. Did I not say in my initial post that I have been in therapy for 5 years?
I posted about the Monday session here because the fact that I wanted to mention it to her so much again was directly related to the conversations in here. But it is only losely connected with my general doubts about therapy. I was trying to emphasize in the original post that it is how therapy is structured that makes it very easy to develop into a very dependent unequal relationship. I wasnt talking specifically about my T.
She really is lovely so thats why it wasnt like her to be so firm and distant this time. Its because she is normally very reasonable and patient this was a bit out character for her.
You say a that I should take responsibility for my communication whereas I am just trying to see what it was that made me freeze and get stuck. Its not black and white. I have an impact of her by what i do or dont do and say or not say but she also has an impact on me by what she says or more specifically this time doesnt say.
I am not trying to argue just explain my perspective. You give me an impression of somone with little tolerance for people who are not in the "happier place' that you are or struggle with expressing their needs.

I don't really think that's a fair reading, but consistent with seeing the worst in people rather than the most benign. I see my responses as telling you how I see it, which is kind of the opposite of intolerance. I didn't tell you that you were wrong or you should stop talking about it, and I think posting in general is a willingness to continue the conversation, whereas intolerance shuts the conversation down. I leave threads when I'm feeling intolerant of what's going on there.

Labeling anyone with a personal trait, making a kind of personal attack "this is the kind of person you are" is not something I have done in response to you. It feels aggressive to me and I'm not interested in retaliating by telling you what impressions you give me.

I hope you find a happier place in your life, really and truly.

I’d be unhappy if my raison d’être was prowling the internet to interrogate and impugn others around how (you’ve decided) they conduct therapy. It’s an unusual crusade to be so paroxysmally invested.

Wait till your father gets home!

The three therapists I emailed regularly with (1, 3, Info) always started the next session by asking about the issue that had been brought up in email, whether it was something I was going through or something between us.

I assumed it was standard practice. I certainly think it’s good practice. With Info, it has saved the “relationship” several times.

My therapists did this, too. Especially the second one who was much more organized and competent, but even the sloppy first most of the time when it was a serious issue. I also have the same experience with most professionals I work with, I don't think it has anything or much to do with intimacy, more a problem solving thing.

And this refers to?

9/10 times I quite enjoy the emails not being directly mentioned at the beginning of the session because it would maybe put me on the spot. I suppose thats what I got used to. However it does really matter to me that we discuss them in a more interwinded way as part of an on going conversation. Like when I start talking and she would refer to something from an email etc.
I doubt she really had no idea what my silence ment this time. As I said before even if she didn't have any idea I looked really distressed. It would have been easier if she approached me in a more gentle way. This was very inconsistent with her other reaction which makes me think I crossed some kind of a line (but this probably is reading too much into it)

I am only expressing how your reply made me FEEL. I have no idea 'what kind of person you are' and I am only reacting to your messages here. Like I said before: communication is not only what people say but also how they say it. On forums like that intension can be easily misread as we only see words and easily assign a tone to them.

I definitely don't think my observations are aggressive. I think explaning to someone how their messages can be read or the impression they can give to other people can actually be very helpful. I would welcome that kind of feedback. It might not be what I say but how I say it. The feedback would give a chance to either explain myself better or change my behaviour. This is also what I am doing now - trying to explain myself.

MeToo Forgetmenot07, I think you may have much more mental strength and objectivity than you give to yourself!

I am quite sure this refers to Anne2.0, who has since left for a happier place.

I don't believe therapists have any control over what happens.

Client safety is a meaningless concept. The system serves therapists, and puts clients at risk.

The client can be coaxed deep into the s**t. then terminated against their will. There is nothing to stop this.

The client can be destabilized by a session then abruptly dispatched. See ya next week.

Long term or intensive therapy is largely a reckless social experiment.

The only sure thing is the therapist gets paid.

I see the opposite here in that things the therapist does or does not do impacts the client and the outcome of the therapy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Forgetmenot07
And this refers to?

I am quite sure this refers to Anne2.0, who has since left for a happier place.

I hope this isn’t as ominous as it sounds???